It's a Love Hate Relationship

chapter 8

Chapter 8:

I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting on that bench before Eva and Riley finally came looking for me. Riley looked like she'd been put in the middle of a bad situation but Eva had a look on her face that said, what did I do wrong? She didn't see it.

"Kelsey what happened?" Eva asked and I bit down on my lip, swallowing hard.

"Nothing..." I lied, shaking my head. "Let's just go."

"Um okay, let's go then." With that Eva, Riley and I went to the car. I drove them home and went back to my house feeling like I didn't have a clue what to do next. It was never easy. I just couldn't help but feel disappointed in my friends for not understanding that I didn't want to wear something sexy and bugging me about Jacob. Was that something I could just let slide?

I could hear Blake's music through the wall, blaring loudly. He hadn't spoken to me since, we were both avoiding each other. I just wanted to know why he didn't feel like he could tell me all those years that he was gay. Yet another thing I was disappointed about, but my relationship with Blake wasn't like the relationship I had with my friends. He was my brother and I couldn't throw that away.

I knocked on his door and then knocked louder. He opened the door forcefully and his expression softened when he saw me.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked, jumping right to what really mattered. Blake took me by the arm and pulled me inside his room, closing the door behind me. Then he turned off the music.

"I didn't tell anyone Kelse." He sat down on the bed, wanting to leave it at that but it wasn't a good enough answer.

Then it hit me. He didn't tell anyone. How would I feel holding in such a big part of me for years? It would tear me apart inside. Blake hid it from my mother but more importantly me, the big secret constantly on the tip of his tongue but he just couldn't bring himself to tell me out of fear of what I might think. I couldn't imagine having such a weight on my shoulders.

I sat down beside him, seeing him in a completely different light. Suddenly he wasn't the cocky big brother with a million ways to torture me, I saw past that. I saw the hurt.

"Blake, I wish you'd told me." I laid my hand on his shoulder. "You didn't need to hide it and bring girls home just for Mom and I's sake."

"At first I didn't know, I was bringing girls home because that's what I thought was normal. I don't think I really knew until grade eleven and then I just didn't know how to say it. Maybe saying it outloud would have made it too real. It wasn't until I went away that I started to embrace it." I nodded, biting my lip to prevent myself from saying the wrong thing.

"What about Oliver? How does he fit into it?" I asked carefully.

"I remember him in high school, he was the kid everyone made fun of for coming out of the closet in grade 10. Then we met up this year and something clicked. I guess I was so used to being myself when I was away, I couldn't hide it anymore." He sighed, it made sense. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. That wasn't my intention." In my opinion he didn't need to apologize, but he felt he did.

"That's not why I was hurt. Of course finding out that way wasn't really pleasant but I was upset that we didn't get our day together. I just- I've really missed you. This house is lonely when you aren't here." A tear slipped down my cheek and he pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way. Let me make it up to you before I go back." He suggested, letting go. "We'll have one of our horror movie nights and cook a ton of popcorn."