A Feast of Scraps - A Captain America Fanfiction

Ch 6 - Caged and Free

I let my firm grip on him loosen and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He was just as alone and tired of being used as I was. It felt like a huge scary risk as I rubbed a thumb over the smooth inside of his wrist. I wanted to comfort him. But it was more than that too.

He shifted over me, easing his thigh between mine. I held very still. "Steve, you say that you don't need things, but I hate that about you. I hate to see you watching everyone else gorge themselves on life and you just starve yourself and call it enough."

"I got you out didn't I? Isn't that selfish enough for you?"

His eyes got fierce and bored into mine. "No. It's not. If you're going to settle for scraps then why not feast on them? That's what I want. Yes, I used to spend my clear headed time scheming up ways to off myself. They made that as hard as they could, but I could have done it. But you're right. In the end I decided I didn't want to just fuck them over by destroying their project, I wanted to fuck them over just by surviving them. I wanted to grab my life back and have whatever I could steal for myself."

I searched his face. I could feel what he was saying was not only the truth, it was the real James Buchanan. This was the hard marrow of stubbornness and pride that my funny, cocky, childhood friend had always possessed. I loved this about him. Even when we were young and it had looked like selfishness and bad manners, it had still drawn me to him. Now, life had honed this part of him to a sharp edge, a ruthless determination to grasp at anything he wanted and take it.

It wasn't about being good or being bad. It was just the raw heart of him and it filled me with hope to see it. If he wanted to kiss me and feel the thrill of a warm body pressed against his, well that really wasn't very hard to give him.

I whispered, "Only if it feels... right. Ok? Only if it feels good."

His eyes softened and his smile turned wicked. "You think I would do it if it didn't?"

That was true, wasn't it? The real Bucky would do it because he wanted to. But I had to be sure. "Promise me then."

He pulled back, letting his eyes roam over my bare shoulders and neck. His eyes full of heat, he said, "I promise to feast on your body for my own pleasure. Does that do it for you, Steve?"

I felt the heat of his gaze rush through me and swallowed hard. I nodded once, not trusting myself to speak. The thought of him taking what he wanted from me, relishing every touch of our flesh together, it felt... like a thrilling theft. This body was mine of course, but it had never really felt like me. There was still this odd disconnect when I saw pictures of myself, or caught sight of myself in a mirror. It was me, but it also wasn't really mine. I'd been trusted with this altered version of my real body because I'd agreed to give up my life and completely commit myself to a really important job.

It hadn't been that way for Bucky. He'd never made that kind of choice. Yes, he'd joined up and devoted himself to a war effort, but I knew him. He'd always had plans of his own, always kept something in reserve just for himself. I wanted that. I wanted to steal back a chunk of life just for me, just for us.

I caught my breath as he lowered his face to my neck. I held so still waiting for him to kiss me there, but he just hovered over me. The lightest touch of his breath against my skin gave me goose bumps all over. His nose glanced against my ear, and then the hot wetness of his tongue touched down as he licked my earlobe and slowly took it into his mouth. I gasped and turned my head, opening up my neck to him. The low rumble of his arousal felt like a purr that vibrated through every cell of my body.

Had I ever gotten this hard? Certainly never thinking about him. Or any man. I thought about how I'd touching myself last night and the strange dangerous feeling of doing that. Was this what I'd really wanted?