June 6, 2010
Dear Diary,
Ness and I have gotten even closer over time, as hard as it is to believe. She's all I think about anymore. I am always yearning for her touch; her kiss. Patrolling is almost unbearable now, considering I'm not with Nessie at that time. I always have felt drawn to her, but it has unbelievably intensified over the course of two weeks. Her cream, silk skin, her big chocolate brown eyes, her plump, pink lips. Everything about her just makes her more lovable to me.
The funny thing though, is that I like her on the inside too. Not her just her looks. I love her intellectually. She's so smart, and witty, I could talk to her for hours, and never get bored.
I might've felt a bit of this for Bella, but I didn't know what love was at the time. I now know how Edward felt about Bella, and I hate that I gave him hell over our competition on who got to be with her. I mean, it was a dumbass move for him to leave that one time, but I can see now that he did it to protect her. Because he loves her. I never loved Bella that way. I love her as a friend of course, but I now know what true love is. True love is never being able to get that person out of your head. Eagerness to see them when you're away. Smiling the whole time you're with them. Knowing that the person loves you, and all of your flaws.
I finally am not the one without a person to love. When Bella chose Edward, not only did it shatter my heart, but it was embarrassing for the pack to know that I didn't have a soul mate. Besides Leah, the rest of them were happy with their lives, apart from me. So, it's refreshing to be happy for once. Edward does scowl half the time, but he's loosened up a lot. Ness has also been hanging out with the other imprints lately. Kim, Emily, and Claire. They talk to her about how to deal with us being away, sometimes in danger. Besides that, Ness loves being my imprint.
"It makes me feel like...you're mine. I don't want to claw the eyes out of all the girls who check you out anymore, because you're mine." She admitted softly, when we were sitting next to a pond outside of the Cullens' house. I rolled my eyes.
"Honey, they don't even compete with you." I told her firmly. She blushed.
"I really don't know how you find me pretty. There are such prettier girls than me." She frowned. I gaped at her, appalled at her judgement.
"You mean those girls, with make up caked on their faces, with stiff hair? How in the hell do you think they're more beautiful than you? You must really not see yourself clearly...You're stunning. Hell, I don't see one man who doesn't want to steal you right off the bat." I said, my voice rising slightly. She rolled her eyes at me.
"I mean, besides the fact that I never get a pimple, and my skin glows in the sun, I'm not really that special..." She whispered. I gawked at her.
"Do you need glasses, Ness? I mean, really? You are so beautiful." I told her, running the back of my hand down the smooth plane of her face. She leaned into my hand, and hummed lightly.
"Whatever you say, Jake." She murmured. When she looked up at me, I stared at her eyes.
"I love your eyes. Not one girl I've seen has had such beautiful eyes." I told her, my breath softly running over her face.
"Why? They're just plain old brown." She replied. Remind me to schedule her an appointment to the eye doctor's office.
"Other girls' eyes don't shine like yours, nor are they an exact replica of milk chocolate, Nessie." I stated simply.
"Well, I think yours are nicer." She finalized, and I shook my head at her. She's so adorable.
"I love you." I whispered in her ear. She leaned on me, and laid her head on my shoulder.
"I love you too, Jakey." She said, nibbling on my earlobe. I felt a rumble in my chest, not from the name she called me of course, but the nibbling on my earlobe part. Who knew that felt so damn good? I sure didn't. My growl caused her to giggle, and I smiled back, placing feather light kisses on the corners of her mouth.
"You're such a good kisser." She mumbled, before pressing her lips against mine, with added pressure. I relished in the soft feeling of her lips, and let us both fall back against the sun-warmed grass.
Ness hummed lightly, and I ran my fingers through her soft, bronze waves, taking in the sweet smell of pomegranate that radiated off of her. Her hands roamed freely on my back, until I pulled away. Her eyebrows furrowed, and a frown formed on her flushed face.
"Di-did I do something wrong?" she asked.
"What? No, of course not. You did everything so right. That's why we had to stop." I explained quickly. She looked thoughtful, and continued to gaze at me confused.
"We can't get carried away. I promised your father I would respect his wishes, and I can't let this get out of hand." I said. Like a light bulb went off in her head, her face changed into a look of understanding.
"Oh! Okay...I see now." She said softly, and I nodded.
"Trust me, I don't think you could do anything even close to wrong." I said, and she blushed. I chuckled, and she blushed deeper.
"Well, you must have been practicing...You're pretty fantastic at it yourself." She said. I grinned.
"I know." I said breezily. She rolled her eyes.
"You are so modest, Jake." Her voice thick with sarcasm. I laughed again, and she joined me, her light laugh like a peal of bells, chiming softly. I fought the urge to kiss her, knowing Edward could be anywhere. Instead, I settled for laying back down on the soft grass, trying to keep my hormones in control.
After a few seconds, Ness scooted beside me, and started rubbing circles in the palm of my hand. I closed my eyes, letting her warm touch evade my thoughts. It felt nice, the familiar electric tingle from her touch running through my arm, but also very relaxing.
"I don't like it when you have to go on patrol with the pack." Ness said, breaking the silence. I opened my eyes, and looked at her.
"Why?" I questioned.
"Because, I miss you. Every time you leave, I feel so sad. I feel like I need you around all the time for me to feel happy. I'm considering getting a leash for you, so you can never leave." She said, a smile tracing her lips at the last part. I nodded.
"Honey, you should know I feel the same. I guess it's the way imprints are. I feel incomplete without you. But, how else can I protect you, if I don't patrol?" I asked.
"Let the pack patrol without you. Then you can stay with me all the time." She said. I smiled.
"I wish I could, but I like killing vampires too." I said, softly mock-punching her shoulder. She rolled her eyes, and giggled.
"Well, you have to promise to see me whenever you're not patrolling." She said firmly.
"Deal." I said, shaking her hand.
Thankfully, I now have an excuse to see her as much as possible. I'll talk to you guys later.
- Jacob
