Hidden Scars

Sometimes I Just Feel Worthless

Jude's POV: " So Jude normally when someone new starts we have that person tell us a little about themselves. If that's ok with you" said Ryan as he looked at me in a calm parenting way. Should I mention that I use to be in the foster system? That I'm gay.... Or that I tried to kill myself for being bullied... So I just went with my gut and told them the truth and nothing but the truth.

" Well to start off I use to be in the fosters system and moved from one home to another never knowing how long it would be until we were moved again. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I thought that I was alone and that no one else would understand what I'm been going through. Not knowing who I am? Having a friend kill himself for being gay...Losing the one person that I thought would always be there for me no matter what... and most of all being told that I was the reason that my father died and that I should just kill myself... But no I can't even do that correctly".

I couldn't take it any long so I did what I always do I ran. But I didn't get that far before I heard a voice behind me.

" Where are you going?" said Cameron as I turned around trying to stop myself from crying? " I can't do it! I don't need this! My life is perfectly fine! I don't need you or Sophia or anyone," I yelled knowing that none of it was true. " Yes you do Jude! You need us and we need you," said Cameron as he started walking towards me. " Why do you need me? Huh? How on Earth would someone like you need someone like me!! Huh? I'm just a stupid lame fucking faget!! Don't you see that!! I'm not important!! No one cares about me!! No one will ever care about me!! You wanna know what happened?? Huh?? He left me!!! My ex left me!!! He doesn't even care about me anymore!! So don't you ever try and tell me that you care about me because you don't!! No one cares about me and no one ever will," I yelled at him as I started crying even more before walking past him. " Where are you going" was the only thing Sophia said as she walked outside as I walked past her.

Yes you might be wondering where I going but I don't even know where I'm going. As I continued walking I learned that there's nowhere to go so I ended up walking back. As I got back I knew that I'd have some explaining to do. As I got back there I saw someone outside.

" I thought you left," said Noah as I walked up to him. As I sat down next to him he continued talking knowing that I wasn't in the talking mood. " You do know that he was only trying to help". " I know," I said looking down. " I didn't mean it, " I said still looking down. " You didn't mean what," he asked now looking at me? " I know I'm not worthless... it's just sometimes I feel like everyones life would be better if I wasn't here" I said as I looked up at him. "That's not true..." was all he could say before I heard a car horn go off and before he left me sitting there alone. " Need a ride home," he asked leaving me there to think. " It was nice meeting you Jude"... was the last thing he said before getting in the car.