Incandescence

04: Irony

"That's the last time I ever go anywhere with the pair of you."

Lena takes a moment to glare daggers at Erik and I, but the tears streaming down her face and the bloodshot grey eyes which hold our own deem the look ineffective.

"Oh c'mon, babe, it wasn't that scary," Erik says.

"Not that scary? Not that scary? You just forced me to watch a two-hour long graphic movie about teenagers turned zombie-cannibals gouging out old women's eyeballs and now you have the nerve to suggest it wasn't that scary? That I'm overreacting?" Her face rises in colour as the words pour out, and by the time she's done speaking she's resembling a beetroot.

I spot a couple of guys, slouched in the seats just outside the screen we exited, snickering at my sister's sudden outburst. One of them yells out whilst ogling her breasts, "Well cheers for ruining the film, sweetheart!" to which I flip him off for in response.

"Maybe scary is the wrong word," Erik allows, having failed to notice what just went down. "It was too predictable to be scary. I think you mean gory."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise there was a difference."

In hindsight, taking Lena to see a horror movie was probably not the best idea. She hates anything with even the smallest hint of gore, retches at the sight of blood. It's no surprise she's currently launching a full-scale assault in our direction. But it was only fair. After all, when we took the movie choice to a vote, her sappy little romance flick was vetoed.

In all honesty, I don't know why I picked the movie in the first place. Not for its engaging plot, surely. It makes no sense when I think about it. Wasn't the whole aim of today to refrain from thinking about zombies?

Oh, who cares? I banish all thoughts of such from my mind and continue walking, listening into my companions' silly banter. Erik raises his eyebrows at his girlfriend and says, "Just admit it, Lena. You secretly loved the movie."

"Okay, I'll admit it. I loved the movie – especially the male lead. Did you see his abs when his shirt got ripped? Oh my God, man, what I wouldn't do for him."

It's about all I can do not to laugh at Erik's expression – like he's just sunk his teeth into a bitter lemon. It's a wonder his hazel eyes haven't turned green yet. With an evident smile I take charge of leading our little trio through the foyer and towards the front glass doors, taking time to check behind our backs to see if the jerks from before are still leering at Lena. Surprise, surprise, they're not.

The moment we step over the cinema's perimeters, we're hit by a deluge of precipitation as it trickles down the overhead gutter. Lena squeals, jumping to the side like a startled kitten in the face of water.

"God, you're so melodramatic," Erik says.

Lena scowls. "More like I have what you may call a survival instinct," she says, flipping her blonde braid indignantly. "Anyway, I don't know what you're laughing at – it's always the heartless ones that get eaten first in these stupid zombie movies. I'd have more chance of surviving than you."

"You're kidding, right? Bitch, please. You were just blubbering at the freakin' film. You'd be lucky to last two seconds in the event of a real apocalypse. I'd be out shooting heads off with my machine gun while you'd be stumbling after me, groaning."

"Wrong way round, buddy. Anyway, I didn't cry that much. The ending just took me by surprise – I wasn't expecting Matthew to actually get eaten! By his own girlfriend of all people, ugh! Told you he should've ditched her at the start." Lena's attempts to downplay her fear of the movie are so ridiculous I find myself resisting a snort.