i never promised you a rose garden » fillie

» chapter 12 «

m i l l i e ☀︎

I sighed, opening my eyes. It was going to be a good day. I could feel it. I opened my phone, instantly getting flooded with text messages.

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CHOCODADDY || 8:01; You must be so excited to film today ;)
schnipper || 8:02; MILLS!!!! CHECK YOUR SCRIPT
schnipper || 8:02; MILLIE OH MY GOD
schnipper || 8:02; ANSWER YOUR PHONE
schnipper || 8:03; OH MY GOD
schnipper || 8:04; OH MY GOD MILLIE IM- MILLIE
gaTEN || 8:05; ayyyy queen mills, check your script
gaTEN || 8:06; for real, answer, dude, noah is spamming me, please
schnipper || 8:06; MILLIE

-

I opened my phone, starting a chat with Noah.

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mills; noah wth are you texting me abt??
schnipper; ffs, did u read ur script?
mills; no?
schnipper; oh um
mills; what noah
mills; what
mills; what
mills; whAT NOAH TELL ME
mills; LET ME CHECK MY SCRIPT HOld on
mills; iS THAT A kI-
schnipper; how are you gonna do it?
mills; i've already kissed him obviously, it'll be like round 4
schnipper; UM ROUND 4!!!!1!1!1!1!1!1!!!
mills; oh, have i not mentioned i've kissed him like
mills; like...more?
schnipper; gd, i owe gaten five dollars.
mills; did you bet abt my love life?
schnipper; no
schnipper; ok maybe
mills; -_-
mills; I'm disappointed, you lost the bet
mills; i thought you were my friend
schnipper; ;-;
schnipper; shi i gOTTA BLAST SEE U ONSET

-

I sighed, turning my phone off. There was another kiss scene, most likely to satiate the Mileven fans. If I was being honest, I did ship Mileven, but it went too far when fans started to ship Fillie. But if I was being brutally honest, I shipped Fillie but only a little bit.

My mom dropped me off at the set again, and I met up with my friends as the Duffer Brothers started their announcements. "There is going to be another Mileven kiss," Matt Duffer announced. Finn and I made eye contact. "I don't expect this to be awkward because you both have done this before." Noah winked and left with the others. Gaten hid behind one of the tables, giving us a thumbs up.

"Let's just get it done," Ross added. Finn and I walked into the basement set. He glanced at me, sighing. Ross motioned for us to start.

"Mike," I murmured, glancing up at him with lidded eyes.

"Yeah?" Mike, or Finn, was flipping through a book.

"Snowball," I softly said.

"The snowball already passed," he answered, setting the book down.

"Oh."

"But there will be another one next year. El, I'm not going to give up on our promise. You're going to eat awesome food, and you'll still get a bed in the basement. My parents will be like- like your new parents. You can go to school, and you'll try ice cream and other foods. You can make more friends. Point is, I'm not giving up. I haven't broken our promise, and I don't intend to." I shifted, making eye contact with Mike again.

"Last time?" I pointed to his lips.

"Kiss? It's called a kiss," Mike hurriedly explained.

"Kiss?"

"Where two people, they touch their lips together because they like each other." I leaned in, awkwardly pressing my lips against his. He lingered a second too long before pulling away. I tried my hardest not to blush, avoiding eye contact.

The camera stopped filming, and I stood, letting the high of acting fall away. "Reason #9, Finn. Mileven." He stiffly nodded. He sighed and with a dark solemnness, exited the set. His shoulders were slumped.

I thought I was helping, but what if I wasn't? What if all I was doing was making it worse? Finn was a mere shell of his former self in a world of lies and half-truths, and that scared me. I thought today was a good day, but now, I wasn't sure. The thought of the kiss brought me up, but Finn's dip in the mood worried me. I couldn't place it nor did I understand why. The term wasn't coming to mind.

I ran after Finn, stopping him. "What's wrong?"

"I woke up today," he started. "And I wanted to end myself. I was doing good, I felt good. And today ruined it. I don't know why you bother with me, Millie. I'm an actual waste of time. Don't worry about the reasons. You've done enough," he finished. His words were like acid rain.

"For fu-" I inhaled. "Finn, you gave me 11 days. I'm not going to repeat myself. Stop giving up on me, and start believing in yourself. You are strong enough to beat this."

"But am I strong enough?" he asked dramatically, except it wasn't dramatic. This was not a game. Finn's happiness was not a prize to be won.

This was serious. It left me thinking if I had to get medical help. I think Finn needed more than I could give him. I could give him the world and yet, it wouldn't be enough. I don't think it ever would be enough. I was already giving him everything while I had nothing.