Give Me Envy, Give Me Malice, Give Me Your Attention *Ryden*

I'm the Light Blinking at the End of the Road, Blink Back to Let Me Know

Brendon woke up to the smell of coffee, bacon and eggs. Sarah was already up and cooking. He stood up, stretched, and took a minute to greet Bogart and Penny Lane, who were lying at the foot of the bed.

Entering the kitchen, he saw Sarah at the stove and approached her, hugging her from behind. She relaxed, leaned back against him, and said quietly, "Couldn't sleep last night?"

He didn't need to ask; he knew she'd seen the Periscope. He also knew better than to try and play it off like it was nothing. She knew him better than that.

"I probably could've slept if I'd tried, but that song was something I had to do."

Sarah lifted the frying pan off the hot burner and set it down with a clatter on the back of the stove. Turning to face him, she said in a slightly cold tone, "I understand. But it would have been nice if you'd let me in on what you were planning."

He felt a stab of guilt. She was right. He'd entered into their marriage with the intention of being the best husband he could possibly be, and a big part of being a good spouse was not making rash decisions without consulting your partner first.

"I'm sorry, Sarah."

She looked searchingly into his eyes for what felt like an eternity, then was the first to break the gaze. She said, "The food is all yours, I'm not really hungry. I'm going to Beth's for a while."

She leaned forward and pecked him on the cheek, then grabbed her purse and headed for the door. Just before she left, she called over her shoulder, "By the way, you might want to smoke up a bit before checking Twitter."

*****

Brendon took her advice to heart. He grabbed his phone, downed a cup of coffee, and ate a piece of bacon on his walk to the studio. Once there, he smoked the rest of the blunt from the previous day. Once he felt sufficiently calm to venture into the depths of online hell, he picked up his phone and tapped the Twitter icon.

Sure enough, the Panic fandom was going completely apeshit over the Periscope. Ever since Ryan had left the band, the heartbroken fans had scrutinized every single lyric that Ryan wrote for The Young Veins and Brendon wrote for the "new" Panic, and those fans theorized that 95% of the words were simply cryptic messages that the two men were trying to send out to each other. For the most part, that was total bullshit. Sure, a few of the songs were about the split and the emotional impact of it. Ryan even stated in an interview once that leaving the band was like breaking up with a girlfriend. It was only natural for true songwriters to put their thoughts and emotions into their lyrics.

Last night's Periscope, however, was a whole different ballgame. It was glaringly obvious that Brendon had chosen that specific song for Ryan. If anyone were to ask him directly about it, he wouldn't even try to hide the truth. It was the exact reason he'd done it in the first place.

He read through several Twitter posts. Many people were excited about it, hoping that it meant that Brendon and Ryan were becoming friends again; maybe they'd work together, maybe Ryan would even become a member of Panic again. Never, thought Brendon. They weren't meant to work together, and that would most likely never change.

Many other people on Twitter were simply harping on the Ryden thing again, stating that they hoped the two men would end up together romantically, at long last. Still others were upset, expressing their love for Sarah and saying they'd lose all hope in lasting love if he and Sarah ever got divorced.

Brendon sighed and was just about to put his phone down when it started to ring. Glancing at the screen, he saw that it was Zack. He swiped "Answer" and simply said, "Yup."

Zack exploded on the other end of the line. "I told you to TALK TO HIM, dude, not be all PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE about it!!!"

Brendon replied calmly, "That was in no way passive aggressive. You know Ryan and lyrics. I was speaking his language."

"And what exactly are you expecting to happen now?"

"Now...we wait. I don't even know if I want anything to happen. That was my way of apologizing. Hopefully he'll get the message. Aside from that, I don't really care. I said my piece."

"You really think he watches your Periscopes?" Zack said skeptically, but sounding a bit curious at the same time. He'd never given it any thought prior to this.

Brendon hadn't either. He considered for a minute, then replied, "Yeah. I do. But even if he doesn't, well -- all he has to do is open Twitter to find out about it. I'm sure Instagram is blowing the fuck up right now too. He'll see it."

Zack sighed loudly, and Brendon could picture him rubbing his hands tiredly over his face. Finally Zack said, "I think that was a dumb ass move, but I've never been able to stop you from doing dumb ass shit once you decide to do it. My main concern is --" he broke off.

Brendon could hear him swallow, clear his throat. There was a long silence.

"What?" Brendon prompted.

"My main concern is Sarah."

Brendon squeezed his eyes shut, the words as effective as a sucker punch.

"Same here, Zack. Same here."