The Game of Life {Completed}

Twelve

I woke up to find myself naked, in bed with Phil. His arms were around me and my face was nuzzled into his neck. What am I doing? His embrace felt warm but foreign. I'd never felt so loved or cared for, and it was weird. I tried to shift my body a bit to keep my limbs from falling asleep, but of course managed to wake Phil in the process.

"Mm, goodmorning, love," Phil said, reaching his arms up and stretching.

"Oh, h-hi," I said, feeling really awkward.

"How do you feel?" I wasn't sure if he meant generally, or because of our sexual activity.

"Um, I'm okay."

"Good," he said, rolling over to embrace me again, kissing me multiple times on the cheek, forehead, and nose. I smiled, feeling a bit better with the playful and loving act. "So, what should we do today, babe?"

"Um ,actually, w-were you going to help me out with the work I missed?"

"Oh, yeah sure," he said. He said it happily, and I knew he thought it sounded as boring as it would be. "Hey, spouse, do you know what would be a great, time-consuming activity that we'll love? Studying." Yeah, I don't think so. We got out of bed and I put on my boxers, a t-shirt, and the pajama bottoms Phil gave me, while Phil only put on pajama bottoms.

"Come on, let's get some breakfast, and then I'll help you out," phil said, kissing me on the cheek before leaving the room. I stood there for a minute. What have I gotten myself into. We sat eating bowls of cereal in silence, and I couldn't get my mind off of what happened. I had had sex, with Phil Lester. The same guy Sandy repeatedly told me not to get involved with. God. I couldn't even think about if I liked it anymore. Too consumed with my thoughts, I abandoned my cereal and excused myself to the bathroom, where I texted Sandy.

Me: Hey. I'm so sorry. I need you. It sounded selfish, but it was the truth.

"Okay, so what you've gotta do is add this angle to this angle so that they form a line," Phil tried to explain.

"But how, they aren't adjacent?" I sucked at maths- like, really sucked.

"The don't have ot be adjacent to form a line. Like how these two ninety degree angles are on opposite corners but they still for a like with 180 degrees." I nodded, acting like I had a clue what he was talking about. I had a D+ in maths and I knew it wasn't going to go up anytime soon; especially not with Phil's abre chest near me while I'm trying to work, and his hand on my lower back.

"Okay, so now that you've got that," no I don't, "what else do you need help with?"

"Um, I guess that's it. I can catch up in economics and physiology. Thanks," I said, testing the waters by kissing him on the cheek. He smirked before kissing me on the lips, slipping his tongue in. All of this affection was so new and weird to me, and I wasn't sure what to do. God, we had sex and I still didn't know what to do. What is wrong with me?

"Is something wrong, love?" Phil asked, his hand at the back of my neck playing with my hair.

"Oh-uh, no, I'm fine. Feeling a little under the weather, I guess."

"You should get some rest love, seeing as you didn't get much last night," he said with a wink. I chuckled and agreed, soon getting myself ready to go. It wasn't that I didn't like Phil- I loved him, he was amazing. It was just that the whole experience was so new and a little too much. Phil was my first boyfriend, first kiss, and first time. It was a lot all at once.

"I love you, Dan. Stay safe, please" Phil said before I left, kissing me on the cheek.

"I-I love you too," I said, slipping out the door. The air was humid and ground wet. I didn't hear it rain... I didn't want to go home to my parents to hear them bickering about my whereabouts and how lazy I was, so I went to the park near my house. It was kind of old and there weren't a lot of kids that went there. With all the electronics kids got at a young and the lessening desire to go outside, not many kids found it appealing to go to the playground. Any kids that were there were below five or teenagers above fifteen, like me. There currently wasn't anyone there, it being about eleven o'clock. This was usually the time for lunch or naps for the little kids, and a lot of teenagers weren't even awake.

I sat down on one of the holed benches that were typically in parks, putting my head in my hands. God, what am I doing? I had sex. I had sex with the same guy I had my first kiss with, who is my first boyfriend. And I had sex. Did I even like it? I think I did... My mind was running so fast I didn't notice the tap on my knee until a little voice spoke.

"Hello?" I looked up to see a little boy, probably about six, standing in front of me. He had cute blond hair and pinchable cheeks with freckles on them. His eyes reminded me of Phil"s.

"Hi," I said.

"Are you sad?" What?

"What?"

"You look sad. Are you sad?"

"Um, I guess I'm a little sad," I said. Who is this kid?

"Why?"

"Um, I did something, that, I maybe shouldn't have done," I said, trying to figure out how to less explicitly tell a six year old I had sex.

"Why did you do it?" Why did this kid care? What is he getting at?

"Um because at the moment I thought it would be okay."

"Why don't you fix it?" Why did he make it seem like this was so easy?

"Because it's not that easy to fix," I said.

"Oh." He seemed to have lost hope.

"But it's okay. I'll get it sorted out. You don't need to worry," I said, holding out my hand for a fist bump. He smiled and hit his fist on mine.

"You're nice," he said.

"Thank you. You are too." He smiled and waved before running off to play on the playground. I usually didn't like talking to kids, as they usually looked at me oddly and I never knew what to say; but this kid was an exception. Why did this kid seem to make everything so easy? I took out my phone.

Me: Phil?

Phil<3: yes love?

Me: I know I probably shouldn't be asking thins via text, but, what did you think of last night? I bit my lip and hesitated before pressing send.

Phil<3: I told you i thought it was amazing

Phil<3: you were beautiful and you did so well and i couldn't have asked for anything better

Phil<3: why do you ask?

Me: I don't konw, I guess I was just wondering...

Phil<3: what did you think of it?

Me: It was good, and you're amazing

Me: I just, I don't know...

Phil<3: is something wrong Dan?

Me: At the time it seemed right, and I really wanted it, and I don't regret it, but, I don't know if I was ready...

Phil<3: I didn't push you did i? I couldnt forgive myself if i forced you into it

Me: No! You didn't push me, I wanted it. It's just... Idk. Can we talk about htis in person, some other time?

Phil<3: of course whenever you want

Me: Thanks. I love you<3

Phil<3: love you more <3

Heeeeyo, how are you, you fine specimen of life? I hope it's all going good. I really haven't got anything interesting to say. I've started drivers training and I'm literally scared that I'm gonna have a panic attack in the car, so, I mean that's interesting? Anyway, I just hope you're doing okay and that everything falls into place for you. Deep breaths and happy thought, and just put yourself in a good enough state to get through it. Nothing, and I mean nothing is more important than your mental state. If you are not in the right state of mind, you need to do everything you can do to get yourself comfortable with yourself before you try to get comfortable with the world around you. You are your number one priority, and no, that is not selfish. That is self-care and self-love, which is a good and important thing to have. Just hang in there, and I promise everything will fall into place. Thanks and goodbye! ^-^