i do love you

Aiden

the truth is, i had feared her ever since our breakup but i wanted the best for her. she wasn't like anyone i've ever met. there was something about her, something that sent me into a long depression when she ended things with me. when she broke my heart for attempting to get more intimate with her like when we were oblivious to what any of it really meant. i had really never understood why, since she called herself "slutmuffin" back then and probably still does. to me, it seemed like she wanted, you know, sex.

it was like she wanted that reputation. 

until of course, she showed me her true self and i realized i had fucked up really bad. i like to think that it wasn't really my fault, you know? although, people have sided. most are on my side, since i'm a, you know, "hot" guy. the point is, it wasn't my fault.

anyway, back to being a sweet guy. don't want you thinking i'm an asshole if i want you on my side, right? oh, what the hell. i loved the girl. she was my world, aight? she made me feel something i wouldn't feel with another. even if i tried. the spark she ignited in me by just being herself, it was enough.

but she broke my heart. she made me who i am today. eventually i moved on, but i never found anyone like her. that's how unique she was, how much i loved her and still do.

let's start from the beginning, shall we?

it was around elementary school, we met in kindergarten and got a little steamy on the bus. who could've blamed us, though? we was kids and we wanted to satisfy that tingly feeling we got in between our legs. we wanted to experiment how to make it feel alive.

we started by me caressing her breasts. she seemed to really like that back then. but she never let me touch her anywhere else and she never touched me at all. except for that one time barely anyone was on the bus and we were in the back and she told me to get rid of my pants which is technically saying "take your pants off and let me suck you," which is exactly what she did. she sucked me like a lollipop for over 10 minutes, nonstop. it felt magnificent. i didn't want her to stop but i knew i had to give her a satisfying feeling back, even if we were young.

now don't get me wrong, i never put myself in her. well, i did put my tongue in her but that's besides the point. 

every day she would let me touch, suck and examine her boobs. it's all we really did, though. what was really strange is we never, you know, kissed. not once. i think it's because we never really thought to since we didn't get a tingly feeling in our lips like we did in between our legs.

once that era ended we didn't speak again until around 5th grade. why? who knows. girls are just weird like that. anyway, when we started talking again.. i got to know her. really know her. for who she was. this is a big deal because i used to think of her as "big breast girl," but after i got to know her.. i thought of her as "beautiful personality."

we acted like kindergarten never happened and i think she liked it that way. and if i'm going to be honest, i kinda liked it that way too. in a way, we started over because by the end of 5th grade we became a thing everyone knew about. we were voted, "cutest couple," more than once. we barely touched, though. the most we would do is hold hands and peck each other's lips but i didn't mind. i was satisfied enough just by being around her.

but a couple years into our relationship, i think it was the end of 10th grade, i started to want more from her. i know it was wrong to take advantage of her but i couldn't help it. something about her.. made me want her. all of her. everything with her. and she got mad at me for it.