Memories of What Once Was

Chapter 6

One day a boy decided to grab my arm and put it behind my back like Noah had done. Before he grabbed me I punched him in the jaw, one of my fingers broke and so did his jawbone. That day I walked home and finished my tasks as if nothing had happened. No one had noticed, what was the point of telling them? My blood boiled when more boys came after me. During our gym period, they locked me in the bathroom and held me down. Wanting me to slowly scream out in pain they lite my fingers on fire; when I had shown no reaction they decided to further their torture. "What's wrong little boy? Did daddy hurt you too much for you to feel it?" No expression was on my face; with my lips pierced together I eyed one boy. Against the others wishes, he never came after me again.

After he ran away they started to smoke cigarettes over my body. A teacher then came into the bathroom, so they put all but one out on me. Handing me the last one the teacher came in to them standing around innocently and me with a cigarette. "Mr. Avery! Why are you smoking this?" He screamed as he put it out in the sink. The boys looked at me, with my expression still blank, why would I care if I got in trouble? They could do anything to me and I couldn't feel any less or more numb. "Because cigarettes help with my stress, why do you care?" I asked so emotionless, I had no care left so why try to defend myself? Shocked the teacher grabs my arm. I wave to the boys and smile. "Bye!" All of them had their mouths open in awe.

Sitting me in the plastic chair that I had met Erza in, the teacher disappears in the principal's office. You could barely hear them but one teacher screamed. "I caught him smoking in the bathroom! This plus getting in fights! What's next? Killing someone?" He screamed as the principle stayed silent. Another teacher mumbles under her breath, "Was it really him smoking?" The male teacher decided to stop screaming. "He was the one with the cigarette. This is his 5th strike; it's only legal to expel him." I hear the principle sigh and lick her lips. They continue to mumble as I fall asleep on the plastic chairs. This is the only place I truly felt like I had someone by my side, I felt safe for the first time since Mia had gone missing.

I had awoken to my mother and teachers nudging me, my mother had a worried expression. "What?" I ask with an attitude though I hadn't meant to. "Sweetie... please go wash your face..." She demanded as she pushed me to the bathroom. I reached the mirror and I had realized why she told me to wash my face. It seems that while I was asleep others wrote on me. Fag, emo, dumbass, fake, dipshit, ugly, pig, fool, moron, fat ass, problem child, kill yourself, worthless, waste of space, freak, nothing, joke, nobody, failure. All over my body words were written, on my leg one sentence laid. 'You're the reason your sister is dead.' A tear fell from my eye and I hadn't noticed until I looked into the mirror once more, I thought I was numb; did I have no control over my body?

My lip started to quiver and my whole body shook. "I-I..." It was getting hard to breath. My legs gave out and I cried on the bathroom ground. I had felt numb for so long, when I had finally regained feeling it was only sadness. I started to choke on my own tongue as tears fell from my eyes. Once I regained my composure, I dragged a rough paper towel across my face and the marker came off. Quickly I wiped off every word except that one sentence, I couldn't get it off. Why couldn't I get the sentence off? I started to freak out, why couldn't it wipe off? My mother came in the bathroom and grabbed my shoulder to pull me out of the restroom. "It's time to go home."

In the car my mother's expression changed; at first she was so strict then she became worried. "Is this because of what happened with your father?" Excuse me? Is she saying that getting bullied was my fault? Does she think I wanted this? "I didn't do this to myself mother." I angrily reply as tears were still in my eyes. "I'm asking if that made you a target. Or is it because you did something to one of them?" We then reached the house and my anger was growing. "Don't even talk to me." I screamed as I jumped out of the car. "Christopher!" I stopped moving when she screamed my name. "Do you think I asked for my sister to go missing when I was meant to watch her? Do you think I asked for my father to beat me and my family? Do you think I asked for my former friends to burn me in the bathroom then hand me the cigarette? Do you think I asked for any of this? No! I didn't! I've never asked to be alive either but here I am! I've never felt so helpless, I didn't ask for any of this! I don't even know how to fix it! So stop asking me if it's because of something I had done!" With that said I turn to go inside and I see Ava with Anaya in the doorway; wiping my tears I shook my head and walked inside. I didn't want any of this.

At some point night came, I had decided to come out of my room. I had to cook something before I go to bed; I had seemed to be skipping meals. With the steel spatula I flip my pancake; I then grabbed tongs and flipped my bacon. Soon my meal was prepared and I had chosen to eat at the table. The food was cooked to perfection as usual and once finished I cleared my plate and cleaned my mess. Ready to walk upstairs I spot Ava in the entrance. "What are you doing up-" She then cuts me off and walks forward. "Were you really supposed to be watching Mia?" My mouth closes and so do my eyes. Nodding slightly I hear her gasp, "So it was your fault! She wouldn't be gone if you weren't so stupid! I wish you went missing instead!" She screamed as she ran up the stairs. Wrinkles grew on my forehead, I-I... I should have gone missing instead. It would just be easier if I wasn't here!

My shoulders sank and my heart started to pound. A thought ran through my mind and it seemed like a way to resolve everyone's problems. Slowly I walked up the stairs, each step louder than the last. As I passed Ava's door I heard sobbing, I started to run my fingers over the wall. Anaya's room was next, it was quiet and that is what scared me most. I creaked open the door only to find her sleeping soundly, I kissed her forehead and whispered. "I'm so sorry Anna." As I walked out I turned her way once more, shaking my head I moved forward. Next was Mia's room. I open the door to see pink everywhere, a single tear falls down my cheek and a streak is left. "It's all my fault jaws. I am so sorry!" Biting my lip I crawl out of the empty room. Next was my mother's room, I only shook my head and moved forward. Calmly I clean my room and walk into the bathroom.

Scolding water ran in the bath tub and I stepped in, this was nothing compared to a cigarette burning on my skin. I pushed myself under and lifted my foot to wedge it, it pushes me further down. Once most of the air left my body I started to struggle. No matter how much I hadn't wanted to be here anymore my body still struggled. Gasping for air, I only swallowed more water. Soon I heard someone banging on the door but I was slipping away, I was ready. Yet I was still pulled from the hot water with my body exposed.

I woke up inside of a hospital with my mother sleeping in a chair. Why was I alive? "No..." I faintly cried. "I don't want to be here. Why?" My delirious crying woke my mother and she ushered to my side. "Do you know how hurtful it is to hear your son say that he doesn't want to live anymore?" I tried to push her away but I couldn't, "Did you know that Ava found you? You traumatized her!" NO! I didn't want to be here! Why am I here? That's the way life is, is it worth it to take the risk? No, it's not.

Hours later Anaya and Ava came into the hospital and Ava was in tears, "I didn't know that you blamed yourself. I'm- I'm sorry Shu." Her bottom lip was quivering after speaking. "D-don't call me that." I said as I turned my head, no one may call me that. "B-but..." Anaya looked to Ava and shook her head. "I'm sorry." She blubbered, I only turned my head, how could I do this to them? "How- How could I do this to you guys?" I whimpered, how am I going to better my life after this. The girls surrounded me and cry as well, "We all have our lows." Sobs Anaya as she hugs me.

After I have gotten out of the hospital my mother sat me down. A stack of papers were thrown in front of me and she spoke. "Nyx academy, it is a boarding school. You were expelled from Washington Prep for having too many strikes. You will be there for two years, but we will visit you. It's in Michigan though." It's in Michigan? "Mom..." She then gave me a saddened expression; I understood that it was for the good of everyone. "Okay." I replied as left to pack my room. After I had finished I set my bags against the wall. It is time to start new adventures; I was 17 so I'd be gone either way. Before loading my luggage in the car I went into Mia's room, I then grabbed her gold locket. Our family was in her heart until the end and I wanted to keep her favorite thing, to remember her by.