It's Okay Not To Be Okay

It's Okay To Not Be Okay

I'm feeling kind of down, kind of small, and kind of hopeless. It's just one of those days. I woke up late in the day, nearly noon, and there wasn't much to do. I feel adrift; directionless.
I tried constructing a purpose for myself, but everything I can think up to do feels fake and shallow. There are plenty of these empty tasks and hobbies to be found, but on a day like this I can't help but realize at every turn how pointless it all is, because I'm not working toward anything, I'm just running in circles. There is no final destination to reach, and that thought leaves me with a hollow ache in my chest. I can do anything I want but I can't seem to gather up the conviction when I know that nothing will come of it. So on days like today I feel stuck. Stuck between depressing inaction and discouragingly pointless action.
This is not my first existential crisis, and I know it won't be my last, but it's alright. I know that tomorrow will be better, so I'll settle in to wait it out.
I don't want to die and I know my reason for wanting to live, even though I don't really feel it right now. I built up that reason with a fiery conviction in a sounder state of mind to use as an umbrella on a stormy day like today. I cradle it close, drawing comfort from its firm and steady certainty, and it shields me from the perfusing rain of doubt. I won't let this bout of depression get the better of me; I have big plans for the rest of my life.
This isn't the end. This isn't even the beginning of the end. This is just the middle of just another bump in a road I've not even halfway travelled down. I'm not quite okay right now, but that's okay. No one can be okay all the time.