flowers | yoonmin

二十

"Park Jimin,

By the time you read this, I'm probably dead already.

I'm still here, stuck with what happened to us; the memories, the experiences, you. What have I done wrong? I asked what was wrong. I asked God again and again why I had to suffer from cancer. Despite my illness, I still loved you with all that I am.

Nothing stopped me from loving you from the depths of my heart. It's my faith and hope that made me to be this far, and your promises about our future made me believe that we were meant for each other.

Always remember that my heart only belongs to you. I am still the hyung who would pinch your chubby cheeks 'cause you're so cute. I am still the hyung who would make an effort and buy hundreds of flowers to show how much I love you and how much I care. I am still the hyung who is too obsessed with your kisses, smile and hugs. I am still the hyung who would get irritated and angry when you disturb my sleep, but ends up pulling you beside me. I am still the Yoongi hyung who would do everything to get your attention and will wait to knock on your door and tell you that I miss you so damn much.

To be honest? I miss you so damn much. I still love you. I will keep on loving you. I still love you even if I'm not in this world anymore. 

Do me a favor and stop crying over me. I won't be there to wipe your tears anymore. Do me a favor and find another lover. The person who'll be loving you next has my blessing. And when the time comes that you find another person, read this to him.

Please take care of my Jiminie. You have all of my blessings. Make him feel like the most adorable, magnificent, beautiful and special person to ever be existent, as you deserve. Promise me that you'll able to provide for your life together and make your love for each other grow by the day. Always tell him how much you love him and how grateful you are for your relationship. 

Being with you, Park Jimin, was like riding a roller coaster. You made me feel tons of emotions every time I was with you.

You made flowers grow in my lungs, Park Jimin. and although they are beautiful, I can't fucking breathe."

Jimin's eye widened as he listened to Yoongi's last letter for him. He was sitting on the first row of the memorial place as Namjoon did what he was told to do before Yoongi lost his life. 

Yoongi knew his life was about to end. He knew all along that he was close to dying, so he wrote a letter to Jimin. Yoongi never thought that his time will come up pretty soon. He expected a year, but life wasn't on his side. He was only given 5 months to live, and Jimin didn't knew about it. He didn't want to trouble is angel. He didn't want to be a burden, so he kept it to himself.

'You're so selfish, but I love you damnit.' Jimin thought to himself.

 A single drop of grief welled up from the corner of his eye and suddenly, the dam broke. Hot torrents of grief coursed down his face, his racking sobs lost in the high winds that tore at his hair and clothes.  

He ran outside. He ran and ran until his trembling legs slowly gave up. He fell down on his knees, his eyes emptying the last drops of emotions down his cheeks. 

R.I.P

Min Yoongi
1993-2016