In the end I knew he was going to leave. I just think the baby would've changed his mind. I honestly don't know how we didn't know I was pregnant sooner. I'm currently 5 months pregnant and really starting to show. When I found out how far along I was I thought something was wrong because I was so small. I think I didn't blow up like a balloon until I found out I was having a baby.
My moms coming up today to take me to the doctors office for my ultrasound. My mom pulled up and I ran to get in her car. It took us 12 minutes to get to the appointment. Not that anyone was counting. As I laid on the table and the woman put the gel on my stomach, my phone started to ring. I couldn't answer it because I was currently busy. I was told in like 2 minutes I was having a girl. I instantly knew I wanted to name her Clara Rose. I still had no clue what her last name is going to be. Gilbert or Williams? Do I want to be the bigger person and give her, her fathers name or be a selfish bitch and give her my name?
Selfish Bitch sounded like the best answer and that's exactly what I was going to do because I'm her mother and her father doesn't even know about her. I wish I could be the better person and realize I'm making a mistake but I don't think I'm going to do that. I just wish this entire thing with Brantley could be over. I understand that it' never going to be over because we are having a daughter together. I was just thinking about keeping a journal on my feelings. Until I heard his name on the t.v. and realized it was him they were talking about. I couldn't help it, I broke down and cried myself to sleep right there in the living room. it's where I spend most of my time anyway. I cant go to that bedroom and smell him and be reminded of the way I once felt and honestly hoped he felt to. I was the one who was wrong in the end, typical. when I woke up I knew I should've watched the thing on the news about him because now I cant help but thinking that maybe he mentioned me like I was a mistake that ruined his life. That's what I am and anytime I try to tell anyone that they act like I'm stupid and have no clue what I'm talking about.
