no strings attached || ryden

Not Gay

"i'm not gay. i'm not gay."

the small chant i had created repeated itself in my head even as i was making out with a random guy i met at the bar.

"i'm not gay." continued to ring through my head.

the boy had incredible brown eyes. i normally hated brown eyes, even my own, but they suited him.

his brown hair was messy and all over the place, i couldn't remember if it had been like that previously or if it was just from my hands gripping on it.

he pulled away slightly and looked into my eyes. normally when i'm making out with a guy i can pretend it's a girl and make myself believe what i'm doing isn't wrong, but now that we were looking at each other there was no pretending and fear rushed over me.

"i'm not gay"

"do you want to go to my place?" the man said only loud enough for me to hear.

i knew i shouldn't and in the morning i would regret it, but i couldn't help myself. "sure, let's go." we left the crowded bar and began the walk to his place.

"i'm Ryan by the way, just so you know what name to scream." he smirked and winked at me. i could feel my skin turning red as i tried to breathe again. "i'm Brendon."

we made small talk while we walked. His name was Ryan Ross, he was 23, one year older then i was. he was in college as an art and music major. he wrote songs and could play guitar. he was also very gay.

i told him my name was Brendon Urie, i was 22. i was in college as a history major. i liked to sing and i could play too many instruments to list off. i didn't tell him i wasn't gay, deep down i knew i was and saying it would be a lie.

we found out we both grew up in Vegas and attended College of Southern Nevada.

we walked into his place, i didn't have enough time to look around because the second the door closed his lips were on mine.

i wrapped my hands around his neck, his hands ran up and down my sides. he quickly led me to what assumed was his bed. his hand cupped my crotch and i breathily moaned out, "r-ryan." his hands moved to the buttons of my shirt, carefully undoing each one.

he pulled his own off as i began fiddling with the button of his pants. my shaky hands made it nearly impossible to do. i got it and he pulled off his pants along with his boxers and threw them into a pile on the floor. he slowly pulled down my jeans and my boxer briefs and threw them with the other discarded clothes.

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i woke up the next morning naked next to a sleeping ryan. panic settled into me, this was not okay. if my parents knew i was like this they would disown me, as far as they were concerned i was single and looking for the right girl.

i looked over at the sleeping ryan, god he was so beautiful. ryan began to stir and opened his to see me starring at him, "good morning Brendon." he pulled himself out of bed and i couldn't help but take in the beauty that was standing in front of me. "give me your phone."

i snapped out of my trance, "w-what? wh-why?" he rolled his eyes, "so i can give you my number." i nodded and handed him my phone, i watched as he put his number into my contacts and text himself so he could have my number. "i'm taking a shower, you can show yourself out."

he walked in the bathroom and i was left alone to gather my things and get dressed. i left with his number in my phone and no intentions of ever calling him.