A Blaze in the Dark (A New Dawn #1)

Chapter 11 - Sebastian (Part 1)

One week from now, Frederic, Luke, Reg, and Karen will accompany Sebby to Sundale. I shall not follow. I don't care what you say or who you are; it would burst a still festering wound. Jonathan doesn't forget... 

"Real men don't cry," Sebastian whispered to himself, yet the tears continued streaming down his cheeks uncontrollably.

Father had said the words so often, always with a smile but never joking. A lost game, a scraped knee, or one of his sisters teasing him, Sebastian wasn't allowed to cry. And especially not when someone in the village had passed away. Grieving families needed the support of their leader in times of sorrow. It was a Lord's duty to be strong when his people couldn't.

So when Father dragged him along to pay respect to the deceased, Sebastian stood next to him, hardly speaking and not acknowledging the dead person in the room. Only one time before had it been hard: when Alex's grandmother hadn't woken up the morning of his eighth birthday. Instead of celebrating, the whole of Laneby had mourned.

He didn't want to mourn Abby. She was too young. Slowly he dragged himself back on his feet and grabbed Billy by the reins. The easiest way to smother the tears would be to leave her body behind, to allow the raging wind of the Scorching Plains and its millions of grains of sand to bury her for him.

As he placed his foot on the stirrup, Billy brushed his manes against his head, an accusing look filling his eyes.

"I know, boy, but I can't."

The horse snorted, bumping his side into Sebastian. Butt-first, he landed on the warm sand.

"What?" Sebastian slammed his fists against the ground as Billy trotted beside him. The horse pushed his nose into the middle of Abby's chest, sniffing her.

Locking his teeth onto her dirty shirt, the horse neighed. Sebastian pressed his knees against his chest, burying his face in his arms. He couldn't do it. He couldn't ride to Sundale with her body clasped between him and the saddle.

Billy nuzzled him in the side and nibbled at his dagger's pouch. Sebastian flinched and pushed him away, but the horse was already darting off, keeping the dagger's handle in his mouth.

"Come back. That's mine." Fueled by the God of Wrath, Sebastian threw a handful of sand at the horse, but missed.

Billy halted nonetheless, barely a hundred feet between them. He dropped the dagger to the ground and took a step forwards.

"Stupid horse, you're more stubborn than Fox." A violent cough stopped Sebastian from screaming. He heaved, spitting out the thick slime that had come up his throat. "Alright, I'll take her to Sundale."

He crawled towards Abby, where he crouched down next to her. After taking a deep breath, he stretched his thumb and index finger to close her eyelids. This way it seemed like she was just sleeping.

He picked her up, her lifeless body swaying along with the wind. The steps he took to get her to Billy were the hardest steps of his life. She slumped down as he laid her down on the saddle and fastened the straps of the stirrups around her.

When he was done, Billy presented the dagger between his teeth. Sebastian seized the weapon and slid it back into its sheath, before grabbing the horse's reins. "I'm gonna run here beside you, boy. I don't care how stubborn you're gonna act now, you can't make me climb the saddle."

Under the careful watch of the gibbous moon, Sebastian plodded through the barren world of dunes and boulders the size of houses. It got so cold that even the shooting stars stopped whistling by and appeared frozen in the sky.

He shivered. Perhaps only desperate madmen took this route instead of the longer one along the River Faith, but it would bring him faster to his parents and his sisters. He longed for their loving embrace so badly.

Morning brought the stinging pain of blisters on his feet and a quick sizzling heat on his back. He steered Billy a few degrees more to the south and carried on, only halting to grab a handful of dandelions every now and then. Billy needed the last drops of water in the goatskin; he would survive by sucking the sour, mildly refreshing juice out of the flowers.

It wasn't enough. As the merciless sun roasted his body, salty sweat rolled down his nose and into his mouth. With each breath, the desert winds blew the sand straight into his already dry throat. His head pounded along with the thick and hazy air, feeding the accusing whispers of the Gods.

"Greedy you were, boy. Thinking you could find your mother, father, and sisters... You wasted time you didn't have."

"Did you really need that afternoon nap, Son of Sloth? You killed her."

"You are responsible. You alone. Because of your sins, you will never see your family again."

The small wisps of grass that emerged in the otherwise endless sea of sand brought Sebastian the hope that he needed. The tide was turning. The Goddess of Kindness stood by his side as the white tapering towers of Sunstone castle appeared on the horizon.

Her brother had other plans. The God of Wrath pushed Sebastian onto his knees, stealing his dwindling energy faster than the mighty wind weakened into a soft breeze. He got up each time. For Father. For Mother. For his sisters. For his friends.

He stumbled through the knee-high grass, attracted by the large city walls that rose higher than the trees that used to grow in the Forest of Lane. Sundale was within reach when the God constricted him and he tottered to the ground.

His muscles cramped up as he placed his hands on the rocky underground. Not having the strength to push himself up again, he fell down immediately. Everything ached, his lips and throat were coated in the thickest fur. He tried to swallow but had no spit anymore.

Billy nuzzled his ear, letting out a faint neigh.

"Go, boy. Get help." Sebastian's lungs burnt with each word. His eyes were falling shut, bringing the darkness that he deserved.

He was a murderer. Abby was dead because of him. He could already feel the searing heat of the Seven Hells, the God of Pride looming over his damned soul.

Where was Father? He needed him.