He was back. It still made Ellen's head spin as she stepped on set. It had been a week since Patrick first opened that table read door and entered her life again. Ellen was still swimming in her emotions. She sighed, sitting in her makeup chair.
"Morning Ellen." Joanna grinned, as Melanie began tousling her hair. Ellen gave them each smiles, but reached for her coffee instead of gossiping with them. It wasn't like she would be in there long between shortened hair and minimal makeup. A patch of dark waves came into the back of the mirror, making Ellen nearly spit her drink. Patrick was getting his makeup and hair done as well. It made her stomach twist. She couldn't believe she had tricked herself for years saying she was over him...you just don't get over Patrick. He looked up into the mirror, brilliant blue eyes staring deep into Ellen's before they both looked away.
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"It's about that moment afterward... when the world stops. It just feels so safe, so safe. "
Ellen sighed as the words she had muttered just hours ago came flooding into her mind. She pulled the sheets in her bed in her trailer closer around her, feeling Patrick behind her, wrapping his arms around her side. She closed her eyes, leaning back against him and just feeling his warm body envelope her. Patrick was gentle, soft, and warm reminding her that the sex they had just had was as well. Even in doggystyle, Patrick was tender while going deep, hard, and fast. It was his hands on the small of her back, moving to cradle her breasts, the kisses behind her ear, the encouragement...all of it. Just as sensual as his breath on the back of her neck now. She fell asleep that night in his arms, and the next night, and well what she thought would be the rest of their lives until that night.
The night she learned he was going.
He hadn't told her. He had been trying and racking his brain for weeks trying to figure out the right way to explain. It all hurt too much. So he decided on the cheap way out. The day before the table read. It starts as a date over coffee, where they sat watching the street corner. His hand on her thigh, rubbing softly as her thumb slid over his while their hands intertwined.
"So I heard some whispers in the production office today about something huge in the table read tomorrow. They kept whispering around if someone had told the cast they were leaving? But no ones been saying who or even using code names." Ellen said between sips of her coffee. Patrick nodded, this was his perfect opportunity. It was better now than tomorrow.
"I might know something, but that's not a conversation for here." He replied. Guarded. Ellen frowned. This wasn't the Patrick she knew. Her gut clenched at the thought immediately.
"What's got into you? We can just go now if you want to. Look Patrick, it's not like it's you." She said before Patrick got up. Her green eyes grew dark as her mind put two and two together. She got up, throwing away her cup and glaring at him, pulling out the keys to her Range Rover. Patrick followed her to the parking lot in dead silence as anger oozed out of her while she drove back to set. They made their way back to her trailer and then the silence broke.
"What the hell Patrick?" Ellen let loose. She was angry. She was confused. Hurt. Patrick stepped forward to grab her swinging arms.
"Stop. I will discuss this with you like an adult or I'm leaving." He said, seeing her eyes cloud with disbelief. She deserved to be angry.
"Tell me why then? Why are you going? Why are you leaving me?" Ellen asked, her voice breaking. The fear and panic set in. She didn't know how much she loved him until he was ripped away from her. Patrick backed away, looking down. He licked his lips.
"Ells-"
"Don't call me that." Ellen stubbornly interrupted him, her nostrils flaring. Patrick's face broke at the pure seething anger in her tone.
"Ellen. Listen. I've been tired since season 9 or 10. I've been only staying for you. I've not wanted to renew my contract but I saw the response we got each year. I couldn't bear to see you on your own, and now look I have more chances to race and movies to do. It's stagnant here, I don't have to try to act around you. I feel lost and then there's Jill-"
Ellen made a noise of disgust, crossing her arms.
"You let your wife influence your choice? Who are you Patrick!" She asked angrily. "I'm in this with you! What the hell am I supposed to do now? I trusted you. I loved working with you. This was our sanctuary...do you even love me anymore?"
Patrick looked at her, caught off guard. He thought she understood, she knew, he still loved her. Without thinking Patrick crossed the trailer floor and took Ellen's face in his hands. He kissed her, long and hard, parting his lips for tongue. Ellen's hands clenched in his hair. She didn't want to let him go and the fear of loosing him made her angry. So very angry. Patrick's hands clenched back, grabbing a fist full of her darkened hair. Their kisses grew needy, their hands pulling at their clothes like they were burning. In mere minutes Ellen was pushed against the wall, her pants kicked to the side, her shirt lifted as Patrick decided they couldn't wait for the bedroom. He leaned in close as he thrust in. His breath hot on Ellen's cheek. He growled, the anger at himself manifesting into a need for dominance. Ellen moaned in response she could feel his hands on her waist, holding her as he slid in and out. She closed her eyes, realizing this could be the last time. A small tear leaked down the side of her face, landing on the space where Patrick's cheek lay flush against hers. Suddenly the animal passion stopped. Patrick pulled out, and Ellen slid down the wall, her legs giving out. Her heart raced.
"I want to love you El, but I-"
Ellen stopped Patrick with one finger raised. She shook her head.
"I'm beyond angry at you. Just leave, go. I want our last time to be cherished but that's all ruined because I can't even accept that we'll have a last time so just go! Get out Patrick!" Ellen cried out as more tears fell down her face. Patrick stepped back, unsure what to do. He couldn't watch Ellen lay there crumpled on the ground, half dressed, crying. But she wouldn't accept his help. Or anything from him. He had no choice but to turn and leave. For what may be forever.
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"Ellen? You and Patrick have call in fifteen minutes just so you know to get to costuming, they want to double check and get Patrick some of the new scrub brand."
