Alive

Finding My Place

Adela slept trough the night on the sidewalk. If I was alive I would have woken her already, so then a random person won't just walk up and wake her. I mean if you fell aslee[ in a random city, o the side walk, would you want to wake up to some crazy oersn poking and prodding you. I mean how would that feel? My instint would be to scream loudly. You would most likely assume my instincts would be to beat them up, in spite of my dad. But Adela and I have always done the opposite because of our dad. We told ourselves never to use violence unless that person is using violence against you. Except we never tried to fight our dad. Anyways, I turned to stare at Adela's fluttering eyelashes just as I had when she was falling alseep. I saw a tear plopping onto her little rosy cheek. Yet she wasn't awake. I then noticed she wasn't the one crying at all, I was crying. But ehy? Why was I crying? I mean I was already murdered, and my little sister escaped from the demon of our lives. At this moment I should be celebrating. Maybe I am crying right now because I am scared of something else. What if she needs my help? She needs to know where to go and who to trust. I have underestimated her that is sure. I mean after what I saw yesterday maybe I have nothing to worry about. But on the other hand she is very emotional. What if she isn't guarded enough and lets the wrong person in? Oh God I am just a big wreck. I mean she is still so young and inoccent right? Well not inoccent really, cause ya know she is 12 years old. But still who knows what type of creeps are out there? Just staring at her waiting to take advantage of her? I'm being paranoid. Come on Lyra nothing is going to happen to her. Well Adela is still sleeping soundlessly for the first time since she was a baby. I kept reassuring myself that everything would be ok when I heard a crunch, a bone splinting crunch and turned my head to see Adela had woken up and was cracking every single bone in her body, as if she were breaking them one by one. 

   "Goodmorning horrible city. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. The fact that my dad hasn't showed any signs of trying to find me is great. I have completed step one of my plan. But haha, I never thought out any steps after that. I guess I really did, almost hope he would actually deep down care about me and try to find me and appologize. I was hoping for something which would only occur in the walls of heaven. Yet I thought he could have changed if he lost everyone he could have maybe deep down loved at one time or another. I guess I had too much hope, and felt sorry for him. But whatever back to this luicrous city. What the fuck am  I  doing here? Like umm haha why did I stay here? This place might as well have a flag which states, "This is a flugly city. Don't stay here! Beware of the fumes. They kill things." Oh how I make myself laugh. These jokes are just making me more lonely. I need someone, something to be here next to me. I need *tear* Lyra. I need *full on sobbing* my mother... What if I were to find her! Maybe that's the paradise I have been hoping for! Maybe if I find her I can end my search. Being with my mother is where I can become Alive! This is what Lyra was always trying to explain to me before she, before she, died. She meant to find our mother and create a life worth living with her! I can't believe I never thought of this before, "Adela shouted out, jumping up in an overexcitingly manner!

   OMG! How does one wake up and think of something that profound! That is never what I wanted her to do! That isn't the answer at all. That is possible the worst thing she could do. Well technically if she went back to our father and was in his grasp again, that would be the worst of all. Ugh anyway where fif she even come up with that assumtion. I never hinted at that ever. I mean we both agreed that we despised our mother and never wanted to see her again. Why in the world would she intentionally try to find her and risk getting hurt all over again. Our mother could have ran away and brought Adela and I with her. But no she left both of us with that beast, which means she wasn't only running away from him but from us too. She wanted to get away, and pretend none of it ever happened. She wished our father, Adela, and I just disappeared! I rendered myself speechless in result of what Adela decided. Doesn't she understand that trying to find our mother is an impossible feat. I mean where is she going to start She knows nothing about our mother. She only knows her name, Emilia Davis. Yet that isn't her maiden name which she could have used to dissconnect herself from our father, Jarred Davis. She never talked to us much. We had a silent understanding. She cared about us but thought it would be better not to talk about the problem, the disaster which struck our lives. What I remember about her is she had Adela's bright green eyes, and tanned face, and my auburn hair. She was a picture perfect woman. I used to pretend she was a model when she snuck into our room to tuck us into bed. I always thought she was the hero and one day would kill the bad guy and save Adela, and I. Also I guess I can understand how Adela can see having a future with our mother, especiallt when she had nothing else to hope for. But I just don't see it as clearly. I dream of building a new life across the country, with new friend. That is what I want. Wanted. I hoped Adela had a thought along those lines somewhere also. I don't know...

   While I had been intently thinking and rethinking Adela had moved on. I saw how she walked up and down the strett simply staring out at the stores lining the sidewalk. She ran her finger tips over each window, and would pause to glance inside. When she approached a convienent store she glanced around her, and walked right inside. There were rows and rows of food of all kinds, apples, pies, candy, bread, it was endless. If you went a little farther down there was medicine, plates, tissue paper, pencils, ntoebooks, and well you get the idea. Adela felt like she hadn't eating in weeks and stood wild eyed, drooling at all of the food that her eyes beholded at that moment. She ran down every single row, and came out with handfulls. She was carrying two green apples, two turkey sandwiches, five bottles of water, and three protein bars, peanut butter chocolate flavor. She payed for everything with money mom kept hidden for us when we were little. 

   With the option to eat she tookd refuge of a nearby bench over looking a quaint park full of screaming five year olds. She took the first turkey sandwich but only ate half cause she knew she would need to ration everything out equally. Adela had also remembered the caution to avoid a side ache when she began running again. Once she devoured the first hald of one sandwich, and one half of a water bottle she packed everything up and started running. 

   Adela ran past the factories, past th shops, past the rows and rows of houses, and away from our childhood prison, away from our father. I watched as she used her will to survive to put each foot in front of the other. To keep moving. She ran for hours and hours. Just staringat the impact of each step on her tiny body I lost count of how long she'd been at it. She ended up crossing hills, roads, and now she was in a small town with a local church and plenty of family businesses. A small closekint town where everyone knows everyone. Once she ran pasta gazebo in this town, she turned around and sad down, smack in the middle of it. Here she sat, staring out into the open, singing. 

"A Daydream Away" - All Time Low

   "I wish you could see your face right now. 'Cause you grinning like a fool. And we're sitting on your kitchen floor. On a Tuesday afternoon. It doesn't matter when we get back to doing what we do. 'Cause right now could last forever. Just as long as I'm with you. 

   You're just a daydream away. I wouldn't know what to say if I had you. And I'll keep you a daydream away. Just watch from a safe place. So I never had to lose. 

   We would go out on the weekend. To escape our busy lives. And we'd laugh at all the douche-bag guys. Chasing down their desperate wives. I would drink a little too much. You'd offer me a ride. And I would offer you a t-shirt. And you would stay another night.

   But you're just a daydream away. I wouldn't know what to say if I had you. And I'll keep you a daydream away. Just watch from a safe place. So I never have to lose. 

   We never stood a chance out there. Shooting love in real-time. So we'll take it over ice tonight. With a little salt. And a little lime.

   Your're just a daydream away. I wouldn't know what to say if I had you. I wouldn't know what to say if I had you. And I'll keep you a daydream away. Just watch from a safe place. So I never have to lose. 

   You're just a daydream away. I wouldn't know what to say if I had you. "

   After singing for awhile she drank the other half of the first water bottle. Then she starting falling sleep. The last thing she saw was a shadow of a person staring into her eyes. Then she fell fast asleep with the thoughts of trying to figure out who it was she saw.