Winter Toes II: Love Vs Lust

WT2| 16

Taylor

I was feeling down and I didn't know why. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he's exactly the person I thought he was. It was the same as Wyn. Before the two, it seemed almost retarded to think I would even be attracted to either one of them. Now, I've been shot by an arrow on both's behalf. That was over though. Roman and Wyn both showed me the reason I steered away from "love" in the first place; because it brought nothing put pain anyway. I remember before even moving to Florida, I was at peace with myself and those around me. Now I'm getting betrayed by people I've never even built real bonds with. Coming to Carolina with intentions of starting over, both with love and life, I never would've thought I'd be getting my heart broken again.

But here we were and I was sick of it.

I didn't want to be a bad girl like Cyn or Glynn, maybe even Terri. I didn't want to hop from man to man just to fill a void in my heart. I honestly didn't even want to fill that void. The void itself reminds me of why I don't need it.

All I needed was myself and Rei.

All I need is myself and Rei, I wrote it in my new journal as an ending statement for my two page essay on how much I hated niggas and all that. I closed it and put it in the bottom drawer before standing up and going to the next room, Rei's. She was getting so big.

It was Monday which meant she had school and I had to take her. It was about time I got back on my P's and Q's, finding a job and continuing to live my life. I picked her big self up and gave her a big hug. She woke up groaning and pushing away from my kisses.

"Maaa..." she giggled as I put her down.

"It's time to get up for school." I told her with a smile. She nodded then did a big stretch and yarn. "Let's go wash up."

After we got done getting ready, I made her pancakes, bacon, and eggs. We ate for the first time in a long time together before heading out. I took Lyah's car because she had gas and headed off to her school. Before pulling off I noticed a black cat sitting in front of the house. I thought nothing of it because I didn't recognize the car.

I pulled up to the school, unlocking the door and coming around to let her out. She smiled at me and gave me a big hug around my legs before darting off. I turned to watch her run straight up to her teacher who gave me a wave. I waved back before closing the car door and getting in the car myself. I sat there for a while. We have been through so much but I promise I won't let you go through it again.

I drove far away, not out of city far, just to get out and explore the place I had been calling home for a month or two now.

The heat was mild, not too hot but the breeze made it better, so I had picked a dress and some sandals for today. The dress was kind of tight fitting but I didn't have too much to show off so I wasn't too worried about it. I got out of the car and walked through the park I ended up at. It reminded me of when I was a child and carefree. I didn't have to worry about bills, money, or men. It made me laugh that at that time I barely even knew what those things were but now it just seemed essential. They all brought so many problems; if you didn't have it you were forced to worry, but if you did you are forced to be sought after. In other words, having those three things and not having them are all fucked up situations regardless.

It seems I've been hurt with or without all of those. Failing to understand what I've done wrong to be punished by fate and hurt by people I loved; family and friends.

It made me wonder what life would be like if I had convinced my best friend not to go to that house and shoot the love of his life. How different would my life be?