a/n: please try bare with my mediocre writing.
He drank to forget saying i love you.
At first he isolated himself in the apartment they used to share but the members begged him to return to the dorm. Things got a bit better after that but it wasn't enough. They headed to the bar one night to hoping to lighten him up. The sound of blasting music ran through his ears. The smell of smoke and the intoxicants of the alcohol had taken over his body but Namjoon could care less. It wasn't the first time he felt this way. The memories were still playing in his mind so vividly, that his body shivers. He glances down at the three empty bottles of beer and the shot glass that stood in front of him. His head is pounding and his body is ready at any moment to give up on him.
It was finally those nights were both Y/N and namjoon's schedules were finally free of work. Snuggling on the couch, legs entangled, one on top of another, both of them enjoyed the quiet presences of each other with the sounds coming from the T.V. Namjoon's hands found their through through Y/N's hair and he twirled it around his finger. He heard small snores from Y/N as she quietly slept.
"Joonie...." She mumbled.
No longer focusing on what was on the T.V screen, he places a kiss on top of her head, holding her tighter and muttering in her neck.
"I love you."
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"Joonie! Could you please help me get my mug from the top cupboard?"
He turned his head towards his petite girlfriend as he saw her struggling to get her mug (which he purposely placed their after doing the dishes) while wearing one of his sweaters.
"The cutest," he thought, leaning on the kitchen counter and chuckled to himself.
"Aww I know you can do it. Even Jimin can reach it," he snickered. Y/N lip's formed into a pout and pulled on the hem of his shirt.
"Please Joonie, pretty pleaseeee."
Namjoon raised an eyebrow but didn't move an inch from his position. Letting out a frustrating sigh, Y/N turned and tried to climb on the counter to get to the top of the cupboard. Taking the chance, Namjoon took Y/N waist and lifted her up, earning a yelp.
"Namjoon...!"
"Just get your cup, you're kind of heavy, what did you eat today?." He says, knowing that he'll get punished later for it.
"...YaH!"
Namjoon gently placed Y/N down, expecting a slap on his chest for what he said earlier but instead, he felt a small pair of lips meet his cheek.
"Thank you so much Joonie-ah~ " Y/n says with a wide smile on her face.
Namjoon could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks and his heart thumping as he didn't expect the sudden compliment He ran his hands up to his face like he always did when he was embarrassed. Y/n let out a little whimper when he suddenly engulfs her into a tight embrace.
"You're so fucking cute, I love you."
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Namjoon and Y/N were in bed, cuddling side by side and having one of those philosophical talks. He liked being able to ramble on his thoughts and his stress about work. Namjoon was always worrying about his friends and especially about music of how there could be a many things that could go wrong if he weren't there to take care of them. Y/N would listen and assure him that everything he does is flawless and he shouldn't worry because she knows everything turns out great.
"There was a reason that Bang PD-nim accepted you into the company. He helped brought out your full potential and trusted that you would become a big hit! (no pun intended). Look where you are now! Performing in front of millions of people and loved by everyone around the world. Your passion in music is what makes you happy and others happy. "
"Yes but what if-"
"No buts! Kim Namjoon you're an amazing rapper and composer and you have many people supporting you to do what you love from your friends, family and I."
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"
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"Why didn't you contact me for 2 weeks Namjoon?!" Y/N shouted.
It's been a long and suffocating week for Namjoon as BTS was trying to prepare for their new comeback. He was loaded with work in the studio which explains why he didn't bother contacting anyone when he was concentrated with the new album. Namjoon gave a heavy sigh and dropped on the couch, patting the area next to him so they could sit and talk things out. Y/N didn't bother to move from her position with her hands crossed on her cheat and instead gave a bitter glare.
"It's been 2 fucking weeks Namjoon, not 4 or 5 days but two weeks. Do you know how much I was worrying about you every single night? This hasn't happened once but at least 5 times the last 6 months with you disappearing and left me hanging to play sherlock."
"Babe, you know how stressful this comeback is to me. Can we talk about this tomorrow-"
"I understand but couldn't you've contact me as least once? Just taking 10 seconds to tell me you aren't coming or tell a member to inform me about your situation? I'm not asking for a lot, I just want to know if you're okay."
Quiet sobs filled the silence of the living room. Namjoon didn't know what triggered him but he let out all the pent up stress and frustration that accumulated during the time he was gone.
"You know my life as an idol. You know that during this period this is the most stressful time period. We've went through this before, I don't understand why you're being so clingy all of a sudden?!"
As soon as those words were out of his mouth, Namjoon's heart took a sudden drop and the guilt was eating him inside out. His arms quickly reached out to her but she turned away from his offer.
"Y/n, I-I,"
"No it's okay namjoon. It's okay. You do your thing and i'll do my thing until this comeback comes around okay? I'll give you space if this is the best for you and both of us."
Before Y/N could even take another step away from the couch, Namjoon stood and darted towards her. He wrapped his arms around her so tightly as if she were to go somewhere that was unreachable for him. That thought alone was overwhelming. It left him shaking and his body weak. Namjoon was barely standing at this point and cried into her shoulder. He couldn't imagine his world without Y/N.
"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean those things. I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry, please don't leave me. I'm begging you please. Please. I love you."
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If it weren't for Jimin calling his name, Namjoon would've never known that there were warm tears flowing down his cheek.
"Hyung? Hyung! Are you okay?" Namjoon was fluster with the sudden acction from Jimin, quickly snapping out of his thoughts.
"Huh? Yeah. I'm okay, why don't you go to back to Yoongi and the others? I'll just finish up here."
Jimin gave a quick nod before leaving his hyung back to his original state. He was left of what there was to remaine but refused to let the memories get to him. His heart was deeply scarred from this and there wouldn't be anything to fill the void that was created. To numb the pain, Namjoon began to drink. He drank to forget the memories. He drank to forget the time he cried until no more tears came out. He drank to forget the way she left him so easily that day. He drank to cure the pain in heart that would never heal again. He drank until he was no longer conscious.
Especially, He drank to forget saying I love you.
