flowers | yoonmin

二十一

"Min Yoongi.

I know you're not here already, but I'm still going to write a letter for you.

Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for making me feel that I'm the only one you needed. Thank you for everything. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I'm sorry for all the things I didn't do for you. I'm sorry for being such a stupid person for not loving you with all my heart. But always remember that I don't regret loving you because for all those times that we were together, I was at my happiest stage and being. Thank you for making me ecstatic. I'm sorry if we ended up like this. I'm sorry if I wasn't there while you were suffering. I didn't know. I hate you for not telling me about your disease, but I hate myself more for not even caring about you. But i still love you, i really do and I'll always will. Thank you for all the memories."

Jimin cried as he finished his letter to Yoongi. He wiped his tears as he folded the clean note and slid it inside an envelope before putting it on top of his fixed bed.

He couldn't take it anymore.

The anger outfitted up and up. It became so addictive. He couldn't stand the guilt and the sadness washing over him. It was making him crazy.

He walked towards the bathroom and locked the door. He opened the faucet of the bath tub and sat in it. Jimin reminisced everything that happened between them. Their shared laughters. The tight cuddles at night, those small kisses they sneak behind the class, the smiles they give to each other's faces. He remembers everything. He also remembers that time when Yoongi shouted at him for being so careless. He remembers when he got angry because Yoongi forgot to drink his medicine when the older boy was sick and he wasn't there to take care of him.

Jimin didn't notice that he was already bawling his eyes out as he recalls the memories they had. He slowly slid down until he was laying under the water which was overflowing. 

 The water was surrounding him. He wasn't scared. This was what he wanted. 

Finally, he was starting to feel dizzy because of the lack of air. He held his breath. He hoped it would just end already. He could feel himself drift away, past his life; the life he didn't want, his miserable life. He grabbed the sides of the bath tub but still managed not to lift his head up.

Everything was slipping away. His life, his thoughts, everything. The last thing he remembered was Yoongi's smile. The way his lips lifted upward. The way his eyes turn into crescents. The love within his smile. 

That was when everything went black.