Dreams & Nightmares

Choices

One cold evening of December, a middle aged man, was walking along the streets of New York, trying to clear his thoughts on something that has been bothering him. The harsh wind of winter was blowing and snow was falling down, but that didn’t bother the man, he kept on walking until he came up to a restaurant. He did a double take before deciding to enter the restaurant, his plan was to get a table from himself and order a steak and a red wine, but the man glanced around the room and saw that the place was filled with couples happily eating together, which made him uncomfortable so he left. He then found a bench near a park then he just sat there, he thought to himself, “Why did I leave? Why don’t I have the courage to eat at that place again?” He shrugged off the thought then he took out his flask and took a swig of rum to keep him warm enough. The man just sat in that bench for a while lost in his thought that he didn’t notice that someone was sitting there beside him. It was a homeless person, well over his prime, just sitting there and trying his best to keep warm. The man felt the urge to ask the person a question, but also felt shy about doing so, so he left it at that.

He was about to take another sip when the person asked him, “You have been drinking a lot, lad, you should be aware that this is a park and drinking is not allowed here.”

The man was shocked at the voice of the person, he was expecting the voice to be a bit huskier, but the tone was familiar, almost as if he should know who that voice is. To be polite, he said, “Yes, I am aware of that, but police don’t come into this place at this time,” then he asked, “How did you know that I have been drinking a lot?”

The person didn’t answer and the man checked on him and saw that he was sleeping so he stood up, when the man started walking away, he heard a voice that said “I simply know”, he glanced back and saw that the person was still sleeping so he just shrugged the thought off and continued on his way.

The man continued his walk until he reached Hudson River; he stood by the railing and stared at the reflection of the New York City lights in the water. He took his flask out to take a sip but was disappointed to find out that he had already emptied it. He placed it inside his coat and decided to walk back to his apartment. He was about to leave when he heard a couple arguing, curiosity got the best of him, so he subtly got close to listen to what they were fighting about.

“Why are you doing this to me? After I gave you a lot, you’re leaving me?” he heard the guy said.

“Yes, you gave me a lot, but what I wanted was time.” The girl replied.

“But, all those things I bought for you, wasn’t that enough?” The guy said.

“Money cannot buy anything, you cannot buy time, I’m sorry.” She girl said while crying.

The man listened to this intently and felt somehow familiar with that situation, but that feeling didn’t last long and he got bored listening to the crying, so he went on his way back to his apartment. As soon as he got in, he went straight to bed then fell asleep.

The morning when he woke up and read the newspaper, he was a bit shocked to find out that a man had jumped and drowned at the Hudson River last night. The man took in the news calmly and after having coffee, he was clear of his thoughts of that incident. After getting dressed, the man left his apartment and went on his daily walks around the city. The man dressed in a black coat and tie, like a business man, and he blended well with the throngs of people walking the streets of New York, and no one really paid anyone attention, everyone was busy with their jobs, lives, problems. The man observed all of this, every day, he walks and observes, it gives him pleasure doing so, but deep inside, he feels a certain longing that he could not quite understand.

By noon, the man goes to the usual hotdog vendor he goes to, and orders two hotdog sandwiches, everyday this has been his routine, he buys two then goes to a park to sit on a bench and eat in peace. Today was somehow different for the man, because when he got to his usual bench, he saw the person from last night sitting there and eating a very greasy burger. The man was a bit shocked but nonetheless, he sat on the same bench and ate in silence. The person beside him beside the man finished his burger and then spoke to the man.

“You are the man from last night, right?” the person said.

Again, the man was surprised by the tone of the person, “Yes, I am.” The man answered, and asked “Do you know who I am?”

The person gave the man a stern look then shrugged, “Maybe, maybe not, I see many people in this city.”

The man just nodded and finished his food then stood up to continue in his walk, he bid the person farewell as he was leaving, but the person paid him no attention, so he simply went on his way. When he was walking, he stumbled upon a familiar face, a girl, but the man could not remember the name so he just smiled at her, but he got no response whatsoever, he thought that he may have mistook the girl for someone else, but somehow, he really know the girl, he just did not know how he knew her.

When nightfall came, the man had just gone to a liquor store and bought a bottle of rum, he refilled his flask then drank some from the bottle then he threw the rest away. No point in bringing the whole bottle while walking, the man thought, and went on his way. After walking for a few minutes, the man reached an ice skating rink in the middle of a park, the just stood against the railing and took in the image of children laughing, having fun, and the couples who were holding hands and smiling at each other. He felt a wave of nostalgia at the scene that made the man a bit dizzy; nevertheless, he got a hold of himself, brushed off the snow from his coat and went to find somewhere to eat.

By the time the man reached the restaurant, it was closed, and according to the guard outside, the place was reserved by some wealthy businessman because he was proposing to a girl. The man was a bit annoyed by that as he really wanted to eat at that restaurant, but he felt somehow familiar, had he done something like that before, he thought. But the man’s memory was not that accurate anymore so he just passed it on as wishful thinking. He left the restaurant then went to a bar, ordered a burger and a bottle of beer. The man sat in solidarity in a booth for four people, and he was just sitting there and felt that he had been there a long time ago, but he could not remember when.

“Excuse me sir, would it be possible to share this seat with you?” the man heard someone ask, when he looked up, he saw a guy, about the same age as he is, giving him a warm smile.

The man just shrugged and said nothing. He did not want to get into any trouble and he was in no mood to talk to anyone, by the guy seated with him seems to be a friendly person and really wants to talk to him so the man had no choice but to strike up a conversation.

“I have to ask, there are a lot of empty tables, why’d you want to share a table with me?” the man asked.

“Simple, because I’m here to help you.” The guy said.

The man was taken aback, who was this person, and what is he talking about. “Could you emphasize that.” The man said.

“You, my friend, are in dire need of help, and you need it badly.” The guy said then drank from his beer.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, you must be mistaking me for someone else.” The man said and started to leave, he was done eating anyway.

“Think about what I said and look for me, you know where to find me.” The guy said.

The man pretended not to hear that and he left the bar. His thoughts were making him dizzy so he took out his flask and took a big swig of his rum, and that seemed to calm his nerves. The man wondered who that guy was as his face seemed familiar, but somewhere in his mind, he could not place where he knew that person from. The man wanted to return to the park but decided against it and went home to his apartment. Again, the amount of people walking the streets of New York was a treat to the man, he was able to see different people, different emotions and he was fond of observing all those things. When the man was at the door to his apartment, he noticed that he had forgotten to bring his keys, and he had locked himself out. The man wanted to call the landlord, but realized that it was almost midnight and waking up the landlord seemed like a bad idea, so he went out again in the cold and started his way to a hotel to spend the night.

The man was almost at the nearest hotel when he checked his wallet and found out that he did not have enough money for a night. The man silently cursed himself and decided to think for a while on what he should do. He sat on a near bench, took out his phone, and searched his contacts for someone he could call to get a place to sleep. Eventually the man found the number of his best friend but before he could make the call, the phone died. The man cursed himself again for his bad luck, and threw his phone on the garbage. He again took out his flask to drink when he heard a familiar voice.

“Oh, there you are, I was hoping I didn’t scare you at the bar a while ago.” The man looked up and saw that the guy talking to him was the guy at the bar.

“It’s fine.” The man said.

“Oh, that’s great then, here, want a cigarette?” the guy offered.

“No thanks, I quit a long time ago.” The man said.

“Well, good for you, hope you don’t mind if I smoke here, though.” The guy said.

The man said nothing and just kept to himself drinking his rum. But something about what the guy said bothered him so much that eventually, he asked, “What was that you told me at the bar a while ago, about me needing help? And who are you anyway?”

The guy smiled and threw his cigarette away before answering, “My name does not matter, and I am called differently by a lot of people, and what I was referring to, was and is, the fact that you, my friend, are dead.”

“What do you mean, I am dead?” the man was perplexed.

“You’re dead.” The guy said, “How hard is that to accept?”

“I can’t be dead!” the man said, “Just yesterday I talked to someone, just this morning, I drank coffee at my apartment, got food from the usual hotdog cart, and even ate and drank at a bar a while ago. How can I be dead? Are you crazy?!”

“Yes, the usual reaction, the why questions, the how questions, but we’ll get to all that. First off, let me ask you a question, what is your name?” the guy answered while he was lighting another cigarette.

“I am–” the man stopped. He did not know his name. He felt pain in his temples as he was forcing his mind to remember it, but it didn’t help. “How can that happen, how could I not remember my name?” he asked the guy.

“Well, that’s what people forget first, names are powerful, you know, it keeps the essence of a person alive, that’s the reason you’re still here, meaning, someone out there is still mentioning your name.” the guy said.

“Who are you exactly, are you the devil out to torment me?” he asked.

“Not really, like I told you, I’m out here to help you. Now, do you believe that you’re dead?” the guy asked him.

“No, I don’t believe you.” The man said firmly. “I’m leaving, you’re crazy.”

“I’m not crazy, you know, if you want proof, then, hear this, remember that restaurant you were supposed to eat to, but was reserved? That restaurant has been closed for years, and what you saw was you proposing to your then girlfriend.” The guy said as the man was starting to leave.

The man was shocked to hear this and memory came flooding to him like a dam being destroyed, he was overwhelmed at the memories that he didn’t realize that tears were falling from his eyes. Unconsciously, he said, “Yes, that was 10 years ago; I was a very successful businessman.”

“Good, you’re starting to remember.” The guy said. “Now, remember the couple fighting?”

“Yes, that was me and my girlfriend, 4 years after we got engaged, I was too focused on work that I didn’t have time for her, I just gave her all the things she wants and I thought that that was enough.” The man said as he was staring at the pavement.

“Good, your memories are now starting to come back, soon enough, you will be able to remember who you are. Now, what happened after the fight?” the guy said.

“I jumped the river. No, I, I don’t know.” The man said holding on to his temples.

“Ok let me help you on this one,” the guy said, “you went on a drinking spree, you wasted most of your company’s funds on really expensive liquor, you held parties every night, and you almost bankrupted your own company, which didn’t happen as the board of directors decided to fire you, which is kind of funny if you think about it, the owner of the company got fired on his own company. Classic.”

“That is not funny, I remember that day, I was mocked by everyone, pitied by my friends but no one came to help, I ended up a homeless person.” The man said, “And I was that person I was talking to the other day, that was me, that was the memory of me at that time.”

“Very good, now, after a year of being a wreck, what happened?” the guy asked smiling warmly.

“I met her again, I mean, I bumped in to her while she was walking the streets, she did a double take then she recognized me, I saw tears in her eyes but I didn’t have the courage to face her, so I ran.” The man said with tears falling.

“And then?”

“And then, I, I run up to the edge of Hudson River and I jumped, I wanted to end my life.” The man said, crying, as the all the memories from his childhood came crashing down to him, everything until the moment of his death.

“I remember now, I remember everything, I made a lot of wrong choices, I failed at being a person, and I believe that you are here to take my soul to hell.” Then man blurted out.

“I didn’t say that I was the devil, besides, your story isn’t finished yet, and you still haven’t remembered a few more things, what happened after you jumped, and what your name is.” The guy said as he was standing up. “Do you want to remember what happened?”

“I don’t know, I—” the man said and started to cry again.

“Ok, this is the last time I’m helping you remember, ok, after this, it’s up to you what you will do and it’s up to you if you are willing to remember who you were.” The guy told him, “Now, what you didn’t realize was that the girl actually chased after you because she wanted to tell you something, but since you were a mess, you jumped, but she immediately called for help, but, you were in bad shape at that time, you didn’t eat right, you were as good as dead, and when you were pulled out of the water, you were already dead. And that my friend is why you’re still here.”

The man sat there for a long time taking in all the things he has heard, and after a few hours, he finally accepted the fact that he really is dead, and that he has something he must do, he asked the guy “What am I supposed to do? I’m already dead.” But, when he looked up, he was all alone in that bench with no sign of the guy.

A thought suddenly hit him, he remembered that time when he proposed to the girl and what the girl told him afterwards. I will love you forever, and if you die, rest assured I will follow you in death.

As quickly as possible he went to where the girl lived and since he has accepted the fact the he was dead, he did not need to knock, he just phased through the door. He was taken aback by the scene that he saw, the place was all tidied up, and a chair was placed on the middle of the room with a rope hanging directly above it, and the girl was taking a shower. His thoughts ran wild as he scanned the room for what medium he might use to stop the girl from committing suicide. He found a pen and a paper near the chair, and he figured that the girl had not written a suicide note yet; he then found that he can touch and move the pen like a living human but before he got to write anything, he stopped and looked at the mirror in front of him and heard his reflection speak.

“Why are you stopping her? Don’t you want to be with her?” the man’s reflection asked.

“Yes, but, that isn’t right, she mustn’t end her life just for me.” The man said to his reflection.

“Are you really that stupid? How can you even think that way when you don’t even know her name?” The reflection said, “Even worse, you don’t even know your own name.”

“Shut up, I have to do this; I just know I have to do this.” The man said to the mirror.

“You’re wasting your time, she’ll die eventually, why prolong her agony?” The man heard the reflection say.

“I’m not listening to you, she means a lot to me and I will do whatever it takes to save her, because I love her, I love Rebecca.”

At the mention of the name, the reflection in the mirror disappeared and the man’s thought cleared. With shaking hands, he started writing

Rebecca,

Please don’t do this, don’t end your life, I know that I have made mistakes in the past be I really do love you, and if you really do love me too, please, live your life to the fullest, I will patiently wait for you when the time is right. I love you and I always will.

Steve

As soon as he wrote the name, time stopped and he heard someone behind him say to him, “Good job, you finally figured out who you are and you did something good for someone you love, that’s the first time you did that in all your years living as a human.”

“So what happens now? And will you tell me your name now?” Steve asked.

“Haven’t you figured it out, Steve? I am your guardian angel; it is my duty to guide you to the afterlife.”

“So, am I allowed to the afterlife?” He asked.

“Yes, you did pass the test with the devil after all, and you saved a life.” The angel said smiling at him.

“Wait, I think there’s something you’re not telling me.” Steve asked.

“Ok, since angels aren’t allowed to lie, here’s the thing, you have been tempted ever since you were young and each and every time, you fell for it. Now is the only time that you didn’t fall.” The angel told him.

“What for? Shouldn’t I have just gone to hell the first time I got tempted?” Steve asked.

“Well, you’re not entirely bad, you just made wrong decisions, this was a test to prove that someday you will be able to make the right decision, and now you did it.” The angel said.

“I don’t get the full concept of it, but, ok, so what happens now?” he asked the angel.

“Now, it’s time to move on, you don’t need to watch what happens to her, Steve, but this I guarantee you, her life will not be the same anymore, she will live longer thanks to you, and she will be happy.”

The man looked around the room for one last time and as the doors of the bathroom was opening, he stepped into the light.



Fin