With Love and Admiration

It might go horribly.

The apartment I live in is small. The walls always feel as if they are closing in more everyday. The TV is placed at the center of the farthest wall and the couch sits across from it. Pictures of my children litter the walls. Those pictures are the only thing I've had to feel close to them for a while now.

I remember when I first moved in here. I had gotten all my stuff from the family house on a Saturday. Layla wasn't there because her mom didn't want to see her dad leaving but, Elliot was there. He stayed in his room the whole time. When I told him why I was leaving he didn't take it so well. I didn't expect him too. He thought I was betraying his mother. Speaking of his mother, Caroline didn't take it so well. Also, to be expected. She was sad. I was a coward for not talking to her in person. I hope she is alright now.

Mike is another story. I met him in the most cliché of places - a starbucks. I know, typical. We were waiting in line and just started talking. He is quiet good looking. We eventually exchanged numbers and just talked and talked. I didn't think anything of it at first. I don't think he did either. I started noticing that he spoke to me differently than all my other guy friends. He was more loving, more friendly , more caring and I was ok with that.

It wasn't supposed to happen. I can't figure out why it did. He makes me feel special. When I started realizing I was "falling for him", I was scared. I have two kids , I had a wife. I thought "I am to old to be doing this." I should have figured this out already. But , I haven't. It took awhile to muster up the courage to ask Mike out on a date. I did it after 2 months of knowing each other. He said no the first time. I waited a week, asked again. He said yes this time. He was hesitant. He wanted me to divorce Caroline first. I didn't want to because I didn't know how this was going to turn out. That was a dick move, I admit. I love him and he loves me but, that doesn't make this easier.

This can go well but also very horribly. It might go horribly.