Misfit

CHAPTER VI

02.05.1999

Today was the day. The memorial ceremony at Hogwarts. When opening her eyes this morning Hermione still hadn't made her decision on whether to go or not go. Never in her life had she been so indecisive about what to do. She got up nevertheless, showered and changed into on of her nicer robes just in case she did decide to go last minute. Everyone would be there for 1:00 pm and it was only 11:00 am now with Hermione pacing up and down her flat. She could hear wizards and witches outside on the streets, it sounded busy. Of course it was. Hogsmeade was the only fully Wizarding town in England. Everyone would meet here to go to the castle.

She wasn't sure she could handle all the memories and flashbacks. She wasn't sure she could handle the people. Her friends. Her family. Everything was too much. And just thinking about it made her lose her breath. She was supposed to be fearless and strong. Not a coward. She hated herself for being weak. But she just didn't know what to do. It seamed to be impossible to make the right decision.

Without realising it Hermione had been pacing up and down her living room for almost 2 hours. It was 15 minutes until the start of the ceremony. 15 minutes to decide on whether to let her guard down or not. To face all her fears or to keep hiding in her little flat, away from everyone. Away from her life. Deep down Hermione knew she had already made a decision, she just couldn't admit it to herself. And that was the hardest part for Hermione in general. Admitting to herself. Admitting good things, bad things, exciting moments, sad moments. Hermione was very well practiced in pushing memories and feelings as far away as possible. Yet, she felt so much at the same time. If she would try to explain this to a normal person, they wouldn't understand. Or pretend to understand, but then turn around and think she had gone insane. 

Hermione let out a dry chuckle to herself, picturing that last thought. She could only imagine the headline in the newspaper >Brightest witch of her age gone insane<. Sounds like a story Rita Skeeter would publish in the Daily Prophet. 

With this thought Hermione grabbed the front of her robes, pulling it tight and taking one last breath, stopping herself from pretending she wouldn't go. She knew in the very corner of her heart that she would go to the ceremony, this morning when she opened her eyes. If she would be completely honest, she knew it from the day she got the letter. Even though it seemed like Hermione tried to convince herself to actually go to the ceremony, it just now was awfully obvious to herself that she tried to convince herself to not go. Which is making her doubt her own sanity at this moment. How can ones thoughts be so confusing. She is blinding herself more than she is blinding anyone else. 

Walking down the corridor, to make her way up to Hogwarts, only a short walk from Hogsmeade, the Weasleys came bolting down the stairs, in fairly formal dress robes, nothing to extravagant; Surprisingly. When they saw Hermione they quickly stopped, looked at each other, but then pretended that nothing had happened. 

"Afternoon, Hermione. Mind if we walk with you?", George asked her, with a hesitant smile. It seemed like he clocked on. This isn't the Hermione he went to school with. The bossy, brave, smart, witted know-it-all. This was a broken witch, that just barely survived a war, hiding so much behind a mask she is too scared to let go of. 

"You do what you please anyway", she shrugs, continuing the steps down and stepping outside. Most witches and wizards had already made their way up to the castle, only a few were rushing up the road, thinking they are running late. 

"Sure we do", says Fred and they walk to her right. 

"So what made you come?", Fred again. 

"Fred!", George sighs, scolding his twin for such questions. 

"I don't know what else to say! What would we talk to her about?", Fred whispers back, thinking that Hermione couldn't hear him, but the light breeze had carried his voice over to her. 

"Anything but this, really", George responds. Even though he was right, Hermione knew she most likely wouldn't respond to anything. She was never really close with the twins, she knew them, went to school with them, told them off and fought a war with them. But she doesn't know them too well; so what would she really talk to them about. 

"Thanks for your help again", George turns to Hermione, thanking her yet again for her helping out in the shop yesterday. 

"How come you were all by yourself?"

"Oh our staff was in our shop in Diagon Alley and the ones we hired, cancelled last minute", Fred quickly explains to her, too rushed, for Hermiones liking. 

"What about your family and friends?", Hermione asks again, surprising herself with being so nosy.

"Our family was up at the castle helping to set up, you know, they all told us it was a inconvenient day to have the opening day, but we thought it was quite fitting, to say so. All our friends were up here as well, plus, you are our friend too", George says. 

"I barely know you", Hermione scoffs, rolling her eyes. Ignoring the little pull in her chest, when George had mentioned the timing of the shop opening. 

"You're family Hermione", Fred exclaimed. 

"I still don't know you and neither do you know me", she says firmly. Having reached the castle entrance, she bids them goodbye with a firm nod, the turns right in the entrance hall, going to look for the Minister, leaving behind very confused and slightly hurt twins, exchanging a thoughtful look.

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I felt like updating again. Don't know if it will stay this frequent, but it might, I have a couple of relaxing days from work at the moment. 

Enjoy reading!xx