Hold me tight tonight because I feel like everything isn't gonna be alright in this moonlight.
For some reason ever since you packed up your shit and left, I feel this incoherent desire for sleep. I sit in my bedroom throwing up purple paint because that's the only thing I stare at anymore. I swear I see stars on my ceiling every time I turn on my side and this sharp knife-like pain courses through my body and then I realize I crushed my lungs under the weight of my thoughts. You were in my thoughts. God, you existed in them, you grew inside and make yourself comfortable in the center of my chest so that every time my heart beat, I knew you were there. You were safe. You were there.
And when you went out of my body and slipped out past midnight and snuck into bed with me with the scent of vodka and fruit punch on your lips and damn it punched me hard. I really wanted to kiss those lips, but you were red, and I was blue, and too far away from you.
But now that you're gone is my biggest regret. Hell, I still love you. I don't think I can ever break that, but you were the most beautiful poison there was. You were slowly killing me. Can't you see that? Open up your damn eyes and stop thinking that you'd rather sleep than talk to me. You have no idea how to see the future if you don't sleep less. After I broke your heart in the most gentle of ways, it never crushed me into ruins so much. You can not like me, you can be angry, but I plead, please don't hate me.
I wake up everyday and my first thought becomes and even more vague imagination of you. Your voice becomes slowly fading, and your eyes become darker by the minute, and soon enough you're nothing but a deep dark cloud left in the midst of a storm.
Yes I'll admit I was a fool for you, but I didn't fool you when I said I was in love with you. I wish I never hurt you. I wish I could take back that single message that ended this. I wish I was still in love with you, but I can't. I don't even know how to.
I allow myself to feel like this a little longer. This dying feeling because I was told this is temporary. I can't even do a single thing without thinking of what we had, what we could have, what I wish we had.
I wish I never wished.
