BURNED

Chapter Two

The following days consisted of Kyle and I arguing over the baby. I begged and pleaded with him to consider my feelings. As Kyle did the same to me. Back to yesterday's conversation.

"Baby think about it, this baby wasn't conceived with love, but hatred!" I rolled my eyes at him. "I don't know if I can honestly love this baby, because every time I look at it I will be reminded of what happen to you and then I will remember how it tore you and broke you."

    I couldn't take it anymore. "Kyle look, I understand why you think that and all
    But you need to understand this baby, my baby, never asked for this just as I never did. Therefore you're asking me to abort a part of me and that right there is what will break me!" He looked at me and shook his head about to speak.

"No I'm not done. Think about it could you harm a part of yourself? I know that the biological father is a piece of shut for what he did to me but that doesn't matter because we can love this baby and raise this baby to be a better person. Please don't ask me to abort him/her. Please think of what you're asking."

    After that we didn't talk anymore about the subject. I have to go to group tonight and I'm scared. On the verge of a panic attack. I wish I could talk to Kyle he always calms me. But he has been going into the office instead of staying home with me. He probably won't be back before I have to leave.

    I ate an apple then read a little of my latest books I picked up on my kindle. After a while I must have dozed off. "Maci baby, you get to get up and get going to your first group sessions."

    I jolted up. "Kyle!" I asked startled. "What time is it?" I asked looking around not believing I fell asleep.

"It's a little after five and you need to be at group at five thirty baby. I figured I would get home and take you then go out with John for a bite to eat before I need to get you."

"Oh okay let me umm brush my teeth and we can go."

"Okay we can talk on the way there I want to tell you a few things!" He smiled. I mean a actual smile.

    After brushing my hair and teeth we left. As I sat there for a few seconds I finally spoke. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"Well for starters I decided the best thing to do is support you with your decision to keep the baby. I am really hoping it's a girl that looks like you." I smiled as he continued. "And john and I closed on our first big deal so we are going to celebrate this weekend with the old gang!"

    I sucked in a breath. I don't think I can do that, it's too soon. "Thank you for your support. I happy for you and John, I am. It's just I don't know if I'm ready to venture out and hang with friends."

"Baby please I really want you there with me celebrating." He looked sad now and I hated that.

"I'll try." I said as he pulled up to the hospital. I got out and looked at him before closing the door. I took a deep breath and walked inside.

    After finding my way and debating on going inside I stressed about what I was doing and about Kyle. I paced back and forth not knowing what to do. "Come on Maci get it together and just go in." I say to myself till I was interrupted.

"You know Maci, you did say Maci right? They have other group sessions for umm talking to yourself." The girl chuckled laughing at her own joke.

"So you coming in or not? We are about to start and I can tell you right now you need this. I've been where you are now and this group, these people we know how to help."

    I stared at her. How did she know? Am I that obvious? She held the door open and nodded at me. I walked in and she came in behind me.

"My names Shelly, by the way. Oh and just so you know you don't have to say anything tonight but introducing yourself would help others feel safe with what they talk about. Maybe give a little insight as to why you're here. Not what happened to you but why you decided to come? Friends made you, a boyfriend maybe or whatever."

    I smiled at her. "Thank you Shelly. I really appreciate that." She nodded and went to take a seat. I took the other only empty seat on the other side of the circle.

    Introductions started up and I sat and waited. All these woman went through something like I did. I wanted to cry not for me but for them. As it was my turn I waved my hand and gave a small smile. "Hello, my name is Maci Hayes and I decided to come for the baby I found out I'm now carrying from the tragic night, that I hope I can share at some point." I took in a deep breath and listened to the last few women say hello.

    The lady who I assume was a doctor stood and smiled. "So is there anyone that wants to start us off. Maybe Shelly? I know you can relate to Maci's situation a little better than most of us." I looked over at Shelly and she smiled.

"Sure I can start." She took a deep breath. "I was raped by someone I looked up to and thought would protect me. Boy was I wrong. I was in my senior year of high school when my boyfriend and I broke up because I wouldn't sleep with him. He started nasty rumors about me and I cried every day. One day my teacher asked me to stay after class. I did and I wish I didn't. That day started it all and I didn't even know it. I was naive and a dumb girl."

"Shelly we talked about this, you are not and were not a dumb girl. Like you said you looked up to him, he was supposed to protect you not harm you in anyway."

    Shelly nodded and continued. "As time went on I started staying after school for his help in some courses I was having trouble with. Then around Halloween he decided enough time was wasted and asked if I needed a ride home. I thought it was odd but I said sure. Only instead he drove to a park. It was already dark and I started to get scared. He told me he had feelings for me and that he wanted to leave his wife for me. I was shocked." She looked over at me.

"I told him I wanted to go home and that what he said was inappropriate. He didn't care, he backed handed me. Then told me to shut up. The next thing I knew was he was forcing himself inside me. I screamed I cried but that only pushed him to continue. After he told me this never happened and if I told anyone I would regret it. I didn't even look at him. I jumped out of the car and ran home with blood traveling down my chin and leg." She took a deep breath and looked over at me.

"Don't cry for me Maci. I was at least lucky enough that I had my mom. As I got home and she took in my appearance she called the cops. I had told them what happened. I had to go to the hospital for evidence. But when the doctor asked if I was on anything I got even more scared and lied. Well around Christmas break I found out that my teacher left me with a child. Her name is Sophia she is 5 going on 16 now. I love her and she is my world. I choose to keep her because she is a part of me."

    After Shelly a few more women talked and shared. Some shared what was going on now and others talked about what happened to them. But all I could do was think of what Shelly went through. She knew her attacker, I didn't. I couldn't decide which was better. But that's because neither was.

    My first group session was over. I went to leave but Shelly stopped me. "So how about we go for coffee! Well in your case decaf coffee."

"I'd like that. Let me just let my boyfriend know." I called Kyle and told him about Shelly, not her story but just that she was nice and we shared something in common. He was fine and said he was still with John.

     At the cafe we sat in silence for a little while. But this silence wasn't awkward like with everyone else. Rachel at first tried talking to me and then things got awkward. Kyle try's but again we have those awkward moments.

"I don't know the two men who attacked me. I was walking home alone because Kyle was having too much fun. He couldn't even walk me home!" I looked up at her and saw no judgement no sympathy. But I saw understanding.

"He had the nerve to tell me to abort the baby. But he is now okay with it. Or at least  he says he is. He and a friend of ours just closed a deal in work. They want to get the gang together and celebrate this weekend. I don't think I'm ready for that."

"Then tell him, if he can't understand then just tell him we have a session."

"He will check and know that we don't."

"Ahh but we do! It's at my place just us and some wine!" She laughed and I laughed with her.

     We talked a while longer and I could tell we were on our way to a great friendship. One even better than what I had with Rachel. We exchanged numbers and I waited for Kyle while she took off to get Sophia.

    Later that night Kyle and I got into a fight about the weekend. I didn't want to go and I wasn't going to. He ended up yelling at me and the taking a pillow to the couch.