What Am I To Them? (Based On My True Story)

prologue - Life is Cruel

Rosy clouds floated above my window as I gaze into the sky, thinking and reflecting. Why was I so hated, or was I even hated? Was it because of my looks? My attitude towards others? Why was life so cruel?

I am here in my room looking out my window, with so much questions covering my head. I reflect about my life, the pain and sufferings I lived throughout. Oh how hard it is to continue through this hard journey I am living, why does this have to happen, especially to me? What wrong have I done? All my life I have been thinking that I was a mistake, my life was a mistake itself, my life is a waste, I have been thinking of why should I still continue to live when no one cares, does someone even care about me? Even just a bit. I don't know, for I have never felt that I was cared, I never felt the true meaning of love.

I was never loved, even by my own family and friends, wait I don't even have friends, I never had friends, but one, Jean. A true friend I may suppose. She is kind, sharing, and has a sense of humor. She may be my friend but I admit, I am jealous of her. Not because of her popularity, or her money, simply because she is loved. She has a family who cares about her, a family who loves her, and would be worried when she is hurt or sick. While I in the other hand is rather the very opposite. Yes I may have a family, but they don't show me the true meaning of love, of how it feels like someone caring for you. They can be loving and caring sometimes, but mostly cold hearted towards me.

I have a younger brother and sister, but I am just like a maiden to them. I have an older brother, but I am treated badly by him. I have a father and mother, but, I don't know anymore. My life has been like this over the past 12 years. They may sometimes show care towards me, but I feel nothing. I don't feel their love anymore, I don't feel their care anymore. I feel empty. Their is a missing piece in my heart, all I ask is, all I wish is that, I want to be loved. I want to know the true meaning of love.

I then sigh heavily, today is just another day for tomorrow to come. "Mary! Come down their its time to eat!" I hear my mother shout from the kitchen. I tiredly stood up and walk down stairs, my brothers and sister were already there, eating. As I come near the table all eyes were on me, they were staring cautiously at me. It felt really weird and terrifying I might add. I take a seat somewhere far from them, and started to get the rice but my older brother disturbs me "Wash your hands first!" He shouts still eating onto the food.

I warily stood back up and went to the sink to wash my hand, and immediately went back. We all ate in silence, I ate my food hurriedly not wanting to interfere with whatever they have to do afterwards. Once I was finished I stood up and placed my plate to the sink and was about to go back up into my room "Mary, you wash the dishes alright, I don't want to do them for you again!" My mom shouts in the bathroom. I sigh once more and started washing. Oh how life is so unfair and cruel. I washed the dishes earlier this morning and supposedly its my brothers turn to wash them, but no, its me again! Its always me who does the chores, its always me who takes the blames! Its always me.... Why can't be the others, am I just really nothing to them?

Once I finished I go back upstairs into my room in a much slower pace, as my mind wanders. I close the door behind me and slump into my bed. I start to wonder, about the things that had happened to me before, my pain, my past. Slowly I close my eyes and drift of to sleep.

••••••

"Go out of my room now!" I shout out loudly to my sister, "what if I don't want to!" She shouts back. My head was pounding with madness, as I grit my teeth. "Why do you want to stay anyways?!" I ask her but gentler this time. She stays silent. "Ok then I'll ask another question, what am I to you?" She stays silent again, "your my sister!" My younger brother says interrupting. "I'm not asking you Mark, I'll says this again. What. Am. I. Too. You!!!"  Once again she stays silent. I waited, and waited, and waited. I was losing my patience, "see you wont even answer my question, am I just really nothing to you, am I your maid who does everything you say, huh, ANSWER ME!" At this point I was already crying, she stays silent playing and fiddling with her finger. "GET OUT!!" And with that she goes out with a huff while I was there sitting in the corner crying my pain out.

••••••

My eyes shot open as I recalled my past memories, the pain was back. I look out my window, it was dark and has started to rain. I let out a shaky sigh as I stood up from my now disarranged bed. I have to fix that later. I grabbed my phone and headphones as I played a music, while drawing. Yes I draw, only when I have nothing to do or when I'm bored. But no matter how loud my music was all I hear was the silence of my sister, no matter what I was looking at all I see is my sisters disgusted face whenever she sees me.

"Why does life have to be so cruel?"