pretend (phan)

twelve

(a/n: THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 4K I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU)

It'd been a day, and not even a word from Phil had been heard.

Phil left all of his things at their house, and Dan was hoping he'd come back and retrieve them. He just wanted to see Phil, even if he'd yell at him or ignore him completely. He missed his husband, and this was karma for treating Phil so poorly.

This was a wake up call.

It was always Dan's inconveniences, never Phil's. Dan was selfish, he'll admit that now. Maybe Phil leaving was good, so Dan would have time to fix things up a little.

He walked around their bedroom, a vinyl playing classical music in the background as Dan's feet padded on the wooden floor. It was late and Dan wished Phil was demanding cuddles again, but instead he was alone and getting drunk to attempt to make himself feel better. Keyword: attempt. And so far the outcome was unsuccessful.

He swished around the red wine in his glass, staring down at it and exhaling before spotting Phil's box of things he hadn't unpacked when they moved. There were movies, books, and other inanimate objects stacked up, Dan examining some of them, admiring his husband's nerdiness.

He looked down at the collection of anime, remembering how he loved them. He squinted his eyes at a particular one.

"What the hell is a Yuri On Ice?"

He shook his head and put everything back into place, picking up his wine glass and remembering what Phil said.

"In the end [money] won't buy you anything but alcohol and drugs for your self-pity once you realize how full your life is of bullshit."

And god, was Phil correct.

Dan wanted to call him, to drive to his apartment and knock on his door until he opened it. He just missed his husband, and his only friend.

Instead, Dan being Dan, he had called his mother.

"He left?" Dan's mother repeated, her voice sharp over the phone. Dan exhaled, holding the device to his ear.

"Yes. Phil left."

"Well you can't divorce, it's only been a month and a half."

"I know, mother, I'm just telling you that he went back to his old apartment and I'll be sleeping alone tonight. I just feel bad. He's been nothing but kind towards me, yet we completely disregarded that just because he was poor. Since when does money determine the quality of a person?"

"It's always been like that, Daniel. I expected you to realize that and overcome it. You're a grown man now, and being married to such an inspiring and intelligent other, I expected you to learn. But you haven't learned. Tell me, Dan, what has Phil done for you?"

"He helped me face my fear of heights. . . He got breakfast for me, he baked a cake for my birthday. It was a brilliant meal, at that. He gave me hugs and cuddles when I was upset. And made dinner when we couldn't get Chinese takeout. He didn't judge me when I attempted to make food, instead thanking me. He's respected me and all I've done to him is ignore his feelings."

"It's good that you're realizing all of this. Once you come to grips with all these problems, you can fix them. You can't repair something until you know what's wrong with it. Understand your flaws and learn to cope with them.  Show Phil the love he's given you."

Dan felt his eyes watering just at at the mention of his husband, the image of him coming into mind. "He made me my first proper birthday cake. With candles and everything."

"And what did you wish for?"

Dan sighed, answering honestly as he wiped at his sad eyes. "I wished for Phil to be happy."

-

After getting bored and antsy, Dan threw on one of Phil's hoodies and headed outside into the snow with no particular destination in mind. Honestly, he was hoping of bumping into Phil, but chances of that seemed slim.

He shoved his hands in the pockets, hood over his head, thankful he hadn't been noticed as a celebrity. What he needed was to fit in right now.

He kept his gaze locked down until he heard coughing, turning to spot a homeless man, sick and shivering. Dan froze, frowning and shuffling over.

"Sir? Would you like my coat?"

The man looked up, eyes beginning to water. "A-are you sure? It's cold, you need it-"

"It's my pleasure. Please, take it." Dan stripped off his jacket, helping to slip it onto the man. He reached up and took Dan's hand, squeezing it gratefully and smiling with tears in his eyes.

"Thank you so much. You're one of the few people that shows so much kindness."

Dan grinned, nodding and ready to get up until the man spoke up again. "Are you Dan Howell?"

Dan instantly dropped his smile. "Yes."

The man's jaw dropped. "You're married to an old buddy of mine. Phil, right? We used to eat together on this very bench when he was struggling too. Always a good kid, he deserved so much and has always received so little. Sometimes he'd even give me most of his food to make sure I was healthy, even though he was practically a walking skeleton. I hope you give him the love he needs."

"I try to. Actually, we recently got into a disagreement and he's not very happy with me."

The man sighed, gesturing for Dan to sit and introducing himself as Roger before beginning to speak. "Phil has always been a sensitive man, from the day I met him to the last time I've seen him. You see, Phil's always been the one to give and never get. He gave up so much for so many people and was never thanked. So at this point, Phil still has lots of insecurities and you need to know them. But the main one is not feeling good enough, because  all people have convinced him he's not. That he's a disappointment, that he's stupid and embarrassing. You, Dan, have the responsibility of helping him change his mind."

"But-"

"You can't fix people. You don't fix people," he breathed out, looking out at the falling snow. "You help them until they learn to fix themselves."

And suddenly, through the snow-stained strands of hair in Dan's face, he spotted Phil.

So Dan thanked Roger, gave him a wad of cash, and began running. His feet kicked the snow beneath him as he sprinted towards his husband. And he screamed out his name, not even caring how bystanders looked at him, only focusing on Phil noticing him and the way his eyes widened.

"Dan?"

Their bodies collided, Dan's arms clutching Phil's waist tightly as they fell into the snow together. He hugged him tightly before pulling away just enough to see Phil's reddened face.

"I apologize deeply," Dan panted out. "Please do not be angry with me, I like your smile too much."

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, almost seeming like he was still angry, until slowly it morphed into a toothy grin and he began laughing.

"Come on," Phil chuckled, sitting up and ruffling snow through Dan's curls. "Let's go home."