Deep Down Inside

Mulan ( moo-lan)

Monday September 2 , 2014

~He would take me by my hand and hold me close. Look me in my eyes so deep that i feel he's looking into my soul. He tells me that i'm special to him and he plants a slow-romantic kiss on my lips~

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

My dream ends abruptly since my alarm goes off. I've been having these dreams for awhile now. It always seems to end right at the end of the dream when he kisses me. I try everything to try to get these dreams out of my mind since i know they'll NEVER come true. The mystery guy that kisses me doesn't like me one bit, but i'll explain why i think this later on in the story.

I click the dismiss button on my iphone to turn off the alarm and go the bathroom to wash my face & brush my teeth. As I walk in the bathroom I see my 17 year-old-sister Karmyn ( car-men) hurling over the bathroom toilet.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask. I already know the answer since she's been hurling like this all weekend but i want to hear her sorry a** lie that she'll try to make up.

" Nothing just leave me the f**** alone!"

" You don't have to get an attitude....b**tch!"

"And you don't have to be so godd**mn nosey!" She gets all in my face with throwup residue on her hair and face.

"B**tch don't get in my face with your breath smellin' like 40 ounces of bounce that a**"

"Uggghhh ... shut the f**k up!" She goes back in her room since she knows she won't win this argument. She thinks just becasue she' s older and is 5'7 when im 5'3 that she can boss me the f**ck around but i always go off on her a** and isn't afraid to fight her! Honestly I love my sister but she can be a bitch sometimes. She's always having an attitude for no reason at all. When we were younger we got along but as we've gotten older we've just faded apart . She has light brown skin with black hair ( hair color from my dad while I have brown hair from my mom) that touches her boob mid-way. Her eyes are a pretty shade of hazel that look somewhat yellowish in the sun . Male friends that have seen my sister say she has a "coke bottle body" but I don't pay that mind because all my friends try to hit on her while I pretend i don't hear them. Hands down my sister is gorgeous but her attitude and the way she acts at time contradicts with her body on the outside .

I go back in my room to get dress while facetiming my bestie Aaliyah ( ah-lee-yahh). We've been friends since the 5th grade and have gotten close over the years. We tell eachother everything and do mostly everything together. Even though we both moved away from one a other we still keep in contact all the time . We've been through so much together to where i'm not afraid to get dressed and undressed infront of her. I trust her just that much !!But ofcourse we don't stare at eachother when we do because me and her together are STRICLTY DICKLY!

RING! RING! RING!

My iphone calls Aaliyah for a facetime and she answers on the fourth ring.

" HEEEEEY LOVEE MUFFIN! She yells in the screen like i can't already she her yellow a**.

" Heey honey cakes!" We always call eachother little dumb names just because we feel like it.

" Do you know what your gonna' wear for school?

"Yea." I bring out my aztec burgundy,black, and crop top from Forever 21, burgundy high waisted paints from Charlotteusse and my black flats with my hair in high bun and gold necklace, earrings, and necklace.

"OOh boo you gonna look cute as f**k today!"

"Thanks hun!, what are you wearing?"

"Ehh basic clothes. Oversized sweater, leggings, ugg boots w/ my hair in a high-messy bun."

~ 20 minutes later~

I get off facetime with Aaliyah and is all dressed and ready to go to school. I go to the kitchen to grab a nutrigrain bar and a bottle of water when my mom and dad are already arguing.

"YOU'RE ALWAYS LEAVING THE HOUSE LATE AND COMING HOME EARLY IN THE MORNING MIKE FOR WHAT?!?" My mom yells. All my dad does is has his head in his hands with his veins popping out of his neck. Mom and Dad always arguing over my dad not coming home on time or my mom sneaking through my dad's personal stuff. I can't and won't interfere in their argument because when i get back from school i know all i'm going to hear is them f***king in their room.

As i try to get my breakfast so i can leave this hell hole of a house to go to school,all i can think about is Chris. He's the highschool's quater-back , cutest boy in school, makes good grades, and is every girls dream in highschool. When I first came to Elmer's High in Miami, Florida i fell in love with him at first sight. He was in most of my classes, and lived RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME !When I first found out i literally almost fainted . The cutest boy in school living right infront of MY house , getting to see him with his shirt off and being all cute LIFE COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER!

I felt that way about Chris until i got to know him. The first few weeks of me getting to know him was pure heaven. He flirted with me and we made little jokes. Then it turned into him teasing me and flirting with me a lttle less. Sooner or late he starts to basically bully me and call me names like "no booty!" or just makes up ignorant names that a first grader would say. I was soo confused till the point where i would cry becasue all i wanted to do was get to know him. We argue all the time now and i get fustrated because all i want him to do is act mature and just grow up! Sometimes i would wonder to myself " why do i like this kid?" Then i would look into his eyes and they tell me a different sttory that it seems only i understand. Every little dumb joke he would make about me would mask him trying to say " i like you" or " i think your pretty". But thats how i feel deep down inside. Its like it's a tugging deep in my heart that says " he wants you " but in reality it seems like he doesn't.

As i walk out the front door and i see him do the same and my heart STILL drops when i see his face. It's like the world stops and its just me & him against the world. His eyes are so brown and they glimmer in the sunlight. I always believe that what he calls me isn't true and deep down he means something different, then that's when he opens his mouth to say to me " hey ugly!"

~ on the side is a picture of mulan if you can see it~

!AUTHOR'S NOTES !

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