The Game of Life {Completed}

Five

I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket as I ventured down the blue and white checkered linoleum halls of the hospital. It couldn't be Sandy- she knew I would be here half the day- and I couldn't think of anyone else. I pulled out my phone to look.

Phil;): Yo why arent you at school??

I rolled my eyes, wondering why he cared, before remembering our "coffee date" after school.

Me: Hospital. I'll be back at lunch, so we're still on for coffee.

Phil;): WOAH why are you at the hospital?? Are you okay??

Me: Just a doctors visit, no big deal. I've got to go, see you later.

I felt kind of guilty lying to him. Sure, it was mostly the truth, and he'd cheated on so many people that he probably wouldn't care. But it wasn't just a "doctor's visit." It was my second annual anxiety checkup. Twice every year, for the past two years, I've had to visit the doctor (who was stationed in a hospital) to answer questions about my anxiety as a way to see if I was improving, or if the medication was working.

I made it to the double doors under the sign that read "Mental Illness Hall." Yup, this is where I belong. I sighed, pushing the doors open and making my way down. I kept my head look, tucking my hands away in the sleeves of my pastel pink jumper- it made me feel the safest. I made it to room 246 where all my meetings have been. I knocked three times, having to wait a little too long before receiving an answer.

"Come in," she spoke. "Oh, hello, Daniel." Her voice was fake, feigning interest of any kind. It was obvious she didn't care about me or any of the other patients she cared for; she just wanted the money.

"Hello," I said meekly.

"How are you?" As if you care.

"Okay."

"That's good. Now, how are is the medication going?" She continued with routine questions, as well as additional ones based on m answers to the routine ones. Soon she was having to leave the room for a new medication- my fifth one.

"Oh, while I'm gone, I'd like you to fill out this depression test. We just want to make sure you're doing okay," she said before handing me a clipboard with a paper on it and walking out of the room. This was, by far, my least part of these visits. No, of anxiety. No, of existence. I hated them. It asked questions like, "have you been experiencing feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness?" and then asks you to rate it; 1-not at all 2-occasionally 3-most days 4-everyday. I've been lying on it since the first day I took it. I knew my mom wouldn't like having a depressed kid, I mean, she didn't even like having one with anxiety. The only reason she took me in for it was because she didn't want a son with a "goddamn mental illness." If she found out I was depressed, it would piss her off more, and she'd probably just say I was faking it.

I finished the test with seven ones and three twos out of ten questions, equalling up to a completely normal teenage boy. With new medications and a fake smile on my face, I kept my head down and left the building, dreading having to go to hell.

"Hey, Dan!" Phil said as I walked out to the courtyard. He was sat next to Sandy, where they seemed to have been having a good discussion.

"Oh, hi," I said, sitting on the ground in front of them. I had always managed to be that friend- even with Sandy. The friend that sat on the floor when there weren't any seats, or the friend that walked behind the group when the sidewalk wasn't wide enough.

"How was it?" She asked. I gave her a look, and she knew what it meant- did you tell him?? She shook her head no.

"Um, it was good. I'm all good." Phil nodded before going on about our 'coffee date.' Sandy gave me a sympathetic look, and I just shook my head. Next thing I knew my phone was vibrating.

Sandy:): So what happened?

Me: I got new meds. My fifth new kind.

Sandy:): I'm sorry, babe. I looked up to see her looking back at me with that look. I hated that look. I excused myself and spent the rest of the day in the bathroom, reading and reassessing my choices. I did this all the time, my freshmen year especially. It almost got me suspended once because I wasn't in class enough. I sighed, remembering the days I got bullied more than ever, and tried to focus on my book. 

Heyoo, how are you doing? I'm sorry these chapters are a bit smaller, but I promise the next one will be longer :) Anyway, how are you enjoying it? I hope you like it, because I think this is going to being of my favourite works. I hope you are doing well, because you are so much more amazing then you think <3 Just because you think something does not make it true. I swear you are worth everything in the world and more. Work towards you goals, because once you get there you'll be able to say I fucking did it, and it will be the best moment of your life. Work for that moment of pride. Thanks so much, stay strong, and goodbye! ^-^