A Book Blogger's Life

Book Sex

Sex, sex.....and so much more sex!

Alas, I've come to a subject I've been dying to write about.

When I read a book I want to have a good time, right? I want to be entertained and feel the events the characters are going through. As a huge romance fan- there's a 50 / 50 chance for a sex scene to pop up ( depending on the sub-genre, of course. We won't find any sex in a Young Adult Romance ).

And if I'm in the mood I want to read a romance for a more mature audience. A book about sex. Good sex. You know- the mind blowing kind. The kind of sex in books that takes a reader to a complete new level of hornyness. I'm not talking about reading a porn....I'm referring to a romance / erotica novel that has sex in it. (okay....maybe erotica novels come pretty close to porn...or not...what do I know! I'm just a simple reader with high expectations).

We all know that sex is alot of fun ( if done right, of course ) and reading about it in a book that has a drop-dead-gorgeous Hero in it makes the head theater much more fun!

I bow before any author who writes about sex. Period. I cannot imagine how hard it is to write about 2 people screwing and gushing their feelings towards each other. Some authors have so much talent in that department. I often asked myself if those scenes came from personal experience or if it was just thought up. Imagined. Either way, I love extremely well written, fully described, sensual, intimate sex scenes. Nothing makes me more happy to know someone put alot of thought into a sex scene.

But then, there are authors who just write about sex. You know.....the dull kind. The kind that doesn't make my panties change their color.

Now- this is a subject we all can discuss to no end because everyone has a different opinion on what good sex is. Which is fine by me. We all have different tastes, right? I'm not judging anyone if they like to read about any type of bed sports. To each is their own. But in some cases ( no matter what kind of sex I'm talking about) the sex is just alot to take in.

Authors often over-do it with their sex scenes. Again...I'm not talking about all authors.

I consider myself still young, with being 34 and all. I'm practically living in the best years of my life. But not even I can visualize a sex marathon that goes on and on and on without feeling some sort of mental exhaustion after a while.

I mean it! It's hard to keep up with fictional characters these days. I know that the stories I read ( especially in the romance/erotica world) aren't meant to be realistic. Still.....cut me some slack here- at some point, a Heroine has to start walking like John Wayne after she's been well screwed / shagged / fucked by the sex-God from down the road.

Even if some sex scenes were from an authors personal experience, I highly doubt that they didn't upgrade some positions.

I live in Europe...which means people over here are confronted with sex on a daily base in a healthy way. Sex is apart of life. No need to shut up about it. Either people like it kinky, or they don't. No one is utterly fazed or shocked over here. So, before anyone gives me the " Prude" stamp- keep in mind that I'm as open-minded as anyone can be. You cannot shock me with sexual acts or dirty talk, or what-not. I just do not appreciate bad sex in a book.Or a terrible dialogue, for that matter. Sex shouldn't be tacky. Sex isn't a Christmas tree.

An author can make their characters as kinky as they want them to be.....I still don't think anyone or anything should have sex 20 times a day, as some authors LOVE to make their characters do. That just... hurts to think about.

OUCH!

And, please, * slamming hands on table, leaning forward, giving the sternlook*, what is it with the dialogue during sex scenes? Has anyone noticed how the majority of romance / erotica Heros do the ultimate „Oh, you're so wet for me" line?

Or, wait! I got a better one!

"Come for me, baby" *shaking head* Am I the only one who noticed those two sentences in almost EVERY romance / erotica novel lately?

It's not the sentences alone that are terrible. It's the fact that those sentences come up in every damn sex scene.

Let's say characters X and Y are having sex for the first time. And all of the sudden X says: 

„ Oh, you're so wet for me." 

Okay. It's a line that isn't original, but it's still okay. I won't suffer from reading that.

When X and Y have sex the second and third time, X says the same words to Y. Uuh, D'uh?! Does Y need a bucket because she's so wet? Should X fetch one just in case?

Obviously, X can't get over the fact that Y gets wet! Holy shit! Someone call the news! Y get's utterly wet as soon as X touches her! What a sensation! Or, someone get a bucket! Y is leaking!

And when X commands Y to orgasm ( or better...to come – to cum ) Y magically orgasms. Every single time! Some ladies might find that "to orgasm " on command is a hard task to do. But who am I kidding * wave off * I'm thinking way to realistic. What do I know, right?

Let's rehash-

X is fascinated by the fact that Y gets so wet for him all the time that he needs to announce it.

Y can orgasm on command effortlessly because X is DA SHIT!

Let's do a real life version of a novel sex scene ( of course, a woman has a few options on how to respond to the magic words)-

Guy: „ Oh, Baby....you're so wet for me."

Woman:( option nr. 1 ) „ U-huh."

Woman:( option nr .2 ) „ Really? How bad is it down there?"

Woman:( option nr. 3 ) „ Yeah, I'm so wet for you."

Or the woman might not give any answer and enjoy what's bound to happen.

Guy:„ You want to come? Then come, NOW!"

Woman:„ Hold on...I'm almost there..."

Guy:„ No. I want you to come, NOW"

Woman:„ I can't now. Just keep doing what you're doing...almost there..."

Guy:" NOW! Damn it ! N.O.W! Why can't you orgasm on command?!"

Woman:„ Because I'm NOT Y from those non-unique sex scenes!!!!"

Do you see my point?

Also, certain words are truly cringe worthy. Let's take the word 'moist'as an example. Would you like to know what's really moist? My kitchen towels after drying the dishes. I often have to hang them over the heater so they can dry again. THAT is the visual I have when I hear 'moist'.

And since we're being frank let's talk about the words 'cream pie'. I'm sure there's something written in the Bible about that.

„Thou shalt never use food terms when referring to body fluids."

I'm not a religious person but I'm positive God would also have something against men referring to women's bits smelling like a „wet fox" too.

„Thou shalt never compare an animal to a woman's scent in the pink canoe area."

I'm just afraid when young women ( who haven't had sex yet) read those scenes they'll think it's supposed to be like that in real life. *head against table*

Authors should try to come up with better lines. It's really not funny anymore to read the same lines in 80% of all books I read. 

#booksex #readingaboutsex #sex #no