Oblivious // Wolfstar

What's Love?

Sirius shoved Marlene out of his way. He sprinted faster than he ever had before up the stairs to Moony.

Why
Why did I do that?

Although it was true that Sirius and Remus weren't technically dating Sirius still felt guilty. He felt as if the weight of his body multiplied as he ran through the dimly lit halls of the castle.

Tears were streaming down his face, but he didn't notice. He had to get to his Moony.

The Black shoved innocent soon- to-be wizards out of the way.

What was taking so long?

Sirius didn't even really know where he was going, but he knew he couldn't stop. Not until he saw his beautiful face again.

*

*

Remus had ran to the library. He knew it wasn't the best hiding place, but he wasn't thinking clearly. The young werewolf sat in the corner and cried.  He felt the presence of a person next to him.

" Hey it's okay. "

Remus just sobbed into the girl's shoulders. After a while Remus seemed to be running out of tears. So Amelia asked him sweetly, " Mind telling me what just happened?"

Remus lifted his head and sniffed one last time. He nodded gingerly.
" I just- I just thought that after everything, he actually liked me. I love him. I mean, I know we weren't technically dating, but I thought I meant more to him than just one fight. " Remus rambled for a while before  concluding, " I knew it was too good to be true. Who could ever love me?"

Amelia pulled Remus close.

" Don't say that , love. I'm sure every thing will work out. For now let's take your mind off him."

Amelia looked around. She knew were the best books were in the library because she had spent most of her seven years of Hogwarts in there. Wether it be reading, or talking to friends.

She pulled out a book and began reading aloud.  She only stopped when the doors burst open and a panting, raven haired boy appeared.

He walked over to them, but before he could speak the girl stopped him.

She gave him a sad smile. " Not now, Sirius. He doesn't want to see you right now"

Sirius gazed beyond her to the boy who had stolen his heart.  He was nestled with a book in his hands tears still silently flowing, but he was smiling.

Sirius nodded and walked away.

He had ruined his one shot at being loved.

He had not been sure of his feelings for the lycanthrope.

They were the same as anyone had ever described the feeling of love.

But love was scary to the Black. After all he never knew what it was like.

The only thing he knew about love, was that families were supposed to give it, and his family did just the opposite. 

Do I love Remus?

Sirius had never thought about it before. He made his was to the astronomy tower. He always liked to think here.

He pondered about what that meant. To love.
*
*
Sirius came to the conclusion that he did indeed love the werewolf.

He made that decision with a bottle of fire whiskey and cigarettes.

And crying.

Sobs filled the poor boys voice and mind.

He realized then that he had ruined it.  He had ruined his one shot at love.

Though he was only young, he could see that if the only person he only loved thus far was his best friend, he would never love anyone ever again.

The animagi stepped onto the ledge of the tower. He closed his eyes and thought.

He thought about Hogwarts.

He thought about his friends.

And most of all, he thought about Remus.

Remus made him feel like he could fly. More than any broomstick ever wood.  (Hahahaha get it...... no ok I'll leave)

He spread his arms out, ready to leap.

Ready to take flight.

But a voice in his mind scolded him.

You're being selfish. Think of Remus. Think of all the full moons he's been through.

Sirius stepped down from the edge of the stargazing platform.

" That's right. I'll be brave. For Moony."

*

*

The drunken boy walked along the corridors, gripping the walls for balance.

When he reached the portrait he mumbled the password and tripped through the entryway.

He expected the marauders in the dormitory to all be asleep, but of course the one he was dreading the most sat wide awake on his bed.

At first Sirius thought that Remus was reading, but upon closer inspection he saw that Remus was quietly sobbing into his hands.

Sirius sat next to him and pulled him into a hug.  He hiccuped and kissed the brown haired boy's head.  Remus pushed him away gently.

" Sirius you smell disgusting. Like alcohol and smoke. Are you drunk?"

Sirius smiled.

" Of course. You think someone as pathetic as me could handle this without alcohol?"

Remus chuckled sadly and looked up at Sirius.

" you're not pathetic ," Remus hesitated for a moment," I'm sorry I overreacted. We weren't really dating and I know you would much rather have Marlene than me...."

" What in Merlin's beard are you talking about Moony? I feel nothing for her. I was just being a selfish prick, you know that"

" It's okay, Sirius, really. I've gotten used to not being loved by now. You don't have to lie."

Sirius stared at Remus in disbelief. He pulled him into a hug again.

" Moony that's horrible! Don't say that! I know plenty of people love you."

Sirius paused. He considered stopping there. He took a deep breath.

No. I have to be brave for Moony.

"Including me"

" What?"

" I love you Remus. You're the first person I've ever loved. It's hard for me to say love, to even think about it. But now I know that I love you."

Sirius seemed to have sobered up now. Remus could see the terrified look in his eyes, despite the darkness.

" I love you too"