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Chapter 11 - Hannah

I listened to the words of the pastor as he attempted to comfort the grieving audience. My mother’s coffin lay just above the dark hole in the earth. Numerous friends and relatives had come into town for the funeral. Through the pain in my heart I was glad my mom had so many people in her life that cared about her. One of my aunts was giving a speech about how full of life my mother was but I could barely hear her over my own thoughts. Niall sat next to me with his hand in mine.  I couldn’t help but comment on how good he looked in all black.

 My heart ached. My mother’s presence could no longer be felt. I missed her. I would always miss her and even though I had Niall, Dee and Jeanine it would never be the same. Faint sobs could be heard all around me as the pastor instructed for my mom to be lowered into the ground. He said one last prayer and heavy tears filled my eyes. A cool breeze blew through my hair. I shivered before Niall put him arm around me.

One by one our relatives took one last look at my mother now consumed by the hole in the ground. As the area began to clear I felt myself less able to move. Frozen to the spot I would see my mom for the last time.

“Babe?” Niall soft voice shook me out of my thoughts. My eyes met his before he wiped away a tear from my cheek. I gave him a weak smile but I knew he could see right through it. His strong arm pulled me into an embrace.

“I’m so sorry, Hannah” He whispered. I had heard that so many times today it didn’t seem to have meaning anymore. Dee stood just a few feet away chatting with a distant aunt of ours. I closed my eyes, willing myself to wake from what had to be a dream. The pain in my chest confirmed it wasn’t.

Time seemed to pass slower than normal as we drove from the cemetery to my apartment. Niall parked and switched off the engine. We sat in the silence until his warm hand found mine.

“Hannah I—“ He started

“Don’t…just don’t” The passenger door was ripped open before I tore out of the car. My feet carried me down the sidewalk away for Niall’s car. I heard the driver’s door open and shut as he called after me. My pace quickened running as fast as my legs would allow. The dark sky opened up above me as I ran. Small raindrops turned into large drenching ones in seconds. I got a good 2 blocks away when a strong arm wrapped around my waist spinning me around to face crystal blues; his shaggy wet locks stuck to his forehead. His fingers attempted to brush my own soggy hair from my cheek. I couldn’t stop myself as my emotions took over. My hand rose and struck him across the face.

“It’s your fault!” I met his gaze, his eyes widening at my accusation “I spent time with you more than my own sick mother and now she’s dead!” my head fell into my hands. Niall tried once more to make contact, his hand now reached for my chin. He caught my face before I could pull away.

“Hannah maybe she stopped being treated because she saw you were finally happy and she didn’t have to worry that you wouldn’t be taken care of” He had to raise is voice over the loud rain smacking against the pavement

I blinked at the realization. Niall had a point, I was happier with him and my mom could see that. I didn’t think it was a coincidence she stopped her treatment when I began spending more time with him. My arms were instantly thrown around his waist, squeezing the water from his clothes. His hand wound around the back of my neck, holding me close. I could hear his heartbeat beneath the damp fabric of his button down.

Inside my apartment Niall and I had peeled ourselves from the wet clothes that now tumbled in the dryer. We sat on the sofa under a blanket; his finger calmly stroked my hair. I jumped at a thunderclap while lightning glowed through the curtains of my living room window. Niall’s grip tightened protectively around me. He decided to drown out the storm with the television. When he settled on a channel I picked head up from his shoulder. His eyes held a questioning look.

“You said ‘I love you’”

 “Huh?” His eyebrows furrowed further in confusion.

“The other day at the hospital you said 'l love you"' I reminded. His expressions turned unreadable, hand tensing in mine. My heart nearly stopped at the thought of him regretting his words. Small eyes widened pressing him to continue.

 “Um, Yeah I did…because I do” The breath I was apparently holding quietly released. A smile snuck onto my face. I could tell my expression calmed him because he relaxed. My emotion spilled over the brim of my eye.

 “I love you too” I settled back down next to him and drifted into unconsciousness, his loving words repeated in my mind.