Journal of a Madman

24th November 2016

Just another day I suppose, day started farily strange. Had an odd dream - or at least that's what I think it was, felt very real. Woke up from my sleep in the middle of the night and saw some fat black thing standing at the end of my bed. "Who are you?" I remember asking it. "I am Number 8" it said before my dream ended. I remember I woke up a few times after that and how paranoid I was of that thing standing at the end of my bed, thankfully I just went back to sleep. I'm surprised I got a whole nights worth of sleep considering I might have insomnia - It really wouldn't surprise me, the shit I deal with on a day to day basis is killing me; wish it would do it's job quicker at this rate.

Woke up at 6:40 to eat; no bread or food as always. I don't know why the family never leaves any damn bread for me - if they do the bread is stale and off. Ok cool leave me stale bread, it's ok if there's mold on it because it's the best damn thing - (the only thing) I am able to have in the morning. I decided to kick them in the ass and cook myself some chicken - something they would have for dinner, that's what happens when you don't leave me bread in the morning; I'll take your damn dinner away, see how you like it. Got an early text from my dad. "Unplug everything from your computer before you leave." Oh fun I thaught to myself, most likely to invade on my privacy as usual - that might just be the paranoia telling me otherwise.

Waiting for the bus was nice, the morning was calm, cold and peaceful. I was hoping that there was nobody around to catch the bus, that way I wouldn't have some little bitch of a kid trying to push on the bus to grab a seat. That idea was ruined when I saw one of the idiots approach the bus stop - it would be nice to have a day without dealing with that. I was nearly late for college today because some pleb didn't have enough money for a damn ticket; I rather not be late for my english classes. This is currently my 4th year in college and I take the same bus every day - and over the years it's become more and more painful to take the journey. Managed to snag a seat thanks to the boy who didn't have enough money - next to someone reading a book. "Nice, you read your book but for christ sake move your arms inward" I thaught to myself sitting next to him, my spine ached because of the position i had to sit at - very very uncomfitable indeed. Finally when there was a free space I jumped to that seat, relaxing that I finally was able to sit normally.

Walking to college I realised how cold it was and there I was walking in two layers of shirts - my red open over shirt and my black under shirt. I couldn't help but look at the girls walking to school thinking to myself "How the hell do they manage the cold, they all look fine." It also didn't help that it was windy, I can stand it being cold, ok, that's cool and all but when it's windy I can't stand it - all I had to keep me warm were my fingerless gloves.

Time for english class, the only reason I enjoy Thursdays. We had to design a mood board based around a character in Shawshank Redemption - a pretty good film. My character was Jake the crow - would of been too easy to pick a character like Red or Andy. I sat around a table with some people in my graphics design class and I was glad I sat with them - I don't talk to people much in class but in english I felt a connection with them - I might of made some new friends.

Lunch time came early - got a burger and chips, some of the only crap i'll eat. It was time where all the disabled people come eat - most likely so they don't get picked on when the rest of the college comes to eat. Watching them really made me appreciate myself and how I am. Sure I have a mental "disability" but I think to myself if I were more...special, let's say, even just a little I could end up sitting with them and acting like them and having someone have to check to see if I am fine on my own. Makes me think about the thin line I stand on, I remember when I was a stupid kid in school and all the stupid shit I did and how the teachers used to patronise me for having a mental "disability" and how much I didn't like it because I'm nowhere close to being like them; that's what I think anyway.