i never promised you a rose garden » fillie

» chapter 8 «

m i l l i e ☀︎

I woke up on the floor. I blinked, disoriented. I had fallen off of my bed. I grimaced and stood, dumping the blankets back on the bed. It was day 5. The days were nearly half over. I felt a touch of sadness at that. I liked spending time with Finn. Despite everything, every moment with him counted. It had to count, otherwise, what could be the last days of his life wouldn't matter. I needed them to matter. I couldn't lose him, yet it felt like I had.

"Do what you do best. Lie." Those two sentences had ran through my mind. I was confused. I had never lied to Finn. I didn't think I had. I went through the past week, rerunning through the days. I didn't lie to Finn. What did he mean? Except I had lied about something harmless and small. I had told white lies to him, that I was here when I was there, or sleeping when I was up late, brainstorming reasons for him. I had never truly lied to him. They were lies to protect him from worrying about me. It didn't even count as lies. Finn could be melodramatic.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes, stumbling to the bathroom to start getting ready for another day of shooting. Today would be more boring as the scenes focussed more on the adults of the show with a few scenes with us. My mom shouted for me, opening the door. I ran downstairs, grabbing my coat and getting in the car. "Thanks for driving me today," I murmured, looking outside. Mom nodded.

"Have fun today," she said. I rolled my eyes, and she laughed. My heart instantly warmed. I loved making people laugh and catching it on a slow-motion video. There was something so pretty and wonderful in watching faces light up. "This is my stop," I requested, turning to quickly hug my mom. I waved to her, entering my trailer and getting ready to film.

About thirty minutes later, I joined the rest of my friends on set. We started filming. I was supposed to wait in another room, but I stayed to watch Noah and Finn film their scene. They argued over Max, a new character. It would eventually end with Mike discovering that Noah was being transported to the Upside Down every time he vomited a slug.

I saw life in Finn's eyes, and it captivated me. He looked happier than ever. I felt saddened, knowing that he may never experience that feeling again. I nearly smacked myself for being overly dramatic.

Finn finished his scene. His eyes found mine, and he slowly walked towards me. I prepared myself for the most-likely awkward conversation.

"I'm sorry. What I said last time was way out of context," he mumbled. I narrowed my eyes.

"What did you mean by it?" I asked, crossing my arms. Finn stayed silent, glancing at the ground. With a sigh, he clasped his hands together.

"I guess I don't believe I can get better or that my life has purpose," Finn hesitantly explained. "I guess it felt like you were lying when you said that it will get better."

"11 days," I reminded him. "You gave me 11 days. I won't let you down. Let me do my part, and you just stay alive. That's your job."

"I just don't understand why I want to live. I just- I don't know anymore," Finn trailed off, covering his face with his hands.

"Here's my reason. Reason #5, acting," I simply said, and Finn's eyes twinkled. I saw so much potential, and I knew I had to save it at whatever cost.

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[shortest chapter of the book, eve/abuk edit it for me, xoxo lauren]