realm of flowers | amourshipping

ONE.

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SERENA's POV.

I tried to accept the fact that Ash chose Misty over me. I told him that I didn't love him anymore when she fell ill with Hanahaki, sacrificing my own happiness for hers. Lying served me no purpose, and I know that they're together and deeply in love, so is it so hard for me to comprehend that he isn't into me anymore? My illness was brought by my own accord, therefore, it is most rational that I pick up the pieces and move on. 

However, love moves on an entire different field, and struggling with emotions has always been my Achilles heal. 

I remember his tearful face as I told him. My excuse was that I didn't love him anymore and that he should move on with Misty because she would love him more than I would do. Although I long for him, what does a woeful heart serve other than regret knowing that he will never be mine again?

Surgery was perhaps my one of my only options, an easy route to get rid of the petals. The doctors enunciated on the word "easy" as a way to downplay the downfall, the loss of my feelings and a 75% of losing all the memories I've shared with my beloved. 

Who do they think they are? As if I would ever. 
It's not a risk I am willing to take. Although I long to rid myself of my unrequited desires, why would I risk losing all the wonderful moments exploring together Kalos, watching Ash flourish as he battled with other trainers with his radiant smile? And oh especially, my first encounter with him when we were children? I wasn't comfortable with the prospect of that. 

If I didn't take the surgery and if Ash doesn't love me back, I guess I'll lay back and enjoy life for the moment. Which brings me to the last option that would cause the most pain for my family and friends, the people closest to me.
I would die. But I would die happily- stealing a breath from the world for a minute, and exhaling, releasing all the memories, emotions, and identity erased from the memories of those I cared about throughout the years. My only task was to keep my illness a secret. 

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I rue staying over at Delia's house after Ash's 16th birthday party. The whole time it was just Ash and Misty hand and hand, to the teasing of others, and the heartache of mine.

Moving on was easier said than done. I was always the one to hate pain- and now I was confronted with chocking up flowers into a toilet, releasing a full garden from my lungs. In the mess of petals, I managed to discern Gardenias and Daffodils, "secret love" and "unrequited love". A few purple Lilacs were poking out- "first love". I giggled to myself- a sarcastic, wounded and pitiful gurgling from my heaving chest. If anyone were to walk in, the person of attraction  would be obvious, wouldn't it?

I remember being optimistic that I would move on. But throughout the months, I've realized there's little to no chance for recovery without surgery, a hamster endlessly spinning in a cage until exhaustion or death.
I hated this.

The flowers swim in the water of the toilet, laughing, taunting me as they submerge. Luckily, the flowers weren't bloody like last time (when Ash and Misty were kissing in front me), and I chuckle softly again, this time with more mirth. What else could I do other than to cope with the absurdity in front of me? 

The absurdity being my secret. Although I recognize it leads to my self destruction, I cannot let anyone know.

"Breakfast!" Delia calls, and I go down, the petals once again running out my mouth. Sighing, I wipe my mouth and proceed to wash my hands.

Clemont and Bonnie are the first to greet me as I enter the kitchen. Bonnie narrows her eyes at me, taking in my disheveled state and tired expression.

"Serena are you okay?" Bonnie asks me, and I avert my gaze from her blue eyes. Looking down I look at the tiled floor.
"No, Bonnie. I'm fine," I lie.

Clemont simply nods a greeting to me, and I raise my eyebrow at him. He laughs at my expression, and I smile at his. Cute. But it's not Ash.

Clemont smile fades, and he takes a seat, a wistful expression hidden underneath his thick glasses. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

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 hope you enjoyed the update! please tell me what you think, i seriously need feedback. (my threat is unpublishing because i'm an insecure writer lol)

expect more angst! ash and misty are probably going to appear next chapter. ooh and btw, what do you think clemont is thinking about? if you're going to guess that he loves her, thinking deeper because it's not that ;).

stay tuned for updates! ♪
thanks for reading!

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source: https://www.theflowerexpert.com/content/aboutflowers/flower-meanings

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