philkas collection

2 am

philip misses lukas.

-

philip

miserable and numb. that's what i felt like, and it was horrible. on the tip of my tongue and my fingertips, i felt a static like numbness, and my chest felt dropped, hollow, and empty. all because of one reason.

i missed lukas.

it's been two weeks since a stupid argument we had, and i craved his presence. at school, lukas didn't even bother to look in my direction, and that hurt me. seeing him with rose hurt me even more, since she was the subject of our argument.

when angry, lukas is scary, to say the least. he raised his voice, grabbed objects and threw them to the wall, breaking them. but he never laid a finger on me, and that made me smile in the slightest bit. it helped me know that he still cared about me.

but i'm not so sure anymore. lukas doesn't reply to my goodnight or good morning texts, he doesn't even read them! that made me feel not so good. a way that i tried to take my mind off of things, was write letters to lukas that he'll never see. i didn't just them on my phone, i wrote them in pen in my notebook. i'm not so proud of my most recent letter, it just showed how weak i am.

i have been missing you more than ever. i've been missing our long conversations, our moments of affection, and your presence. the little pet names you called me, the way you held me, i felt like the happiest boy with you. i'd melt when you called me anything like "angel" or "pretty," and i'd especially melt when you said things like "i'm so in love" or "i adore you." when you say "i love you," i feel overwhelmed with joy. i noticed that you usually "love you," but when you add that little "i," it makes a huge difference. it means you mean it much more.

i miss your touch, and i crave it more than ever. you make me feel safe, protected, and loved. and when you try to act mean, i always know how to break you down and make you feel all lovey, with my words. and it works. when you hold me close to you, or just drag your finger along my skin, creating outlines and patterns, i melt. the concept of being loved and cared for by you really makes me feel happy. even when you make me want to hit you on the head sometimes, you make me feel more loving anyway, and it works. i end up wanting to kiss your pretty face.

remember when at 1:45 in the morning, you were cold? you said that you missed me. waking up to these texts made me smile. i wish i could wake up to more messages like those. the fact that i was on your mind during the middle of the night, intrigues me. you were shivering, and thinking of me to help warm you up. knowing that i was on your mind makes my heart flutter.

please let me be in your arms once more.

p.s., i love you. so much. get that through your damn head.

i literally felt like i poured my feelings into this one letter, but it didn't genuinely describe how i felt. the words i wrote didn't feel like enough to express how i truly felt. so, i decided that tonight i would go to lukas' house.

was it the best decision? absolutely not. but i was going to do it. i will bring him my recent letter, and give him something to think about. it's crazy how only 14 days can do so much to you.

i put on a jacket since i knew i would be cold as soon as i stepped outside. it was midnight after all. i carefully tore out my letter that was still in my notebook, and then neatly folded it before putting it in my front pocket. i decided that riding my bike to lukas' would be quick, if i went fast enough. nobody else would be traveling at this hour anyway.

i slipped on a pair of vans before stealthily maneuvering through my house, ever so quietly escaping through the front door. i made sure to take my house key with me as i locked the door on my way out, taking my bike soon after. i then took my normal route to lukas' house, just knowing that he would be awake. all i had to do was tap on his window right? i'll just throw rocks.

as soon as i got to lukas' house, i found some rocks in the grass, somehow. the moonlight shined bright enough for me to find decently small pebbles, but big enough to be heard. i threw the first rock, missing the window and hitting the roof. on the next few rocks, i perfectly hit the window, the sound of glass being tapped the only thing i could hear.

after a few moments of no response, the window opened to reveal a pissed looking lukas. i awkwardly waved at him once his gaze fell upon me, and i saw him sigh before closing the window again and disappearing.

i took out the letter from my pocket, quickly scanning over every letter on the page. i was startled when lukas suddenly opened the door, causing me to put my paper down.

"what do you want?" lukas tiredly asked, looking at me with fire in his eyes.

"lukas. . ." i mumbled, actually tearing up as i got closer to him, nearly stumbling as i threw myself into lukas' arms, hugging him tightly.

i didn't want to let go. i wanted to be in his arms forever. i wanted to be by his side forever. i wanted to be loved by him forever. i wanted to be with him forever.

lukas hesitated before putting his arms around my fragile body, soothingly rubbing my back with small patterns. i blinked away the small tears in my eyes as i took in lukas' familiar scent, savoring this hug.

lukas slowly pulled away before looking at me again, glancing down at my notebook page as well.

"philip. . ." lukas muttered, "i'm— i'm so sorry, angel."

lukas pulled me in for another hug, this time kissing my forehead before pulling away.

"what's that?" lukas asked, pointing at the letter.

"it's uh, it's a letter i wrote. i wasn't feeling so well, so i wrote," i quietly explained, handing him the folded paper.

lukas took and unfolded the letter, his eyes scanning over every word. his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, before looking back up at me after finishing the letter.

"philip," lukas paused, trying to find his words, "did i. . . hurt you this much?"

i sheepishly nodded as i averted my gaze, playing with my fingers. it was a nervous habit i had, i always pulled at them or tried to pop then when i was anxious.

"angel cakes, i'm so sorry i hurt you," lukas mumbled, pulling me in for another tight hug that i gladly returned.

next thing i knew, lukas threw me over his shoulder and walked inside his house, closing the front door before slowly walking up the staircase. when we got to his room, he pulled back his blankets, tucking me in his bed before getting in with me.

i turned my body to face lukas, and he pulled me close to him as i draped my arm over his waist. lukas did the same, playing with my hair with one hand and tracing small circles on my back with the other. and i was happy.

happy that i finally got what i wanted. happy that i was with lukas again. happy that i was in his arms.

i felt loved, and protected. and i never wanted this moment to end.

"i love you so much," lukas whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"i love you so much too," i whispered back, leaving a small kiss on his chest.

seeing lukas happy, and "in love" with rose crushed me. but now, i'm not broken anymore.

i fell asleep in his arms. happy.

-

hey this was kinda cute

alsO i started a philkas fic, it's called bloodline and lukas is a vampire and philip just so happens to be seen by him

go check it out!!!