Say something I'm giving up on you, I'll be the one if you want me to.
"....Mum? Mum wake up please.... Mum?" "Please say something.... anything! It should have been me... Not her. "Mum.... This shouldn't have happened to you. Why you out of all people?"
The scene was gruesome, she was full of gunshot holes. Her beautiful pale face was tainted with streaks of crimson from her wounds. They just left her here... How dare they leave her like this? Why... Why?
Anywhere I would have followed you, Say something I'm giving up on you
She can't be.. d.. She can't! Why didn't I go with you.... I should have gone with you. This wouldn't have happened if only I went with you. Maybe I could have stopped it..
"Mom.... Answer me!"
And I am feeling so small
It wouldn't have mattered anyways.. I can't do anything. I'm just a stupid, clumsy, spoiled brat. Instead of being with her.. spending time with her... I was always so jealous of Francis and Peter and I was being irrational and upset because you always spend time with them. I didn't want this..
"I'm so sorry mum.... I acted like such a kid. I acted so immature, and now look at the cost."
It was over my head
"I didn't think this was g-going to happen." I try to hold back my tears, but they flow.
I know nothing at all
I always see the news about those criminals and people who kill people but... I didn't think.. not in our neighborhood, and not you mum. Damn it.. What was I thinking? I didn't think people could actually be so.. cruel.
"I'm such an idiot... I sh-shouldn't have let you go all alone. I didn't think this was going to be d-dangerous... Hehe, proves how much I know huh?"
And I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning love, just starting to crawl.
"Mum..." The tears were relentless now. There was no stop to them. I stared down at her body.
Her blonde hair was shining, as bright as the sun. She had the brightest green eyes, that if you stared at them long enough, you would get lost in a meadow. Her smile could brighten anyone in the darkest mood, and she was the definition of perfection.
Say something I'm giving up on you, I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
I should have gotten here earlier. I told my brother that something must have happened, why doesn't anybody listen to me? " If only I would have gotten here earlier you would be alive."
Anywhere I would have followed you, Say something I'm giving up on you
"Now what are we going to do mum? Who is going to cook for us, who is going to pay the rent, who is going to clean, who is going to watch us mum? We are just kids... we can't handle this yet! Please don't send us to dads..."
And I will swallow my pride
I have to take responsibility, and I have to let go of my stubborn nature.. I won't allow this to happen anymore.
"I guess there is no good in the world anymore, not anymore."
You're the one that I love
"I shouldn't have taken you for granted mum... I love you, but I never told you did I?"
And I'm saying goodbye
"I guess this is goodbye mum. Please watch over us and k-keep us s-safe?" I choke back a sniffle before standing up. "Bye mum." I fought the tears on the way home.
Say something I'm giving up on you
How am I supposed to tell my brother? How will he react? Why am I so scared..?
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
What will he say? Will he blame it all on me? It is my fault. It's all my fault and there is nothing I can do about it.
Anywhere I would have followed you
I hate my life. Why can't I just die...
No. Mum wouldn't want that. She would want me to go on with my life, not to mourn her. She would want me to be strong.
Say something I'm giving up on you
I'll never forgive myself for this. I'll be strong, but it does not change the fact it's my fault. She died because of me. I wasn't there when she needed me to be.
Say something I'm giving up on you
I never even said goodbye. I never told her how much I really love and appreciate her. She never got to hear me say those words. Now, I will never see her again, I'll never hear her sing me another lullaby or speak to me or scorn me for being bad.
Say something
It's just nothing now. Why do I feel so small.... I'm nothing. All I have now are pictures, memories and reminders she existed. I'll never feel her soft gold hair again... or stare into her green eyes. I'll never feel her delicate hands hug me and keep me warm. I'll never see her again.
I stop in the front of my house.
And I cry.
