Love Under Control

Chapter 2

"I don't know if this is wrong because someone else is telling me that it's wrong, but I feel this, so let me just like try my best not to let this happen again. We weren't necesserly put in the best position to make the best decisions."

C H A P T E R 2

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A L M O N D P O V

At the beginning of my life, I could love everything around me, be interested by everything anyone was telling me, but not my stupid name. My name was the worst thing I had to bear. Honestly, who would call his girl Almond? That's stupid. My parents even more loved almonds than my proper self. That's dumb, don't you think? Anyways, my name now is my less big problem. Basically, I don't really give a care about it, to be polite. Like, I have bigger problems (well, problems is much to say, I'd more say snags, if that makes sense in your head."

Let's be honest with ourselves, did you ever think about the idea of calling your kid by your center of interests? Like would you go as far as calling your kid "Chocolate?" that would be the worst idea. Well I like my name now, I even love it, but when I was young and I did something wrong like didn't eat my whole vegetables, I broke something, I didn't clean my rooms, you know, shits that we did when we were little innocent kids, I found it weird when my dad was preaching me, he was yelling like: "ALMOND! YOU DIDN'T WASH YOUR HANDS!" or "ALMOND, YOU BETTER FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK." Like, what? That didn't sound good as well.

Sorry if I took like 2 paragraphs to talk about my dumb and unuseful name which was very boring I guess, especially for you. Well I think I did that because I didn't know where to start.

Well, basically, I hate almonds, that's pretty all you have to know right now.

I'm kidding. Almond, stop saying shit and everything will get better for everyone.

My parents left me 5 years ago, unfortunately. (The word unfortunately wasn't sarcastic, I know it sounded like it was, but for one of the only times of my life, I'm not sarcastic right now. So yeah). But, when I say left me, this is the bad side. Like they didn't left me to go somewhere else, they really left... like... under the dirt, you know. So 5 years ago, we were in the car and another stupidly bifurcated in our direction and you know the end of this story, I'm sure you'll understand why I don't want to say it. That's too uncomfortable. And it brings me back where I'm not meant to be.

Anyways, that's starting to become creepy. Sometimes I just say something and it gets over something deeper than a body in the dirt (that was so morbide though), so yeah I'm so lost in my thoughts that it definitely becomes creepy.

I couldn't say that I really miss them. Well yes, if you were be you would for sure feel guilty or something but my family conditions were not the best. We were often arguing about some shit that wasn't even important at all. I never really tried to understand where I messed up to be at this point of arguing. The way we were arguing was kind of exaggerated. Like it was almost affecting my self esteem. Yeah. I guess you never argued like this with your parents or even your friends. You could difficultly imagine how I could bear this everyday. I even do myself. Anyways, that was the dark side of my life, but now, they're gone, and I have to accept it and start to build a whole new life and not choose the other option which was pitying me on my fate, cry everyday fore something that wasn't meant to happen and wait for like 5 months to not feel anything anymore about this accident. This would be a damn bad idea. I just learnt something from it and that's all I can take out of the positive.

Well.

I kind of don't want to introduce myself as everyone does because that's too typical and really not entertaining. I'll not start by: "Hey, I'm Almond and my hair are wavy dark blond and I have blue eyes. That's pretty it." Like, hell no. I'm the kind of person who'll be glad to talk about things that happen in my life somehow or being more opened to talk about my story, and that's why I wanted to start by something untypical but mostly unique, because we all have a different story to tell, a different point of view and a different way to see the world.

And this is mine.

I think that the most important thing is the world is our capacity to find our own kind of perfection. You know when someone is like "nobody's perfect" yeah, fine, but me, I think that we should find out, in us, a big amount of consideration that will make us believe in something bigger, deeper and advantageous. By that I mean that believing that nobody's perfect is a good thing but you have to figure out that if you're stuck in this fact, you'll never love someone perfectly. So, you have to find you perfection because we all have a perfection that's waiting for us. But that's not the perfection of someone else, no, that's yours, because this person gets all you want someone to get, his flaws become qualities at your eyes because that's them that make you love this person. If his flaws weren't present, the person you love wouldn't be complete. You could think that someone perfect maybe means that he's undemonstrative or offish, shy or self-contained, as you could also think that a perfection is someone responsive, opened and accessible? You maybe think that someone perfectly adapted to you is a bad boy type, who's fucking gorgeous but an unbearable asshole, who owns his own special character by smoking and things like that, but what would make his charm is his personality inside of him? Or perhaps you prefer a nerd, who doesn't have the most beautiful forms, who doesn't go to the gym everyday, but is always here to give you tips, is kind and has is own smile? That's your choice, but remember that your own perfection is often not the perfection of someone else's. And that's why a person is not perfect at the eyes of each.

And another thing that is important to me, that is haunting me since my beginning of high school. I quickly found out something that made sense to my eyes, and should make sense to yours also. Did you ever realized that every day of your life were exactly the same, the same people, the same place, same road, same routine, same friends, same work. This is valuable for school or work. When I was younger, I thought that it would never end. Every single day of the week, the months, were the same. I saw absolutely no difference, except my lunch. One day, in the bus, on my way home, I was thinking about something that could be similar to this situation. And I thought that the possible comparaison would be this one: a day of your life is like a movie. Imagine that one day, you decide to start a movie, and it's so good, that you want to play it again the day after. But it's the same movie. So you play it again. It restarts. The third day, you play it again. You're obsessed with it. And that never ends. Your life is like a movie that plays everyday without ending and you cannot stop it. That's my possible explanation of this hell. Honestly, I don't know if you understand but that's my way to think.

Basically, I was happy with my life. It could've been better but I'm telling myself that there's way worst than my case, so I should consider myself even as lucky.

But today, I didn't know it was the last day of my normal life.

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