kingdom ; minishaw

twelve.

"i'm looking for simon?"

jide furrowed his eyebrows, looking the boy stood in the door way up and down. he was slightly shorter than him, with short copper hair and a wide smile on his face to match the rosiness of his cheeks.

"and you are?" jide questioned, raising an eyebrow because he really couldn't picture simon having very many friends.

"i'm ethan." the boy laughed, throwing his head back and jide couldn't help laughing with him.

"jide! who are you talking-"

"speak of the devil." jide yelled, "your friend is here to see you, si."

simon just nodded, looking at his feet rather than at ethan. he didn't know what to do at this point, the guilty feeling inside him increased when he remembered the way he shouted at ethan and stormed off.

"five minutes and back to work, simon." jide nodded and then left them to talk.

ethan cleared his throat, smiling at simon sheepishly.

"hey."

"hi."

"you okay?"

"yes."

"..."

"i'm sorry, simon i really am." ethan said, his expression becoming more solemn, he took a step forward.

"you shouldn't have said those things about harry." simon mumbled, folding his arms and hugging himself.

"what's the deal with you two?" ethan asked.

"i don't know what you're talking about." simon said evenly.

however, he couldn't help the heat on his cheeks as he was hit in the chest with the implication of the question.

"you're different with him, almost another person..." ethan trailed off, a crease forming in between his eyebrows.

"god, simon," ethan groaned, "why'd you have to go and fall in love?"

"no!" simon cut in quickly, but the change in his eyes said otherwise and if love was an arsonist it would explain the burning in his heart.

"i don't- we aren't, it's not like that!" his words tripped over themselves as he attempted to explain himself.

"whatever you say." ethan laughed.

a weird silence hung in the air for what seemed like centuries. simon felt sick with worry, he was worried because he was scared of what ethan was saying and even more terrified at the feeling it gave him.

"gotta get back to work." simon said just as ethan drew in a breath to speak.

"oh, alright." he cleared his throat, "see you around?"

"mhm." simon nodded his head and then ran in the other direction.

the wind whipped past his face, harsh clawing at his face and his hair fell into his eyes but his vision was already blurry with tears as he ran towards the opening in the forest behind the castle.

twigs and branches raked at him as he plummeted past them, gasping and crying.

finally, he collapsed on his knees and then sunk to the ground, his body heaving as he tried to breathe but his heart was pounding and he couldn't breathe and the trees were suddenly getting closer, hemming him in on all sides.

and- like he had done so when he was younger- he grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled at it, his knees drawn up under his chin as he rocked himself back and forth, quietly sobbing.

he shouldn't feel this way about harry- about a boy. it was wrong, so wrong to want to hold his hand in the rain and the burning urge to grab him and kiss those pink lips of his. simon felt dirty, thoughts like these were toxic.

the pang in his heart increased as he thought about what his brothers would say, what his friends would think. it was absolutely unheard of, a boy having feelings for another boy.

"fuck!" he screamed, his voice raw from crying and his body shaking feverishly as he tried to breathe.

there was something wrong with him, he had known this forever. maybe he was destined to fall for people he could never have, maybe there's a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for him to find them and waiting to make him feel the same impossibility over and over again.

he hasn't been like this for a while but he was starting to get bad again and what a pity when such a good thing had entered his life.

-

harry woke up, his hair was spilled across his pillow and the light of day was slanted across his cheekbones. he smiled sleepily at nothing in particular and rolled over to his side to get comfortable.

his eyes shut and everything from yesterday hit him like a hurricane. simon and him dancing. carving names into the tree. ethan and simon hugging. dancing under the moonlight. the nightclub. lying down on the road. screaming at the sky. simon.

he sat bolt upright in bed and looked all around him, questioning whether last night was a dream or not.

his imagination was overly vivid but to create something that felt so real?

throwing the sheets off, he swung his legs round and jumped out of his bed, his feet pattering as he ran over to the mirror.

harry breathed out a sigh of relief.

"not a dream." he murmured to himself, picking up the shirt that simon had changed out of and inhaling the smell.

simon smelt like the woodland and the air after it had rained, it was so comforting that harry slipped off his pyjama top and changed into simon's. he knew the boy wouldn't mind.

humming, he walked over to the small, barred window and gazed out of it onto the crisp, blue sky and the treetops that were only visible when he stood on his tiptoes. the golden traces of autumn were slowly being replaced with the purple, darkness of winter. whatever the weather, harry was happy.

wherever simon was and whatever he was doing now, harry hoped he was happy also.

[a/n]

sorry this chapter is shitty and all over the place but needed to write and i will come back and edit this i'm sorry