LIFE AS IT IS

Chapter 4

As a child, she witnessed her parents in marital disputes. She saw her father hit her mother several times. While her mother would raise her voice using words of anger and blame. She wanted to leave but her children had chained down her wings. And most importantly because she knew it would bring down her parent's repute in the society. They won't accept her if she gets a divorce because she won't get another appropriate husband and will remain a burden on her parents' chest for the rest of their lives.

Only after six months of their marriage, Luke confessed that he had been having an adulterous affair for about a year. Although Ashley and Luke continued living under one roof, their hearts were not united. Her husband wanted her to stop bringing up his affair because he has 'repented.' What about her? He acted like nothing ever happened, but she walked with anger. She cried out to God every day, but the hurt was still fresh.

Ashley had strongly under estimated the societal pressures over a woman, when she tried to file a divorce. She lived in a society where a male child was treated as 'wealth', where a girl who not only stands to inherit any ancestral property, but was also incapable of becoming a working woman and securing a job if there are marital problems. From her birth, the shadow of female infanticide loomed large and throughout her growing years, she was never more than an expense, which made the girl always feel inferior and a victim of child abuse. However, the bias once sowed, rippled through the family, subsequent generations and society. The repercussions were severe, making women vulnerable to emotional abuse in marital problems.

The scene was forever etched in her mind. The day she was successfully granted a divorce from court and Luke found guilty as charged, for marital rape, she had lost her parents who didn't approve it, siblings who would blame her for all the troubles her divorce caused in their lives and friends who didn't know how to react.

Young, wounded, and unsaved, she floundered herself quite not knowing what to do at the age of twenty two. To her father's credit, he helped her financially and Ashley drove off to Latin America.

It's not easy to honour someone who has hurt you so deeply. The natural tendency is to repay evil for evil and seek retribution. But there came a time in her religious walk when she knew she had to forgive her dad. For her this process wasn't easy. Something must have sunk in, because her father called her one day saying, "Come home. I need my daughter back." He was truly sorry for the past.

When it comes to an unforgiving, bitter heart, holding on to past hurts is like clinging to a dirty diaper. Refusing to forgive someone who hurt you is just like taking a soiled diaper and, instead of dumping it, tucking it away in your breast pocket and carrying it with you everywhere you go. That's exactly what we do when we won't forgive those who have hurt us, whether accidentally or intentionally. We take all that hurt and all that dirt and filth and bring it into our hearts, and we say, "I'm hanging on to this." The irony, of course, is we imagine that by holding on to the dirty diaper, we will somehow hurt the person who has hurt us. How foolish.

Clay sat next to her and put his arm on the back of her chair, leaning close. He slid his hand over her cheek, one finger anchored behind her ear. She didn't stare back. She refused to stare back - she stared back.

"Go back to sleep," he said. "I'll fight these nightmares off if they ever come to get you again."

Tears ran down her cheeks, hot at first and then cold. "We all have a war inside us. You don't have to fight it alone."

Clay tilted his head down and kissed her, sending a warm vibe down her body. She wrapped her hands around his arm, holding him there she sobbed herself to sleep.