High And Dry

Rabbit In Your Headlights

“One second he was fine, laughing, and playing with the other kids and now he’s curled up in a ball away from everyone else and he’s shaking like he’s crying, only he’s not. I tried to talk to him, but he won’t listen. He started hyperventilating and sweating. He’s burning up. I’m really worried Ian what do I do?”

“David, calm down.” Ian started running to where the playground was, “He’s having a panic attack.”

“Calm down? Your son is having a panic attack and you’re telling me to calm down?” Ian could tell that David was worked up.

“David, calm down. You’ll only stress him out more. Anthony likes you, and if he sees that he’s worrying you, it will just make it worse.”

Ian heard David take a deep breath, “Oh my god Ian what did I do? What do I do now?”

“I’m almost there. I’m hanging up now.”

“Ian wait! I don’t know what-”

He hung up and finally found them.

“Anthony!” He yelled, coming over and hugging him, “It’s okay, buddy. Daddy’s here. I know. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I’m sorry. I’m here now.”

Anthony carefully wrapped his arms around Ian’s neck, but he was still trembling.

“Take deep breaths, buddy.” Ian put his hand on Anthony’s chest to measure his breathing.

“Can you count backwards from twenty?”

Anthony did so, and his breathing seemed to calm down a bit.

“Can you spell your full name?”

Anthony did what Ian asked as he continued to ask regular questions.

Ian grabbed Anthony’s arms and held them up high in the air for a bit before he took a water bottle and gave his son a few sips.

“Want to sing a song?” Ian asked, extremely worried. He sang him the only song that had ever made him cry during Anthony’s first few panic attacks because it was the song that Ian used to sing Anthony to sleep with. So far, it had always worked. Anthony always calmed down. However, it didn’t work if Anthony wasn’t already slightly calm, so he saved it for last.

Anthony nodded slightly, water dripping down his chin and hands.

“Her green plastic watering can, for her fake Chinese rubber plant, in the fake plastic earth….”

Anthony began to mouth the words along with him, not fully singing, “That she bought from a rubber man, in a town full of rubber plans, to get rid of itself….”

“It wears her out, it wears her out, it wears her out, it wears her out….” Anthony began singing along out loud now, clinging tightly to his father.

Ian continued singing with Anthony until he had calmed down completely.

Picking him up, Ian carried his son around for the next hour until Anthony seemed to have forgotten about the incident completely and was all smiles and giggles.

“What happened?” David asked while Anthony played with the statues of gorillas within Ian’s sight.

“Anthony had a panic attack. The doctor said he would be prone to them. He had one on the first day of school. I asked his doctor, and he said that it was a type of agoraphobic panic attack from being separated from someone who makes him feel safe. I didn’t think he’d have them after he went to school a year later and was fine without me. He hasn’t had one in a year, I thought he’d be okay.”

“Is that why you always bring him to work?”

Ian nodded.

“What was that you sang to him?”

“Oh, it was nothing. Just the first song I could think of that he knew.” He lied.

David nodded, “Good choice.”

He shrugged, “Thanks.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

Ian nodded, “He’s usually like this. He has one, he’s quiet for a while, and then something little, in this case, gorillas, distract him and he’s himself again.”

“I was terrified. I thought I did something wrong.”

“What did you do?”

“I just sat on the bench and told him that you’d be back soon and that if he wanted me to play with him, I would, but he told me that I should rest and watch his monkey.”

“You didn’t provoke it.” Ian shook his head, “He and I did some research on it and we did exercises to prevent it every night, but we’ve stopped since school started in the fall because he didn’t have any.”

David nodded, “He looked like he’d seen a ghost or was staring down the headlights of a car, and then he just collapsed in the corner and shut everyone out. I was so worried for him.”

Ian sighed, “Well, I’m glad you expressed concern.”

“The other parents tried to pull their kids away from him, telling them not to play with him anymore. I was so mad. He’s just a kid!”

“They were trying to do the right thing.” He looked over at him, “They wanted him to be left alone so that he could calm down, but really they were just making him more nervous.”

“Daddy I’m hungry.” Anthony ran over and laid across Ian’s lap, “I might die if I don’t eat.”

“No, buddy, you’ll be fine. We’ll go get dinner now, okay?”

Anthony jumped up, “Pizza?”

“We had that last night.” Ian frowned.

He nodded, “Okay. What about burgers? Hot dogs? Pretzels?”

Anthony continued naming foods until they reached a restaurant.

“Are you sure that we should stay the night after that?”

Ian frowned, “I’ll see what Anthony thinks. He knows himself best. If he wants to, then we will.”

“I guess we’re staying then.” David grinned.