Journal of a Madman

December 4th 2016

December already, christ where have the times gone. Towns are starting to put up the decorations and to be honest it's pretty nice to see them up - makes me think of the christmas times way back when things weren't shit.

This week started out fairly well, positive vibes throughout the week, the weather was beautiful from monday to friday - each morning gave me the lovely view of a morning sunrise, and going home gave me the colours of a sunset. Not much has hapapned this week I suppose, not much to really talk about.

I've overcome a long writers block - I've been busy writing one of my stotries out (Fantasy Island Age of Revision) and so far i'm met with 15 pages in the first story arc. That's not much but when you consider that the first and only story i've finished is 30 pages with 3 story arcs. What's funny is that Age of Revision has 3 arcs. I'll be happy when i'm finished Age of Revision because it would mean I can focus on rewriting other stories to make them better and more detailed. It's because i've been writing Age of Revision that i've been procrastinating everything else - much like my journal. I hope to visit London soon for some inspiration but I know it wont happen - so for now Google Images is my best friend.

One thing about this week that I have hated is dinner - and how late it has become now. Few weeks ago we used to have dinner at around 6 in the afternoon but not we're having it at around 8. Sure it's a 2 hour difference but it means a lot when there's not much food in the house and you're hungry all the time. Not to mention the lack of bread in the morning - I'm going to college hungry and unable to focus on my work because of it. Very disgusting. What irritates me more is that there's more than enough food in the fridge to feed the family but all of it goes towards my step mum and dad - the greedy cunts. Dad always has a massive dinner - most times consisting of bacon, eggs, beans, chicken, sausages and some bread. All that is for one day, one moment in a day that could of gone towards feeding me, my brother or even the little kids. But instead of doing that the greedy bastards decide to all the food in the fridge at once and complain when I eat their food - oh sorry you didn't get your 5 star dinner, but i'm hungry too, very hungry infact.

This has been going on for a good 2 weeks now I would say where they have some amazing dinner full of different foods and what not and me and my brother end up having frozen slop - what makes it worse is my brother wont shut up about it. I understand he shares my view but to say it over and over again each day gets very, very boring and dull. He complains about food but he doesn't realise he gets £250 every 2 weeks and doesn't spend a penny on foods that he could cook for himself for dinner but instead spend it on shit you get in games - cosmetics. Sometimes he buys a pizza but necer shares any of it leaving me to deal with a late dinner myself as I go hungry. Half the time my parents don't even cook dinner for me and my brother anymore - they leave it in the fridge and expect us to cook it for ourselves. I Would be fine with this if they told us there was food in the fridge to have instead of running upstairs and going to sleep at 8. Fucking degenerates they are, really can't wait to move out so I never have to deal with those selfish pricks ever again. One thing that really pisses me off is that I've told my brother about my moving out plan. "Oh, maybe I can live with you to." Yea, no. I've been dealing with my family's crap for 19 years now and i'm tired of it. Having my own room isn't private anymore since at any time of the day my brother just waltzes in without knocking or asking. I could be talking to someone about something private and he'll just walk on in and expect me to talk to him. When I move out I hope to never have contact with my parents again, want nothing to do with them. I remember telling a friend about this and they just told me something I never really considered before. "Do you think it's neglect?" Jesus, that cuts deep. Neglect is such a strong word to use but it feels like the perect word to use. Perhaps I could say that it is neglect and it would hep my case of moving out sooner rather than later.

It's also cold, almost as if you were standing in the cold on the outside but in my room. It's been like this for a while but during the winter it's becoming an issue, I can see my own breath it's that cold in my room - and all I have is a summer cover given to me by my dad. Does he really think I can stay warm in a thin ass peice of cloth? I always make fun of parental issues because of how generic it has become over the years but now that I realise it what It can do I can't help but feel in denial about my situation.