How to Be Awkward

chapter one

tip #1: talk to cute girls and embarrass yourself before you can even talk to them about politics

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I love my job. Most people would say they hate working, but not me. I work at the local pet store and spend most of my time playing with the cats and talking to them. Is that weird? Nah.

"That's probably why you have no friends," I said to myself as I stroked Purrsia's plush grey fur. "What do you think Purrsia? You're my friend though right?" I asked the silent cat. She meowed and looked at me strangely, then looked away at the kitty condos that she desperately wanted to go in.

The pet store was relatively small, having a few sections within it. Even though it was small, it was like my second home. It's just refreshing, walking through the glass door and into the little shop and seeing the abundance of life and colour in there.

As you go in through the door, there's an area off to the left near the window with a bunch of food and supplies for dogs, hamsters, cats, gerbils, ferrets, bunnies, and basically any other dry household pet. Behind that section is where the cash registers are. There's a bit of open space between the sections and the check out area. It makes a cozy area to play with some of the unadopted pets.

On the right side is the aquarium sort of section, where all of the fishes swim and are free to mingle. My personal favourite are the betta splendens or Siamese fighting fish. They come in a bunch of cool colours and it's always fun to see them fight for a bit. Even though some have kind of...died. It's the circle of life though, it was going to happen anyway, so why not make it interesting, you know?

Some other animals living in that section include snakes, turtles, frogs, and lizards.

Surprisingly enough, there actually aren't any birds in this store. I think it has something to do with cauliflower and a lamp? I'm not quite sure, but that's a story for another time.

My favourite section, though, is hands down, the cage section. It's just behind the aquarium section behind a closed door. You may be thinking, what's so great about some boring metal bars that open and close? Well my friend, I'll tell you. It's not the cage itself, it's what's inside the cages that I love. All of the little kitties and puppies and bunnies and hamsters and all the other animals waiting for a new owner. They're adorable. I just love taking them out and playing with them.

Even though I love all the animals, there's something about cats that just draw me in. It's like they can feel and sense what I'm feeling too. I can just kinda talk to them about my feelings and they don't say a word. I probably like them so much because they're some of the best listeners I've ever talked to. I mean, I don't talk to a lot of people, but still.

"Hey, don't look at me like that. We both know that I'm the one that feeds you and gives you treats even when you don't deserve it," I argued my point, scowling at the small cat and pushing her off of my lap.

"Carter, you're not talking to the cats again are you? You know what the doctor said!" A voice sniggered in the room behind me.

"Oh fuck off Alex! Just because you don't talk to cats and have pleasant conversations with them doesn't mean that I'm not allowed."

"Woah, woah, woah, don't get so defensive," Alex said walking out from the back with his hands raised with innocence. "I'm only trying to help you get laid sometime."