Hardly Hurts

Bloody Hell

    'It's cold in here,' I thought,'And what is he writing about? I've hardly said a word... Unless I'm accidentally speaking what I'm thinking. Nah, Kellen may have abused me, but not that bad... Maybe... I don't even know the difference from good and bad anymore. How do I even know if I'm doing the right thing..? What if-' my thoughts were interrupted by the man across from me asking me a question,"So... What is your name?" I looked at him, slightly puzzled, I replied,"Um, I already gave you my name." He took off his glasses and looked at me in the eyes. He should know better than to look an abused woman in the eyes. But he continued with,"I know, but if you want help, then I'm going to need you to state your name again. Now; what's your name?" I sighed,'This is pointless...' I thought, but I answered anyways,"Amanda Flay."
"Age?" He asked. "Eighteen." I replied. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I've never been in this situation before. And he wasn't a very reassuring man himself. He looked back down at his notepad and started writing again. I tried to peek over and see what he was writing, but he saw me and moved his hand over it, out of my view. What's wrong with me seeing notes about myself? This is ridiculous... I wonder what's gonna happen after all of this? The room is so cold and all the walls are a dark shade of gray. This huge light shining over he and I is really intimidating. These people clearly don't know how to handle an abused woman. Does he even know what I've been through? Probably not. No wonder he's treating me like some other bitch-patient of his.
"So, Mrs. Flay, explain to me what happened to you? Why does Kellen hit you?"
W-what? How does he know that? I haven't even mentioned Kellen yet.
"Mrs. Flay, I ask again, why does Kellen hit you, rape you, cut you..." He kept naming all the things Kellen has done to me... It's like he rehearsed this. I need to say something. Right as I'm about to speak, he lunges forward at me and covers my mouth and grabs a fist full of my hair,"DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING YOU BITCH! I AM THE MASTER HERE, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PETTY, IRRITATING, UGLY, BITCH!" I try to scream through his tight grip over my mouth, but suddenly-
...
*Heavy breathing*
I'm laying in bed... My eyes are burning from tears going down my face... 'What just happened?' I think to myself,'Was that just a dream? A terrifying nightmare?' I sit up and look around the room. I'm still at home, in my bed. Well, what I call home. It's really Kellen's home and Kellen's bed. I look to my side and he's not there. I move my gaze to the bathroom door where I can hear a toilet flush and the faucet water start running. I quickly realize that Kellen is going to come out in a moment. I see the door knob start to turn slowly, and I quietly but quickly lay back down and pretend to be asleep. I've mastered this art.
Though I can't see anything, I can hear where Kellen is in the room. I can hear his footsteps coming closer to my side of the bed. I try not to shake too much. I feel his hot breath on my ear and neck, but no words are said. Then I feel the light touch of his hand on my waist, as he pulls me slightly closer and kiss my neck. Then the heat of his breath and he pressure of his hand leave my body.  I slowly peek open one eye, just in time to see him walk out of the room and close the door behind him. 'That was sweet... I love when he does that,' I think to myself,'Maybe him hitting me last night was an accident. I mean, he did have 3 1/2 bottles of beer... the other half of the 4th being poured over my head. But again, probably just an accident. I'm sure he doesn't even remember it. And I mean, come on, Amanda, he always apologizes in the morning. Always.'
I few more minutes of silence go by and I am able to smell bacon being cooked downstairs. I decide to get up and wash my face and hands in the bathroom before joining him downstairs.
After I've finished that, I head down to see him standing in the kitchen, cooking bacon and eggs. I come over to him, and hug him from behind,"Good morning, Kel." I say with a smile. He sets down the spatula and turns around to look down at me. I'm only 5'3 and he's a good 6'2, so he's much bigger than I. He gives me a soft smile and kisses my forehead,"Good morning, sunshine. Would you like some breakfast?" He asks. I nod and he gets out a plate and fork. I watch him put half the food on the plate and start to walk out. I look at him and he looks back. With a mouthful of eggs he says,"You gonna get some food? Cause if not, then more for me." And goes into the living room. 'Oh... Alright I guess I'll get my own food. It was nice enough of him to make some for both of us.' I think to myself. After serving myself some food, I  go into the living room to join Kellen. He's watching football on the TV. Panthers are going up against the Cowboys and sadly, the Panthers are losing. They're mine and his favorite team, though I don't watch much TV. Kellen always has me do housework and run errands and whatnot so I never have the time. But oh well. He just likes to make sure the house is clean. And plus he has tons of other things to do... I think.
Kellen turns his head a little bit to look at me. He looks me up and down and pauses at my breasts. I'm a double D, so I've caught many men pause to take a look. Then he looks up at my face. I'm not looking directly at him, but I can see him out of the corner of my eye. I see his mouth part slightly, and he usually does that before asking me a question. He then proceeded to say,"Amanda, are you alright? You look worried." 'I was right.' I think to myself. I look up at him and he has very little expression on his face... And what a handsome face he has; plump lips, big green eyes, shaggy light brown hair, freckles covering his perfect nose and strong cheek bones. He's like my own personal male model.
I cock my head a little and smile slightly,"Yes of course I'm okay. I just had a bad dream, that's all." I reply. I'd prefer to not tell him about that dream. "What happened in it?" He asks. 'Ugh, naturally he's ask that.' I, again, smile at him and say "Oh don't worry about it too much. It was just about that horror movie we watched a couple of nights ago. You remember it, don't you?" He smirked and shook his head,"Yes I remember. I was just making sure my baby is okay," He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. He leaned down a bit so that he could whisper in my hear,"Because if you weren't okay, then that'd be a problem. Now wouldn't it?" He keeps is lips by my ear and I can feel him gazing intensely at me. I feel a slight chill go down my spine as I reply,"Y-yes, it would be a problem. Good thing I'm okay, hehe..." My eyes slant to the side, refusing to look at him. He pulls back his head and leans back on the couch, facing the TV once more,"Good." He says.
With his arm still around me, I feel his muscles flex against my neck and shoulders. He's stressed out about the Panthers losing still.
"OH COME ON! EVEN I COULD'VE CAUGHT THAT! Fucking IDIOTS!"
Kellen yells at the TV. I flinch and tense up. He doesn't notice, but keeps his attention on the game instead.

    Later that afternoon, I'm sitting on the couch still, but the TV is now off and I'm reading a book under a soft, fuzzy white blanket. I hear Kellen running down the steps and I look over into the hallway, where he pops up. He looks angry and distressed. I tense up and ask,"Are you okay, Kel?" He starts frantically looking around, and out of breath replies with,"Does it LOOK LIKE IM OKAY!? I'm gonna be late for my meeting and I can't find my GODDAMN CAR KEYS!" I blink quickly and look to the floor, then back at him,"Would you like some h- KELLEN!" He smashed a flower vase onto the ground, and then looked at me, eyes full of rage. 'I should not have yelled. Fuck.'  He storms over to me, I drop my book and try to scramble off of the couch and out of the covers. But I wasn't fast enough. He grabs my waist and throws me onto the ground-hard. I look up at him, one arm covering my face and neck,"DON'T. YELL. AT. ME!!" He yells. I scream as he throws a big chunk of the broken vase at me,"DON'T SCREAM, DON'T YELL, AND DON'T YOU TRY AND RUN OFF YOU LITTLE SLUT!" He screams in my ear as blood finds its way to the surface of my arm. Blood and tears start to flow out as if it were a small stream, pouring onto the once all white blanket. He does nothing to help. He pulls off the couch cushions and throws them at me and the TV. He finds his car keys, grabs his briefcase and storms out the door, slamming it behind him and causing a picture frame to fall from the shelf above the couch. I stand up, and look out the window to see his car gone. I look around the room at the mess he made; the hallway full of broken glass, the couch cushions and picture on the ground and the shard of glass he cut me with by my feet. "AAAAHHHHHHHH!" I scream,"He's such a-a DAMN BABY, GOD! Can't he-he clean up his own s-shit for once in his life!? Can't he h-help me!? NO! No!.. No..." I fall to the ground sobbing and clutching my bloody arm. Blood is  flowing out through my shaking hands. I unsteadily stand up and walk to the bathroom up the stairs. Luckily I had on my shoes so I could easily avoid the broken glass. I look at myself in the mirror. My long brown, messy hair covering half my face, my brown eyes surrounded by pink and pain, my slim nose dropping of snot I can no longer snuffle and my bright red, thin lips parted and quivering. Looking at myself so broken causes me to start crying harder,'How can I let this keep happening? He hits, curses, and yells at me all of the time! And more frequently now. He's right though... I'm just a stupid, ugly, useless piece of shit! And that's all I'll ever be!' I continue crying as I try to find a bandage for my arm. I find one and set it on the toilet. I get a black towel and lay it on the sink so no water splashes onto the floor or me while I wash out my cut. The cold water stings my aching arm. The drain in the sink drains out the clear, bloody water. The blood is still flowing out of my arm, but not as badly as I begin to wrap it up. My face is stained with old tears and my eyes are burning. But no more tears are flowing. 'I'm over it,' I think to myself,'He'll say he's sorry. He always does. He loves me and I... I love him too. I'm his sunshine, and that's what I've always been. It's his nickname for me.
I'm okay. Cause if I'm not okay, then his fists go against my already broken body.'

(Author's note:
Alright y'all, that was the first chapter of Hardly Hurts. Please ignore any typos I missed and I hope y'all enjoyed it! Next chapter coming soon!)