Christmas present placed on paper, square, easy. The wrapping paper has a grid, this is intended to make gift wrapping less of an arduous task. I fold the side of the brown wrapping paper over the neat and easy to wrap square box. A piece of sellotape holds the two sides perfectly, neat and straight.
I turn the present 45 degrees. I already know there is too much paper at each end. I know also that the present will not wrap properly but still, I start to gather it all, completely in denial that it can look anything but ridiculous I try to fold the paper up and over in a neat triangle.
The paper crumples and bulges out in all areas. My husband has been watching. I know that he knows that I know I have too much paper at each end, but still.
'Too much overhang.' He says. 'You need to lose all that overhang.'
'No present can wrap up nicely with all that overhang, no matter how nice the gift inside. It will look ridiculous if you don't get rid of the overhang.'
He walks past and as he does, he takes hold of my belly. Specifically the part of my belly that hangs over the top of my legs and I know we are no longer talking about Christmas presents.
I take the scissors and carefully trim away the excess paper. Meticulous and slow, I remove every last bit. And the present, it cannot be denied, looks perfect when wrapped up, nice and neat and flat.
