Skinny love

IV

Opening the front door breathing in the dusty murky scent of our shitty apartment or has harry would say our “before big home” house.. I began to doubt that we were ever going to actually leave this shit life we were brought into at birth..

Stripping down from my clothes walking into the shower forcing my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to look at the chipped tile paint on the sides of the shower or the ceiling tearing apart gently but rapidly to the new forming mold stains forming on the corners were the walls meet.

Ashley you’re never going to have a big home just forget that such stupid idea alright? 

Can’t you see you’re a piece of shit? Worthless no one could possibly care about you anymore.. You’re a fuck up? You escaped only to see that this world isn’t for you..look at where you live? You only have one pair of clothes, wow pathetic much? 

Tears sprung down my face maybe my conscious was right.. I was a fuck up.. running my finger tips down my arm carelessly until I suddenly froze staring down at the wounds.. or as harry considered them my “Battle scars against the world..” 

But quite frankly I wasn’t fighting with anyone except rather my own self. 

Shutting off the water and stepping out covering my shivering body with a towel slipping on one of harry’s shirts. Hope he didn’t mind me wearing his clothes? He’d understand right?

Slipping on some old worn down shorts linsey had let me have awhile back. 

Looking deeply into the mirror starring down at my own reflection admiring my hair..it had turn dead and dull lost it’s old natural volume and flow it used to have back when I lived with my mother.

I touched my cheek remembering where my mom used to place her fingertips to gently stoke my face. 

Opening the door and realizing my insomnia side of me had been happening to kick around this time.

Slipping on my shoes and deciding to get a some-what fresh air from outside, walking out of our apartment.

Walking down our murky quiet apartment hallways. 

“Trevor!! God damn it stop throwing shit!”

I heard behind the paper thin walls.. no one seemed to be friendly around this neighborhood..

Walking outside breathing in the dusty air of the outside life..barely any cars passed around this time well because you know.. we happened to live in the ‘not so nice area’

“God, I fucking hate life”  I let out roughly. 

“Makes two of us” he laughed behind me.

Revealing the some-what drunk guy in front of me.

”Oh, sorry i didn’t s-see you” my lips began to quiver. 

I haven’t had the best history with drunk men recently you know?

The last couple times were just a complete utter mess. 

“hey, calm down i’m not going to hurt you or anything” he laughed. 

Realizing I was a complete idiot for some-what lashing out on him or just freaking out you know?

“Sorry just you know this city isn’t filled with nice people you know?” I nodded.

“Yeah totally.. the names louis by the way” he stood up and held his hand out towards me 

“hi my names ashley” I shook his warm hand quickly before pulling back. 

louis was probably about three inches taller than me with lush blue eyes, he was rather attractive.