It's a Love Hate Relationship

chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Two suitcases sat at the front door, Blake's week was over and I was holding in my sadness. He loved his school, somewhere he could be himself so I wouldn't hold him back. It was stupid, wanting him to stay, my older brother, my hero.

My Mom had a somber look on her face, of course she didn't want her son to leave but she was in favor of him getting a good education. I'm not sure why he thought she wouldn't accept him being gay but I was going to respect his wishes, even if I disagreed.

"Call if you need anything and good luck on your exams. Remember to study hard." There was a lecture on the tip of my Mom's tongue but she wasn't going to say too much.

"I will Ma." He promised.

"And start making better meals, you're getting so thin." She added.

"Yes Ma." He nodded.

"Okay, now give me a hug." Mom didn't wait for a response, she just pulled him into a tight hug. She patted him on the back twice and let go.

"It's not going to be too long right? I'll see you for Christmas." I mumbled but he just shook his head, he wasn't coming home for Christmas. I knew what that meant, I wouldn't see him for at least six months. I experienced it with all my older cousins, they'd go to university far away and never come home, although I never missed them as much as I missed Blake. It was the little things, his empty room and the family gatherings that he was absent from. "Okay." I held in my tears, biting my lip.

Blake hugged me. Why did the week have to go so fast?

"Thanks for listening..." He whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, of course." My voice quivered as he let go.

"Goodbye, love you Ma, love you Kelse." He waved.

He took a few seconds, looking around before taking his suitcases by the handles and carrying to his car.

My Mom laid her hand on my shoulder as she closed the door, but I shrugged it off. I felt so heavy, so lonely all the sudden. It was overwhelming. I walked slowly up the stairs and into my room. I let myself feel it all and I cried. My emotions just spilled out all at once as I sobbed, it wracked my entire body.

I must have sobbed for a half hour before I took a hold of myself but it didn't make the tears stop.

Jacob caught my eye. He was standing at my window holding a note with big black letters that read, are you okay? Typically I would lie but for some reason I couldn't lie to Jacob. I shook my head and admitting that made me feel sad all over again.

He bent down writing a new note, open the window. I listened and he opened his.

"I'm coming in." Once again he used the tree to cross over into my room but this time I didn't mind so much. I liked the company and I liked that he pulled me into his embrace.

He rubbed my back and gently ran his hand through my hair while he pressed his head into the small of my neck. At first I cried, but the contact and soft lulling noises he made were calming. He was warm and I clung to his shirt, with every breath I took I felt better. It was a good thing he got over that cold quickly.

It was to the point where I began to feel flustered, his warmth and his body against mine was all I could think about. I let go and wiped my cheeks.

"Thanks Jake." I mumbled.

"Let's go somewhere, I'll meet you out by my car." Jacob left through the window and I rushed down the stairs, set on beating him to the car.

"Mom I'm going out!" I shouted, not knowing where my Mom was but she quickly came out of the living.