Brotherly Bonding [BoyxBoy]

Brotherly Bonding- 9

The alarm clock reads two thirty. Though most nights I'd be sound asleep and dreaming things my brain say no to and my heart and body yes, I'm awake. Staring at the ceiling, chest heaving and forehead sweaty. I'm worried if I want to be completely honest.

Ash is just down the hall, I remind myself. He's right there. If it gets worse, I can get to him in ten seconds flat.

What if you can't walk? The traitor in my head asks. I could just collapse on my first attempt, fall and not get up.

My throat seems to be tightening by the second, it's getting harder and harder to breath. I have no idea what is the cause of this, but it terrifies me nonetheless. By the time I look at the clock again it tells me there's only ten minutes until three. It being Sunday, everyone but Devon would be awake for work. Only five or so hours until morning. Tanner would be up first, eight o'clock. He might think I've slept in though, and he would leave. Lucas wouldn't care, and Jordan doesn't work anymore. Even if he did, he would have started at eleven. Jesse's at nine, and the twins twelve thirty. They would probably run in to jump on me by then. Only some mornings their hearts do hold compassion and they let me sleep. The only one that would check (on a good day) was Ash. Twelve. Noon. I'd be dead by then.

I reprimand myself. Am I honestly thinking out the scenarios that end with my death? I'll be fine, I'm fine, I chant in my head. But something in my mind keeps telling me otherwise. It screams at me. I'm fucked!

I repeatedly try to stern myself for the acrimonious behaviour of the tiny voice.

Sitting bolt upright, I gasp for air. Clutching my chest, my eyes squeeze themselves shut in pain. Confusion and fear mingle together messily in my head, they pound against my temples along with my erratic heartbeat. Tears brim over and slide down my cheeks like slow-motion bullets.

Stumbling out of bed, I fumble for the door and manage to accidently hurt myself twice. I pant a few curses until I finally get out into the hall and strain my blurry eyes. There's the cousins' room to my left, Ash's on my direct right. For a moment, I actually contemplate this. Suddenly (even as I continue to clutch my chest and splutter) I feel like I shouldn't bother Ash. I don't know why, but for the same unexplainable reason I turn to my left.

Maybe originally I had planned to keep going down the stairs and sit propped up on the couch till morning and hope that position will help. Instead I trip into the door. Coughing, I rap my knuckle against it with as much feeble strength as I can muster in my state.

I grit my teeth and pull myself back, against the wall. I rub a circle on my chest, a sad attempt at stopping this. The pain and strain is getting hard to bare. Above my heavy breathing I can't hear anyone stir. I groan.

"Guys!" I stage-whisper. Then I knock both fists, louder but hopefully not too much so that it will wake up Ash. Relieving sounds come to my ears, a voice and footsteps. The door opens quickly.

"Aar-? Whoa, Aaron. What... Are you okay?" Tyler shoots me an alarmed look and grabs my arm. I shake my head, leaning into them both when Ben walks up behind him and takes my other elbow. They easily take my weight and carry me into their room.

"Let's take him downstairs," Ben suggests. "I'll make him something, you sit him up on the couch."

I see the worry in their eyes, but only barely through my clenched eyelids. I grunt when they hoist me between them and follow Ben's plan. Tyler assures I don't fall the entire way then sets me up in a semi-sitting position. Still I gasp for air.

When Ben disappears into the kitchen, again my brain betrays me with very disturbing images. Ash shuffling around with such a melancholy expression he outdoes even Tanner. Me passing out from lack of air. A cold, younger version of me that I've had nightmares about since I was a little older than the dead child they starred. A sob escapes my lip.

"You'll be okay buddy," Tyler tells me. But there's too much doubt in his voice, I don't think even he believes it at the moment. "Calm down."

"My-My. It hurts, Tyler. Hurts..."

He just pats my back silently, frowning toward the kitchen. I whimper. "I know... Ben, where are you?"

"Hold on a second, it's almost done. Aaron, do you have inhaler?" I silently curse him for speaking so loud, but I am so happy I have them here for me. I shake my head, to which Tyler sends my answer. "Have you been told you need one yet?"

I shake my head again and wipe a tear off my face. Tyler scratches his forehead, "I'm going to go get Ash."

I take my hand away from my pained chest and pull his arm back. "Please. Please no, no don't." He stares back.

"Why?" he asks simply. I groan and shake my head impatiently. "Ben, hurry your ass up please. Come talk to this kid."

"What's wrong, Aaron?" Ben finally emerges from the kitchen with a steaming cup in his hand. "You can't breathe, anything else?"

"He says it hurts," Tyler supplies. "And he won't let me get his brother..."

"Why not?" Ben immediatly shoots at me. But his eyes are still extremely worried and he hands me the cup. "You don't even have to drink that, though I suggest you do. Use the steam."

"I have to get him!"

"Dont!" I gasp. I suck in a breath through my nose and continue. "I don't want him... In... Knowing about th-this. Okay?"

"I thought you weren't a freaking idiot Aaron." Tyler says blandly. "Why the hell not?"

"... Let's humour him," Ben tells him, placing a hand on the brown haired cousin's shoulder. "He'll be fine. It's probably a one time thing. The change of season?"

I nod eagerly, but Tyler isn't swayed. "And if it isn't?"

"Then we'll tell him." Silently, I didn't agree to that. But I made no move otherwise and Tyler begrudgingly accepted the condition. A few moments later I feel, with my eyes closed so I gave quite a start, a heavy blanket dropped over my body. Then Ben quietly orders me, "Go to sleep, we'll check on you in a while."

Then I hear something that starts my heart going fast again. The worry flooding back, but not for myself. And also a hint of hurt. "Aaron too now..."

It was whispered low, Tyler to Ben at the kitchen entryway. I try to not appear any different as the possibilities swirl through my mind. The only one sticking being that Ash has this problem... Ash is sick?

A picture of him in my position, but hunched over and by himself pops into my head. I imagine the sheen of sweat on his forehead and the grimance of pain. My tears start up again. I'd never be able to live without seeing his seemingly healthy eyes again. And a fresh pain edges into my heart. Not like the dulling one from moments ago; I've never felt this pain before. It's horrible.

"No..." I whisper to myself once the voices and footfalls of Tyler and Ben have long ago vanished.