Confessions

Feelings~ Depression

No one understands me.

I used to be the girl that smiled all the time, 

But now i'm back to being a single person in a world of strange people.

I'm quiet, independent, but I've always been that way,

Lately it's been worse.

My new fears: people, public places, loneliness.

There's no way out, I've been sinking into a world of the darkest depths.

I have friends but I dont see them,

I can barely tell what's real and what's not anymore.

Life is hard.

Breathing is difficult.

Hiding is the best option.

I'm trapped in a world where I don't know who I am anymore;

Sometimes I can almost find a way out but then I just get lost again.

If I feel like this, then why am I still here?

I'm still here because i know deep inside I can find away out, I can escape this world of darkest.

I know the few people around me and I know their secrets.

I am here to because somehow I know they still care;

They want me here, they need me here.

If I were to end it, what would happen?

I don't know.

I don't think anyone is sure what would happen if they were to end it.

But I do know this: I will not end it. I am needed. i don't know what for yet. but I do know i'm needed.

These days filled with doubts have clouded my judgement

And I need to escape, just for a little while.

But i don't think I can;

I'm trapped in my world.

You start off in this little block area when your young,

But when you get older times change,

People change,

You start to see the whole world and it gets bigger than you would have ever imagined

And you become less afraid.

And i'm in the most confusing spot of all: in between everything.

I'm no longer a little girl but I'm not grown yet;

I'm at the spot where I see everything and my world is getting bigger but i'm afraid of it,

And i don't want to do anything that would hurt me because I know I will get hurt eventually.

Life is hard, I know that;

Everyone knows that and if they don't, they eventually find out that it is.

I want my life back and that's way I haven't ended it yet.

I know that someday I will get my life back, and I will find a way out of the darkest,

But for now I will not cower in the corner but learn the way around the world and avoid the evil.

I will come out strong again (even if it kills me).

Iife will be good, not easy but fair.

Why will life be good?

I don't know if it will,

But  what do i want to happen?

I want to connect with people again,

Not be afraid of people's judgement,

Be able to go out and do fun things,

And really be sure of myself.

I know it will be hard and I am not asking for much;

I do not want the perfect husband with the big house and white fence with the perfect children.

All i want is a life with true people, a flawed companion,

And just a small place to live with children who need me.

I know these days are hard, but I will be me again and I will have the life of my own.