This is really scary to admit but no one even read this book so Im going to write it all out anyway.
Is it possible to make yourself depressed? Can I be faking a depression although I really dont want to be like this?
Emptiness is the only feeling I can describe. Its been almost a year, a little over that even since I had a genuine feeling. I honestly lost interest in everything. I have to put so much effort into the smallest of things. Even making breakfast, praying, talking to my best friend and obviously going out of the house.
Was it always like that? I honestly cant remember.
Im not sad though, i have no reason to be sad. My family loves me, my friends are close to me (if we neglect the dramatic people) and my life is overall i very good one alhamdulillah. So why am I being ungrateful?
I hate feeling like this. Im either always uninterested or unwilling to make an effort to do anything. I have unreasonable outbursts over nothing, my temper is very short, my mood is always gloomy, all I want is for the day to end.
Of course i have my good moments where im actually happy but its like i cant feel for too long without depressing myself over nothing.
Honestly, sometimes i feel like im faking it. Making myself sad and empty for attention but why? I never was the kind to want attention but now, idk. I feel like i want people to notice that Im not the same, that im not so happy all the time anymore, that im i've changed. But i dont want to be the one to tell them.
Why am i like that? What have i become?
Even this stupid post feels like a scream for attention but i feel like i need it. I feel like i need attention. This is stupid.
Am i the only one who feels like this? How can i be better?
Sorry if you happen to come across this post. Just ignore it, its my way of exploding without really exploding.
